My Mom just tried to commit suicide, what do I do?

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by emythos, May 23, 2015.

  1. emythos

    emythos Lipstick Hoarding Dragon

    So, this afternoon I went downstairs to find my dad trying to comfort my mom, who was pretty much having a breakdown. She's been not so good for a while, since my dad was on a business trip. And then she mentioned she'd tried to kill herself but I didn't think she meant recently and then there were sheets with blood on them and I said they were gross because I didn't REALIZE and thought she'd got her period or something and then I saw her wrists and SHE TRIED TO KILL HERSELF last night/this morning at some point and she made an appointment with her therapist but it's in like two weeks and she's all like I don't want to go back to the Hospital but I think she needs to and I feel like it's all my fault because she got really overprotective while my dad was away and I kinda tried to dodge it but maybe that made her worse. And I don't know what to do and I don't want to leave her alone.
     
  2. TwoBrokenMirrors

    TwoBrokenMirrors Succulent Vex Belly

    Okay, I have no practical advice, sadly, but I CAN say that IT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT YOUR FAULT. In no way is any of it your fault. It was her decision to try, and she may well have done so even if you hadn't been trying to 'dodge' her overprotectiveness. You need to not blame yourself, because if you blame yourself you're going to get miserable and, besides anything else, if you're miserable you won't be able to provide the support you want to give.
     
    • Like x 1
  3. AbsenteeLandlady123

    AbsenteeLandlady123 Chronically screaming

    Holy shit, I'm so sorry your family is going through that. I'm in the camp of 'yes she needs to go to the hospital, or not be left unattended at all'.
    It's not your fault. Your mum has some bad brain stuff going on at the moment, but she is the one who hurt herself. You weren't responsible for that. My mum's told me about the stuff she'd do to calm down after getting ready for a suicide attempt. Tea is good, keeping warm and putting on some of her favourite music helped as well. There are countless other people on here who can give better advice than me, if you need to just vent some feelings though my inbox is open.
     
    • Like x 1
  4. jacktrash

    jacktrash spherical sockbox

    please don't blame yourself for not realizing what the bloody sheets meant right away, either. it sounds like your brain was trying to protect itself.

    i don't know how old you are, but even if you're a young adult, you can't be your mom's main support system. you're not trained for it, and you don't have a support system of your own outside the family that can share the strain. if your mom won't go to the hospital, then it would be a good idea to get her friends and/or relatives involved, anyone reliable and kind enough not to make things worse. if she stays home, someone needs to suicide-proof any room where she's going to be alone for even a few minutes, like the bathroom. and someone needs to be there and awake all the time until her symptoms are being managed, whether by effective medication or therapy.

    really, though, it would be best if she did go to the hospital, at least for the initial 72-hour watch period. and any therapist that makes a patient wait two weeks for an appointment right after a suicide attempt is no damn good, tbh.

    i'm really sorry you're going through that. i hope it's ok with you if i pray for you guys.
     
    • Like x 2
  5. Beldaran

    Beldaran 70% abuse and 30% ramen

    Maybe there is some middle ground between nothing for two weeks and full hospitalization. Does your local hospital have an out-patient program she could enroll in? Any therapy groups taking new people?

    Also, when your mom goes to see the therapist, if she tells them that she attempted suicide two weeks ago the therapist is going to have to recommend hospitalization anyway. The difference is, if she goes herself as a proactive volunteer she'll have way more control over what happens and how long she stays.

    Your instinct to not leave her alone is a good one, but you're also being shuffled into the role of caretaker in all of this. It is not healthy for a child to be parentalized like that, even if the parent isn't meaning for that to happen at all. If your mom wants to do the best job of taking care of you (and from your description of her being over protective it sounds like she does), she needs to remove herself from this very high stakes situation where you are forced to care for her/likely to blame yourself if something goes wrong.
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2015
    • Like x 3
  6. Lissiel

    Lissiel Dreaming dead

    Has anyone called the therapist and actually told them what happened? Maybe your mom can stomach the hospital for 72 hours and the therapist can recommend ither optiobs when she doesnt need to be on watxh?
     
    • Like x 1
  7. emythos

    emythos Lipstick Hoarding Dragon

    Thank you all so much. You're all really helpful.
    @KathyGaele thank you, and I may take you up on that.
    @jacktrash I'm eighteen. She made some comments about thinking I don't need her to care for me anymore, I think, which made me feel like it was on me, ya know? The problem with getting relatives involved is that we're relatively (heh) isolated and the nearby relatives are pretty damn bad about brainweird, at least from what I've heard. I want her to go to the hospital, but she's really really against it, and I'm not sure how to bring it up. Oh, and prayers are fine :)
    Also, @Lissiel I don't think the therapist knows. I'm kinda scared that she'll not bring it up, cause my family likes to brush things under the rug and ignore them and she really hates hospitals.
    @Beldaran I have no idea, I should probably look that up, huh?
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2015
  8. wes scripserat

    wes scripserat Hephaestus

    Hey, so I don't have much advice, sorry but *hugs* if needed.
    You were one of the first people I talked to on here, and you seem pretty cool.
    Reiteration of not your fault message.
     
  9. emythos

    emythos Lipstick Hoarding Dragon

    Hugs are needed and totally accepted.
    Don't be fooled, I'm not cool at all. I am in fact a massive dork. You totally seem cool though.
     
  10. wes scripserat

    wes scripserat Hephaestus

    if you are a massive dork, then I am also a massive dork. I think kintsugijin are collectively dorks?
    images.jpg
    *gives picture of evil scientist mice*
     
    • Like x 4
  11. emythos

    emythos Lipstick Hoarding Dragon

    Fair enough.
    Luv those evil scientist mice.
     
  12. wes scripserat

    wes scripserat Hephaestus

    are you okay?
    i realize that might be really is a dumb question, but just to ask?
     
  13. emythos

    emythos Lipstick Hoarding Dragon

    I've been better, but I'm not crying all over the place or poking myself with lit matches or scratching myself to bits. I'm sorta repressing all the feels so as to get work done and stuff. Like, the first thing I did after I found out was go to the Apple store because dad's ipad and my computer were broken, so I had to get those fixed. Can't cry in front of mac store guys, they don't need to see that. And then I had to make lunch, and now I have to go buy milk, and then I have to clean up my room, and sign up for classes, and the list goes on. I'm gonna crash tonight, probably.
     
  14. wes scripserat

    wes scripserat Hephaestus

    Okay.
    I'm giving you cute things because that's what my brain has under the label of Do If Friend Is Having Bad IRL Things, if you don't want that I'll stop.
    I'm bad at knowing what words to use. I have all these words, I have more words then I've ever heard used out oud, but apparently when it's important I can't use them.
    Sorry.
    *more hugging*
     
  15. jacktrash

    jacktrash spherical sockbox

    focusing hard on work isn't a bad coping mechanism, tbh. you don't have to feel your reaction all at once.
     
  16. emythos

    emythos Lipstick Hoarding Dragon

    I love cute things, never ever apologize for cute things. My general method of problem solving is TEA AND CUTE THINGS AND HUGS AND BAKED GOODS, so yeah. I can never say what I mean.
    Thanks. We need way more than milk, so I'm upgrading my to do list to include FULL GROCERY SHOP, so that'll help.
     
    • Like x 1
  17. wes scripserat

    wes scripserat Hephaestus

    I would make you tea, if not for the fact that you're over there whereever and I'm over here.
     
    • Like x 1
  18. Beldaran

    Beldaran 70% abuse and 30% ramen

    The Full Grocery Shopping.

    hungry.gif
     
    • Like x 3
  19. emythos

    emythos Lipstick Hoarding Dragon

    I'm down near Plymouth, surrounded by evil cranberry bogs. Fortunatly, I have an electric tea kettle and cabinets full of tea.
    Yes, that is exactly what it is. "Em, why did you buy an entire rainbow trout? It still has eyes! And you know we already had two jars of honey, and three cans of coconut milk?"
    The answer to the first one is "Dad offered to cook it?" and the second is "But we might run out! Do you know how much we use in a day!?!?!"
     
  20. wes scripserat

    wes scripserat Hephaestus

    New Hampshire or MA?
    Or are there other plymouths?
     
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