Edit: this is basically a vent thread but likes and comments are welcome. I'm not great at knowing where these strong feels come from and advice is helpful and support is wonderful. Edit#2: changed title because I'm having a really bad time at this point in my life, and it's going to be that way until I make some progress on the therapy/medication. There will be a lot of depression sitting on my face (not in a good way) and not letting me up. Edit #3: Probably should mention that I've been diagnosed with major depression and social anxiety, I've been in therapy for these since spring of 2017.... I'm doing better, but this thread is almost always me at my worst, when I can't hide from emotions or deal with them anymore. Fingers crossed that I won't just delete this one tomorrow morning like the ten other I've tried to make in the past I don't know, why am I like this? why do I have to be like this? I get so suddenly upset, and it's always at night and I singularly obsess of over it and it is the end of the world or a sign that I will never be able to love or have relationships and I can't pull myself together until I sit in front of a TV or computer screen for 3 to 4 hours, then all the feels go away. Today's problem: worrying about cleaning up the house for Christmas which seems clearly impossible because the job is so big and no motivation. Problem my brain has decided to obsess over and get really emotional about: My Skype RP is going badly and I can't even seem to manage imaginary relationships. I just get to emotionally invested, I end up wanting so many things. OK so the whole point is to bring these characters closer together. I love stuff like that, I love rping commoradery, friendship, characters supporting each other through bad times even if they do it in snarky, malladaptive ways, I'm find when they pretend like they don't care for appearences...I've been trying through three big sessions to get my character closer to my partner's character, and he's just rejected at every turn? I'm doing everything I can think of and he's just like "no hiss", even though the point is to get them closer. my partner almost never says anything out of character do I can't get a read, which can be really scary and frustrating at times. I want to know how my partner feels a about the direction of things so we can steer the rp in ways that satisfy everyone.... my brain is telling me that they really don't care about the rp, that it's just something to do to fill up time and they are completely distant from their character, like "shrug whatever". I feel like I'm doing all the work and I don't know if that's a fair assessment... I just. care to much about rp. It fulfills something that I lack and I'm pretty sure that sentiment is fucked up and weird but it's very true for me at this point in my life. If, I would love to here from other people, I just don't know what to do with..well, any of this.