I just felt it would be wrong to swear in this thread and not put at least a LITTLE effort into it, you know?
while we're sharing random nouns as insults, i once called someone a stale tortilla chip. dickwaffle, while less workfriendly, is a quite satisfying insult.
I've used "shit-sucking pig-dog" a few times in humorous context, co-opted partially from Monty Python
I've been appreciated restraint more and more, lately. I dunno why, but "What the shit?" is significantly funnier than "What the fuck?" and therefore clearly superior. More generally, I've always been a fan of Captain Haddock's two big curses, "thundering typhoons" and "blistering barnacles" if only because you can build upon them until you get overwrought and end up with "Billions of billious blue blistering barnacles in ten thousand thundering typhoons!" which feels nice and hefty. Aaaand as a lover of Classical Greek theatre, "Oimoi!" is another fav. It more or less just means "Woe!" but if you shout "Woe!" a lot of people drop the E and add an H and an A where they have no business being.
My go to tends to be "What the ever loving fuck?" or "Mother-ever loving fucker". If I'm at work and I need to swear I will typically switch to french and use very mild language but it works.
My personal variations on the first tend to be along the lines of "what the vast, squidgy and kinda-sticky fuck?" and variations there of. Sadly, most of my good swears are when I'm worked up and Karkating about something and subsequently lost 10-15 minutes later until I calm down unless someone else latches onto something. If I'm just stressed or annoyed it's all varying configurations of the standard swears with the addition of the family curse "twatwaffle." If I'm letting out a steady stream of "shit shit fuck shit no GODAMMIT" I'm either approaching a meltdown of nuclear proportions or playing a really good game. Oh! How could I forget! My personal curse, "mother of whores!" which came from a long-running RP and was referring to my character's goddess... who was in fact commonly referred to as the Whore. From another character, "akhkharu's teeth!" usually saved for a level of surprise equivalent to encountering an akhkharu and their aforementioned teeth, or when you are truly, well and deeply fucked. (As when encountering an akhkharu and their teeth.)
I have recently started allowing myself to swear, mostly because of all the creative type stuff mentioned on this thread. I have yet to become creative, but. xD Come to think of it, I could swear in Spanish thanks to my Papa swearing all the time, but doing it in Spanish so the kids wouldn't know (spoiler: we knew). I do remember one book I read where the one dude would call people old timey insults all the time and one of my favorites was one he in which he used "canker blossom." I can't remember the rest now for the life of me, and I don't have the books handy.
i just remembered i've gotten in the habit of saying Whoa there, Friendo. idk why but the added o just makes it feel more condescending. i also like Fuckening Hell and just plain saying Sheesh in polite company because it's such a delightful noise. is that perchance an invader zim reference? :D same haha
I like calling people motherfucking cockbites when they cut my friends off in traffic. (I am carless. Let us all be grateful for that)
"Jesus shit!" has kinda become my go-to exclamation of shock. I guess it's a combination of jesus christ and holy shit now that I think about it
Oooh! I thought I was the only one who used that! My cousin started it by accident- she tried to say both at the same time when my grandma ran into her and it came out a kind of halted combination but I like the way it flows and adopted it.
