Needing validation (general thread)

sure wish my mom wouldn't get exasperated with me and shut it down every time i express an emotion that isn't positive

 

I feel like I've been cut loose from my mooring and am just floating around in circles, frantically bailing the water that keeps sloshing into my boat
Shit's tiring, yo
My self-esteem got ripped down something fierce when I broke things off with my partner a couple of days ago, and now I'm just
Existing?
I've kind of been perseverating on being in a relationship for the last couple of years. I funneled all my energy into it and cared so fucking much it kind of sapped my ability to care about other things, I think
Now when I think about what went down I just feel sick, and hollow :(

 

does this count as thread necro'ing? cause tbh I am feeling a lot of this thread like a lot

like I think I've been getting that generally-morose-need-something-resembling-validation-and-or-attention emotion pretty strongly recently (in the sense of, 'it's always There, just usually a bit quieter' if that makes sense)
which I think boils down to just this. general feeling that everything I do or say more-or-less drifts off into the void and is never seen again by any living creature?
(especially re: creative works, because I too suffer from that thing where you end up placing your entire self-worth into your work and then see it as a personal failing when nobody sees it.*)
but also in like a weird kind of pervasive loneliness that refuses to go away even when I'm talking to someone I care about a lot.

and then, of course, I am mildly petrified of making that known because a) I feel like I've said everything before because I am a broken record and b) I'm constantly worried I'm being manipulative or guilttripping people and only Bad People do that don'tcha know?**

which leads to me bottling up my feelings and resigning myself to misery and being horrendously reluctant to approach people I think are cool because what are you doing you idiot they obviously have way better things to be doing.

*though tbh, tumblr is a horrible place for original work when you don't have a fandom following beforehand. which is fine for some people but when you funnel all your energy into your original fic until it seems like you're incapable of caring about anything else, it kinda sucks. hooray!

**my ex-best-friend, whether unintentionally or otherwise, was very good at making me feel like I was doing this. I still wonder whether he was right.

 

yup, that is a super dumb feel
i hate it lots
*sympathy headbonk*

 

@NumiTuziNeru oh lord, I feel this so hard. I've gone through this a lot in my life, and sometimes still do. Feeling like you're not being acknowledged at all is, ime, worse than being acknowledged negatively. We're people, we (for the most part) need attention from other people - and it's super upsetting when we feel like we're not being heard, or like we're being mentally passed over. Making something and then getting resounding silence from everyone around you about it is crushing.

You're not a bad or manipulative person for feeling like this or wanting more attention to the things you do and say.

 

*sympathy headbonk* thanks guys :'''')))

also; 'resounding silence' is a very good way of describing it and how much it sucks.

 

@NumiTuziNeru *sympathy headbonk* i know that feel.

i don't really do any original stuff lately, but my main fandom is not very big and that gives me kinda the same feeling. like, there aren't that many people willing to talk with me about norm the genie. that and my anxiety has stopped me from really doing any creative work lately, so i don't really have much recent stuff to get validation on. so yeah, not exactly the same but... i think i know that feel.

on a happier note, i've seen your art in the drawing thread and i like it. :D

 

@NumiTuziNeru I know the feeling. I used to frequent a popular fanservice thread on a forum and draw simply because I was guaranteed feedback - not always positive, and I wasn't drawing stuff I even liked necessarily (and it was mostly cheesecake/fluff), but my own original stuff got nothing back. Just dropped off the bottom of the board with maybe 2-3 views and 0 comments. It does hurt when you pour creative energy into something and no-one even acknowledges it.

(Can I take a moment to apologize to anyone I follow on Tumblr etc for not being really active in liking and reblogging but I have this irrational anxiety that if I like or reblog a whole lot from one source I'm going to come off as a Creepy Stalker. I'm aware of the contradiction between me being happy someone reblogs from me and the possible reaction to me reblogging, but. Brain trouble.)

 

I don't think my dad likes me. I don't really think anyone likes me, and I don't think I should be upset by that. I'm likely being overdramatic, and even if I'm not, it's no one's fault but my own. And I don't want to sound like I'm fishing for compliments, but maybe I am? I don't know. I don't think it'd make me feel better, but when has that ever stopped me from doing a thing?

I don't know if this is the right thread for this. I'm just sad and tired and in a mood, so hunting for a proper place to put this little squirt of whine isn't something I'm willing to do. Sorry.

 

i told my mom the other day that my brain tells me i shouldn't need people and she was kinda surprised at this. why is my brain telling me this? why is this a thing that is hapen? is this bpd brain? halp

 

@pixels, I dunno about bpd, but that kind of stuff comes up a lot in my dumb little self-loathing screeds. So, yeah. My sympathies, man.