mostly roving, partly stars

I 100% appreciate the support on the last post, and it is helping me frame it as a good thing to myself, but that was definitely a sperg "life did not match my plans and I'm totally discombobulated about it" post, lol

 

Winnessed?

 

Pretty much! Like, it's fucking awesome! It's also completely fucking up my, like, five-year plan for skill acquisition and business growth! I know I don't necessarily have to change my schedule but I could! And what if I do??? I keep just staring at the finished skein and softly saying "fuck" in awe and confusion

 

To do tomorrow -

• Get pictures of pets
• Send update email
• Groceries
• Neaten up plying, then skein & finish bed of roses
• Story Archeology & Irish study
• Test zoom
• Decide what I'm doing with cider donuts

 

I'm so fucking tired *faceplants* I usually sleep badly the first night I travel, and I usually sleep badly without Kai, but last night was still ridiculous and I want a refund.

 

Today is apparently the day to uncover more of the tangle of all of my baggage around food, too? Joy.

 

Petsitting is surprisingly hard work, and I don't know how I forgot this from last year.

 

I think I'm beginning to settle into the challenge of this job? The first few days were stupid hard, with loneliness (the only people I still know in town aren't really people I want to spend time with for the most part) and pet management struggles (Bailey, in particular, has changed with age and is nigh-impossible to read now). But I think I've gotten the right rhythm for all the daily chores, and I've reached a sort of peace and happiness with the amount of CHYW work I'm getting done, and today is the first day that the solitude feels like something that's helping me instead of something I'm fighting.

I'm an introvert, but I'm very very used to existing quietly with other introverts in proximity.

 

Working on the writing part of pattern design makes me feel very smart. I don't know why, but it's a nice feeling!

 

Talking w/Acey about seeing bands live is making me realize that my last concert was, like, a year ago. I signed up for newsletters from our local big venue and then promptly started ignoring them. Not that I don't have like five other places to spend concert ticket money even if I knew who was touring through my area, but still. It's a thing I enjoy and I shouldn't forget it exists.

 

I put on the "relaxing music for anxious dogs" video before I remembered that Bailey is mostly deaf

...oh well, it's helping me have more calm with the whole situation at least.

 

Things Zephraim has tried to eat so far:

• Avocado
• Pizza
• Milk
• Chocolate donuts
• Iced coffee
• Cereal
• Cheez-its
• Salsa con queso

 

HE WILL PREVAIL

 

I went upstairs to see if my parents have a copy of Good Omens I could borrow (they don't) and it's... Weird, seeing the library. It's almost an archeological sealed-room find since we kids left for college, since that's about when mom and dad started relying near-totally on ebooks. But I can't really look at their ebook libraries - I can only see what they have on the shelves, and it's so so strange how many books feel "missing" to Adult Me, how many books are, like, core library requirements to me that I genuinely forgot I didn't find until adulthood, or that I took with me and mom & dad didn't care to replace. It's really, really weird.

 

why does being a solo human involve carrying so many things

 

my people will be here tonight *bounces excitedly*

 

Apparently having a week alone just lets my brain process all sorts of weird stuff. Elicia posted a meme to Facebook today that hit me in a bad place, and I just kind of scrolled, and then thought about it later, and--yeah, that kind of not thinking things all the way through is unfortunately still par for the course with her, and I don't need to feel guilty about keeping her at more of an arm’s length friendship.

(I'm still pondering, but I don't think that's actually incompatible with being willing to 100% support her if she ever leaves Novas? Or with loving and wanting to help Mikey as much as possible? I can want to be a fallback support option for someone who I do still care about to some degree without necessarily enjoying being close friends with them.)

 

MY PEOPLE ARE HERE!!!!

 

I'm gonna get back home and be IMMEDIATELY swarmed with people who want to spend time with me (date with Kai on Monday, stringbending with Rose and I think Mac on Tuesday, and dinner with Jams on Wednesday). It makes me feel loved, and also proud that I'm doing well enough & am confident enough in these relationships that this busy of a social calendar is only mildly overwhelming rather than impossible.

 

Last night alone... I really, really hope I sleep well, bc tomorrow is a big day of cleaning up, closing down, packing, and going home finally thank fuck.