Okay, odd title, but I've noticed a trend and now I'm curious. History: I'm diagnosed with BPD, C-PTSD, Major Depression, and recently Bipolar Affective Disorder. I go through periods of Down that isn't quite depression, but it just feels... Flat. Like everything isn't quite reaching me, and I'm slowed down and miserable because I can't make myself do anything. Brain fog and executive dysfunction overload. I'm used to the brain fog from the POTS, and know it can come from the other things too, but like. It sucks, it doesn't go away till it seemingly wants to. I've noticed in the past that when I drink energy drinks (Monster, Red Bull, Bang, etc.) when I'm like this, there's a good 75%+ chance that it'll break the feeling and I'll start feeling normal. Sometimes it takes more than one, but it makes a big difference. The last few days I've been in a similar funk, and similarly feeling like garbage, and while I couldn't get any energy drinks today (plan to get them tomorrow) I thought "wait, what if coffee". So I hobbled my ass downstairs and made a tall glass of milk up with two big scoops of instant coffee and an instant breakfast, came back upstairs, chugged it and. ..... I feel better? Like. Noticeably better. Not perfect, but a LOT better. Things feel like they're reaching me again, the weird weight is off my head, and i can interact with people easier and I'm not as exhausted feeling or flat either. Now the science question, though. For others with mood disorders: does caffeine or energy drinks do this to you? Do you self medicate with them knowingly or unknowingly? Is it actually not the caffeine and instead the b12 and other things in it? Did the carnation instant breakfast kick me in the "you need to change your diet" button? Is this an aspect of mood disorders I just didn't know about? I'm honestly curious and would love to hear.
I've got BPD and C-PTSD. I've also been told I've got like depressive leaning bipolar tendencies or some shit if I recall right. Anyway. I drink coffee a lot? Like a lot. Partly because it does genuinely taste good to me and partly because like. I dunno. My day is just kind of shit without it? It's not like A Big Difference but it is a noticeable difference. I'm just not as happy without caffeine and like when I am moody and near a cafe, I do go and get a drink and that usually ends up helping out a lot. I've tried other warm drinks but they don't quite work as well? That includes tea. It's to the extent where I generally have two to three cups of coffee a day. I can't say what the hell the science behind this is if anything. Or if it's related to the conditions described. But like I figure that given that I have a similarish story and similarish set of brain fuckery going on I can be a data point?
That's definitely a data point! Another data point is coming from bipolar adhd friend with depression, apparently caffeine has zero effect on her positive or negative, which is intriguing. The ADHD itself, and the fact she's medicated for it, might be the key difference there for her. That's so fascinating though, I'm the same way. When I drink coffee I tend to drink multiple if I can, and I drink diet soda throughout the day for a low caffeination. I don't get hyper from energy drinks or coffee, or hypomanic at all. I just feel Alert and more human if that makes sense. Like, earlier when I had my drink was like my brain got jumpstarted and it could finish the process of evening things out with the assistance.
For me I've got to be very careful with caffeine because if I have too much I very quickly go from more alert to like...Jittery and just incapable of connecting any of the dots. There's like this point in between these two points where I get like hyper as fuck but that's really hard to actually hit exactly. So much so that attempting to get it by drinking slightly more coffee just isn't worth it. It's too much of a risk sending myself into anxious jitters mode.
further data points. its like i had a factory reset somehow. i managed to draw last night, had inspiration, and even with shitty stamina was able to push through to finish a piece and start another. i had a full night's sleep as usual, but i slept deeper, dreamed better. i woke up feeling refreshed and relaxed and content happy. what the actual fuck. :U
