NSFW RP: consent, minors, and other boundaries

Discussion in 'That's So Meta!' started by seebs, Sep 2, 2017.

  1. rigorist

    rigorist On the beach

    For privilege reasons, I can't discuss that kind of stuff in public. Sorry, but "legally good idea" discussions have to be only between seebs & Jesse & me.
     
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  2. AbsenteeLandlady123

    AbsenteeLandlady123 Chronically screaming

    That's fair, thank you for clarifying! I was unsure, which is why I asked.
     
  3. Codeless

    Codeless Cheshire Cat

    @Mods: fair. It just seemed worth bringing up again since it got kinda lost the first time around.
     
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  4. IvyLB

    IvyLB Hardcore Vigilante Gay Chicken Facilitator

    Oh geez yeah good point.
    I think at this point the only option might be for the teens interested in such a thing existing to make it happen somewhere else... maybe a dedicated discord channel or something? Those are p easily set up and have a big number of moderation tools available iirc though I've never had a discord channel to moderate so I#m unsure of how exactly those things work. Uh.
     
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  5. AbsenteeLandlady123

    AbsenteeLandlady123 Chronically screaming

    Busts through door hi i know how to get additional discord moderation tools.
    Connect a twitch account to discord, google 'discord nightbot', and you can add that to a server and put in a blacklist, timeout system, and provide different permissions to people with different "Roles" in the server such as who is allowed to post links. the nightbot is an officially endorsed plugin bot.
     
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  6. rigorist

    rigorist On the beach

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  7. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    For the record: From my point of view, you don't even need a reason to prefer that people, or people older than you, don't make sexual comments on your nonsexual content, but "I'm young" is a pretty solid reason.

    And basically: If you feel like sexual comments made on your content are out of line, please say so, because there's no way we'll spot everything, and sometimes people may just not realize it might be upsetting. (And "the report button" is a perfectly reasonable way to say so, if you don't want to do it directly.)
     
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2017
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  8. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    So, some thoughts on this: I'm not super inclined to be very dogmatic on most of the rules. Like, I think there's an existing RP that has one minor, but is not in general open to minors, and if everyone involved really wants to keep it that way, I'm not gonna try to ban it. The idea is to set a baseline that's reasonably safe for people, and in the specific case of sexual content and minors, set the default so that people don't feel so much like they are Making A Fuss if they are trying to avoid particular content. Because a lot of the younger people, and a lot of the traumatized people, have a really hard time directly asserting a boundary if they can't point to an existing category or something.

    So if we just generally move all the adult-oriented stuff into an 18+ forum, and the minors avoid that forum, it's probably a lot better for everyone.
     
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  9. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    Okay, like. I sort of get that, but honestly.

    Given how much of the last couple of years people have spent screaming about how I am a horrible monster for not being willing to ban things or people, is it really a realistic concern?

    What on earth would make anyone think that I, or others, are going to suddenly start banning "stuff" in broad swathes, or enforcing "strict" rules? I mean, look at the actual events: We've made an 18+ subforum and posted some guidelines. I am not expecting those guidelines to be hard and fast rules at all, let alone strict ones.
     
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  10. unknownanonymous

    unknownanonymous i am inimitable, i am an original|18+

    okay, fine, it wasn't a realistic concern, knowing you in particular, but the way other people were behaving had me genuinely worried. like, it really did feel like they wanted to ban stuff and set strict rules and like they'd keep on yelling until they got their way.
     
  11. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    Yes, people sometimes form the idea that there should be strict rules and bans, and that they will keep yelling until they get their way. I am not expecting a time to come when that actually works. Seriously, if yelling could convince me of things, it would have by now.
     
    • Like x 1
  12. Mendacity

    Mendacity A bipolar, bigender, bisexual icon.

    I'm popping in to say that I have seen the fear of reporting thing multiple times and in multiple places here on kintsugi. I'm pretty sure that at this point it is a forum wide issue, not just an rp section issue.

    Also that doesn't mean it shouldn't be repaired, encourage people to report things and remind them that the mods are supposed to be neutral (or advocates in some situations). It's just important to remember that this is a forum culture thing that we have been working on for literally years
     
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  13. Morven

    Morven In darkness be the sound and light

    TBH I think it's an issue as soon as a forum grows large enough that the owner/mods seem distant to some residents. I've seen it repeated again and again as forums grow.
     
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  14. AbsenteeLandlady123

    AbsenteeLandlady123 Chronically screaming

    A thing I've been sitting on for a while is that bc there's such a small mod team, in some respects a few peeps feel more like admins than mods, as I define the difference as a mod being someone who is widely active in the community itself? That in no way is meant to dismiss or invalidate the hard work the mod team puts in. I do feel there is in some cases a strong disconnect bc there's so much admin stuff to do that all spoons for engaging with community outside of policy discussion are drained.

    ETA: Also it doesn't help that I have seen really distressing and borderline abusive treatment of mods before in the past, as if they lose the right to be treated with the same basic courtesy, respect, and understanding that any other member of the forum is. Especially @Beldaran, who continually pours a ton of time and effort into keeping this place going on the admin level and has been treated with hostility and mockery for expressing just...opinions? And that worries me beyond just the level of her being my friend, and I'm not okay with that either and feels like it's relevant. It's understandable that mods may withdraw from engaging from the community on a personal level if they feel personally attacked and threatened I think.
     
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2017
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  15. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    Yeah. I've got some thoughts on this, and agree that it's by no means RP-forum specific.
     
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  16. unknownanonymous

    unknownanonymous i am inimitable, i am an original|18+

    intellectually, i know it wouldn't convince you and never has. emotionally, however, i tend to imagine a situation more like what would happen with a mod more influenceable by social pressure - 'cause i, myself, get pretty worn down by people yelling at me and so i end up Typical Minding that most people will cave into it because of how hard it is to stand the pressure. and i've heard about mods (of other places) changing their minds because of people yelling at them before. so yeah, i know those people yelling at you won't change your mind, but emotionally, that hasn't sunk in enough to stop me from being anxious when situations like this occur.
     
  17. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    Fair enough. Also, I suppose, I should point out that even if I think the fear isn't entirely necessary, I still value hearing multiple sides of an issue.
     
    • Like x 1
  18. furrylatula

    furrylatula a good good homestuck boy

    ...........okay just popping in for a second to assure you that we are perfectly capable of setting such things up ourselves

    we REALLY AND TRULY do not need your help to establish aforementioned spaces and honestly im cringing in a 'YOU DONT NEED TO BUY ME CONDOMS, MOM, OH MY GOD' way
     
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2017
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  19. Beldaran

    Beldaran 70% abuse and 30% ramen

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  20. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    So I think my basic stance about adult involvement with anything involving kids and sex is "no". Look, if you set up an NSFW thing and then you have a Problem, like a predatory person shows up and no one knows what to do, yeah, maybe send up a flare and ask for help. But in general? I think it's best for everyone if the adults stay out of that kind of thing, because I have seen some truly epic problems involving the sorts of people who think "gosh, i should just go be a safe adult to talk to for all these teens and talk to them about their sexual desires". Or at least, who say they were thinking that.
     
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