mostly roving, partly stars

My skin apparently really likes to turn perfumes into floral perfumes even if they don't have any or don't have much in the way of floral ingredients. Good thing I like flowers!

 

Yesterday's makeup:
Primer
UD Faith lipstick (lips, blush, eyelids)
KR Stay Gold eyeliner, gold end (upper line)
Silver eyeliner (waterline)
Black snapscara
Rainbow highlighter


Today's makeup:
Primer
Cloud Paint Puff (blush incl temples, eyelids)
KR Cowboy Blues eyeliner, blue end (upper & lower line)
Silver eyeliner (waterline, dots over temples, & lightly on lips)
Blue snapscara
Opal holographic highlighter

 

lookin' so fly!!!

 

Halfling cleric, protection domain

 

Halfling druid!

 

I am really stupid obsessed with this album lately. Listening to it fairly loudly while smoking & wearing cute clothes is a really good end-of-week unwind before date night <3

 

Morning bedroom friends

 

I really super duper need to build a better routine now that my day job isn't happening. I did just fine before the day job, but all my main online socialization places are full of screaming, which means that while this isn't a huge life state change (day job had only been happening for a month, unlike the several years of my previous/current normal) it's still massively affecting my mental health.

I did better after talking to my sis about it, going on a Pokémon drive, and managing to get some knitting done. Now time for snacks and some daily schedule brainstorming.

 

Some rough plans have been made, and I also got started on some meal planning/pantry rotation notes. I'm setting myself a strict "no Facebook before noon" rule, too.

 

I've been trying to have an active morning routine, but I think today we'll delay that for snuggles and listening to rain & bird sounds, and generally letting myself rest. The balance between "keeping busy is healthy!" and "overworking myself to desperately try not to think" is still hard, although I've gotten better at keeping it over time.

 

Apparently my idea of a restful morning includes:

1. Cuddle with my cat in the blankets and idly poke the internet (the Ideal)
2. Ply some yarn (technically work, but restful meditative work)
3. Choose a heat-and-eat meal for elevensies today (smart choice)
4. Get high and listen to experimental hurdy-gurdy music very loud with my headphones (????)

 

It is thanks to you that I know electric hurdy-gurdies exist, so I'm calling it time well spent <3

 

Can I just say that I love Star Trek fic that brings up Kirk's allergies, and I love that there's so much of it? It feels like spoonie representation in the best wish fulfillment hero way.

 

I am absofuckinglutely determined to get yarn crafts done today. I'm going to do it!

aka i've spent the last few days stuck in the spoonie dilemma where if you had two spoons to spend on something, it would remove like ten forks and you would have so much more good in your day, but where are those spoons. hoping that starting with knitting (lowest physical energy requirement) will give me the satisfaction payoff to find said spoons & get some of my life shit in order (fold clothes, do a chicken roast) that will remove forks (messy environment, meals unplanned & lack of stock).

but i'm near done with this rotation of this shawl! and that will be Satisfying. and my sis will keep dyeing yarn, and I can maybe stat my most recent handspun and ply my most recent sample, and hell even do some more work on my current blending project, and all will be well. everything is yarn. <3

 

I ACTUALLY GOT STUFF DONE THIS MORNING

I'm trying my best to be as absolutely gentle and understanding with myself as I can be. If there was ever a time in my life where a random passer-by would think "understandable, have a nice day" at seeing me nonfunctionally depressed/anxious, this would be the time. I just also... get anxious about doing badly? I may have trauma from my severe mental health episodes previously. I hate feeling like I'm on a slope going downward. But K reminded me that that kind of spiral hasn't happened for me in a long, long time, and true enough, yesterday I got an hour of knitting work done and cooked dinner, and this morning I actually got up and stayed out of bed, folded clothes, and did social media scheduling and website work, and i'm about to settle in for a few more hours of knitting. Having something to show for my time instead of getting stuck in a mess of distraction/comfort to avoid helpless negative feelings is good. I'm trying to just enjoy it as good and not let it fold into toxic productivity doctrine shit, but that's hard to measure from the inside.

 

We have so many groceries!!!

Also Rose finished test knitting my first shawl design! So I'm feeling motivated to push through the last 3 repeats of my sample... And then I just need to do a final editing review and I can release my first shawl pattern *.*

 

Today is significantly more fatigue than I wanted, so I'm having to adjust my productivity goals, but I've still gotten some starter character development work done, and gotten an easy dinner in the crockpot (in addition to completing the whole morning routine heck ye), so I'm doing ok. Knitting, more character work, then RP and game time with Jams later! Maybe I'll get an Instagram post up today, but I'm not gonna push it or schedule days in advance, and I'm probably not doing any other fiber work (def no dyeing, likely no blending, maybe no spinning) and that's all right. Soft animal of my body and all that.

Jams and I decided that for one of our primary togetherness activities in this time where we're in an LDR despite living a five minute drive from each other, we're starting new characters in Lord of the Rings Online (which I've played extensively and she toyed with years ago but fell out of the habit), and playing together + doing text-based RP of them. I'm really excited! I have a hobbit minstrel who's determined to get out there in the wild dark scary world and turn chaos into stories.

 

Skincare routine really is a hook to hang my mental health on, huh?

 

I like to think of myself as having worked through my damage re:productivity doctrine, but... maybe it's a lot harder to work through this shit than I like to think sometimes :/

aka this is day three of the only thing I'm consistently managing to do being skincare, and I have like... 1) yarn marketing and 2) knitting work and 3) household management and 4) basic cleaning??? to do that's just... not happening

at least k and my sis are willing to reassure me that they're not mad at me for stuff not happening? a lot harder to not be mad at myself though.