one more year in a frustrating school please send help

I haven't got the spoons to reply to this properly right now, but some of what you said just reminded me of a thing.

I had this friend at school called Luke. We met at the start of school, age 4, and we were close friends for years. (We're not really in touch any more, because life.)
Luke is one of my favourite people. He's witty, imaginative, friendly in a shy way, and far and away the cleverest person I've ever met.
When we were 14ish, Luke missed almost an entire year of school. From what I can gather, he had severe anxiety and got very depressed. School made it worse; it was totally the wrong place for him to be back then. Instead he self-cared and studied independently with the support of his teachers and parents.
Anyway, now he's a maths student at Cambridge.

My point is, school is a blunt instrument designed to optimise learning for the most number of students. Sometimes people are in a situation where it is just totally the wrong place for them to be. And having difficulty at this stage in your studies doesn't mean that you can't still achieve what you want in the future.

I know this isn't totally related to your post. I want to respond more precisely, but I also want to be asleep, so. Remind me tomorrow.

 

That was very encouraging to hear. and thats kinda what mom and my teachers have been saying. Thank you for that. :)

Now go sleep! Your physical being is important!! :P

 

Urgh. I have a habit of not realising/remembering/braining completley things until the night before

Some good things have happened recently;

• picked probably days for off days WITH teacher AND mom
• preformed in a concert on monday
• caught up in all my art things, and other stuff too
• classmates have officially gone from "why werent you here auauauargh WHY" to "oh hey you're back whazzup this is completely normal (escept for some. but the people who I care about more are like this)"
• been getting escited about some of the projects in school, meaning more motivation to do them
• daily presentation have stopped being an all important affair, and some of the presentations are now so shit and no one (cept mme) really cares anymore
• i have both english and french library tomorrow, which means for like 1/2-1 hour I will just be reading my book (and bonus work on reading presentation which I am freaking out about)
• no gym tomorrow
• been doing artsy stuff regularaly
• excited for Kintsugi secret santa

But... tomorrow is sounding pretty FIENUGHBERILGBEIUFN from what I can see

• New band teacher, he wont be here for long (november and december, half of december is holidays) but he is starting tomorrow and id like to make a good impression with him anyway because he will have enough shit from the rest of my class to deal with
• presentation about space tomorrow morning
• first meeting with the new school counseler, no fucking clue what to talk about, kinda generally feeling pretty blarg about it
• my sleep cycle is super fucked rn, and school entails 6am wake up
• speaking of wakeing up, tommorow mom has an ealry start, so options for getting to school are A. walk at 8am in the snow with my saxophone B. deal with mom's driving in the morning and grumpy morning self in general at 8am, stand around school for a 1/2 hour in the snow, with my saxophone
• freaking out about both of the things due at the end of november, because november is going REALLY QUICKLY
• also reading project is sounding fun but also uuuurgg because I can hardly bear to do it for more than 30 minutes at a time
• my computer needs to restart by tomorrow and holy hell I have shit tons of stuff open

 

Okay. SInce it is now friday, I am updating this^ that I wrote about thursday

• Band teacher is v strange, not bad, just strange
• Presentation went fucking great! Got 22/24, and people actually asked questions that would require listening to ask, that was nice.
• new counselor was good, at first I found her voice annoying but I got over that. I spilled a lot of shit out, and she dealt really well with it, finding out that she wasnt just talking to someone with anxiety, but deppresion, panic attacks, possibly dysthymia, and executive dysfunction. I also spilled things I hadnt told anyone else, because I finally had someone who at least said they werent going to tell anyone what I had said
• sleep cycle is still fucked, my recent status talks about that
• I ending up getting driven at 8, sat on the swings freezing cold, then went inside at the bell
• still freaking out about the two november projects, because holy shit where is November??!?
• WORKED ON MY READING PROJECT. but still havent caught up to where I start reading new stuff. It it werent for the project I might be done the book already
• dealt with my computer
• got resources to work on labels for science project

 

Great stuff! Well done on the presentation, and I'm really glad the counsellor is good so far.

 

I'm super glad too. I have her for an hour ish every six school days, so the next one is friday (not today other friday)

Now I should work on space project.
Urgh. Labels.

 

INHJJJJJJJJJJJJGRHUG ADJOGNAKUEGNQEHNYUQENHGTIQEUNH

FUCKING FAMILY
I WAS HAVING A GOOD DAY
I WAS BY MYSELF
I PROCRASTINATED BUT IN THE END GOT SOME SHIT DONE
SIS COMES HOME AND STARTS COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW MUCH HOMEWORK SHE HAS AND HOW SHE CANT PLAN HER EVENINGS AND JUST
WONT FUCKING LEAVE
I KNOW YOU HAVE BRAIN SHITS OF YOUR OWN BUT PLEASE FUCKING ASK BEFORE DUMPING FUCKTONS ON ME
I SPENT ALL DAY WORKING ON SCHOOL SHIT.
YES I KNOW YOU HAVE MORE LATE HOMEWORK THAN ME BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN THAT MY PROBLEMS ARENT VALID YOU FUCKING ASSHATS
I GOT SHIT DONE AND I WAS HAPPY AND I SANG ALONG TO CHRISTMAS CAROLS AND I SAT IN A SPACE WITH SUNLIGHT AND I STOOD UP TO BROTHER BEIGN AN ASSHOLE
ALSO, DEAR SISTER, WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU THAT THEY SPEDCIFICALLY RESERVED THE LIVING ROOM FOR HOMEWORK THAT DAY, THAT DOESNT MEAN CONTINUE SITTING ON THE COUCH ARM TELLING ME ALL YOUR PROBLEMS
I AM DEALING WITH MY OWN SHIT PLEASE SINCERLY FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

NOW I CANT FOCUS ANYMORE (OO FUN FACT, IF i SAY "I CANT FOCUS BOTH MOM AND SIS EITHER GIVE LOOKS AND HALF SCOFF OR DIRECTLY SAY SOMETHING ABOUT HOW THEY HAVE ADD. JUST BECAUSE I DONT HAVE ADD DOESNT MEAN I CANT HAVE PROBLEM FOCUSING FUCKNUTS)
BECAUSE i CAN STILL HEAR THEM WHILE BEING IN MY ROOM WITH THE DOOR CLOSED

FUCK
I CAME INTO MY ROOM AT 6, AND WAS HOPING TO GET ANOTHER HOUR OF WORK DONE. BUT NOOOOO MY MIND IS TOO DISTRACTED WITH YOU GUYS BEING ASSHOLES THAT OVERSHARE WHEN I HAVENT SAID IM OKAY TO GET STUFF SHARED WITH

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I NEED TO DO THINGS
I HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL TROMORROW
THIS WAS MY DAY OFF
AND IT WAS QUITE GOOD TILL YOU FUCKERS MESSED IT UP
FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUU

its almost 7 and I have worked on anything since 6
i have my reading project, which I am not even 1/4 of the way through the book, because taking notes while reading does not work for me, and makes me unable to focus on the book for longer than 10 minutes
I have my genie project, which is estimatedly 1/2 done
i have christmas presents
and I cant figure out prioritization right now cause my brain is angry
aaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh

 

Hey, I just read through this! I think you're doing a good job. You're reaching out and doing your best to get your work done. As for what happened yesterday, it might help for you to definitely have a quiet study area? It's understandable that that derailed you, but at the same time, other people can't stop entirely doing what they're doing. It could help if you had a room where you could work, OR if you had a sign you could flip when you needed focus. Like, you know 'open/closed' signs? Maybe make something like that for your bedroom door, with 'studying/not studying'.

 

Unfortunately all the places that could possibly be used as study rooms are in my sister's fucking territory. She is the only person who sleeps downstairs, so naturally people being downstairs (especially if she is pissy that day) is a huge in my bubble thing for her. Which is dumb, but I don't do conflict well.

My room is in a corner of the house, and the last door in the hallway, so people don't look at it very often.
All the desks in the house (read:four in total 2-3 covered in random shit) are downstairs, and 3 are in the room right at the bottom of the stairs. Also our house is such an open layout that sound goes everywhere.

Thanks for slogging through my problems though? *heh*

 

Well, could you set aside certain times where study-roomish areas are 'yours'? A few hours a day, maybe? As for the sound thing, either earplugs or music helps me. I've heard video game music is actually good for studying bc it's designed to help you focus, but I don't know how true it is.

Also, let me know if you're looking for help with solutions or if you're just looking to vent! Both are absolutely valid, but I wouldn't want to mix them up in my responses.

 

Hmm. Maybe.

I'd can attest to video game music being good for studying. Alas I am anxious as fuck when it comes to playing music out loud, and my current headphones are broken :(

Ah yeah. Usually if it is less coherent (see all caps post earlier) it's probably venting, the more literate I am is usually a sign, but I'll try putting things in saying if vent or asking. :)

I will return shortly, but I phage to email my dad so he can get supplies.

 

Okay.

I sent the email
Little while later dad called
Just got off phone
We are changing it up a bit

He is getting

• black poster paper
• jupiter
• saturn
• sun (they are getting an ikea sphere lamp? like thats super cool? also I can use it as a lamp after?)
• uranus
• tape
• silver sharpie
• maybe some other shit, cant quite remember

Hwats gonna hopefully happen
When I get set up time, I tape (?) the black paper onto the table, put little bits of tape on the bottom of the planets (or use my toothpick setup) to stick them so they dont roll
put cards in front of the planets, first name card, then atmosphere/size card
put star life cycle paper at right side of everything else
put legend cards at left
sat next to or behind thing

today list of shit to do

• write down the etymology of the planet's names (ie finish name cards)
• do the legend cards
• DYE THE FUCKING COTTON BALLS YOU DUMB SHIT THOSE TAKE AGES TO DRY
• maybe sand the last 2 meteors
• sleep decently you idiot

tomorrow list of shit to do

• receive supplies
• maybe sand the last two meteors
• PAINT THE FUCKING PLANETS AND METEORS AND HAUMEA
• add the dried dyed cottonball fluff to saturn and jupiter
• add cottonball fluff to uranus
• cut saturn's rings
• find way to stick saturns rings to saturn
• finish the star life cycle paper (optional) (if I run out of time this isnt necessary)
• not die
• eat

After everything is done

• work on reading project, discussed with mme, had kinda contradictory info for me, said that if I filled in the minimum amout of setting clues and had a presentation (ie my minecraft thing im making), that id be fine, regardless of if I had actually finished the book (i underhandedly asked if as long as I filled in the shit, I didnt have to have finished the book. she seemed to have taken it as "Im almost done but I wont finish it before the project is due" while i meant it as "I am in the first bit of the book but this is marks so I''m gonna use my own clues for the first part and then just google it, since its a pretty wellknown author")
• work on kintsugi secret santa shit
• work on christmas shit
• ie relax ish
• sleep at decent time you have a fucking field trip the next day
• not die
• eat

urg
that was a waste of time wasnt it
fuck
anyway
I need to start this shit load of stuff
i will pop around, feel free to give me sort response breaks from this hellhole
*tired half smile*

 

Good luck! Looks like you've got it planned out well, at least.

EDIT: Also, a lamp as the sun is a really cool idea. I think it'll look good when it's finished!

 

urgh

So I got roped into helping in the kitchen for dinner, which took up lots of time, but I have dyed the cotton balls and left them to air dry (please cotton balls, please air dry by tomorrow)
Had dinner, but it was really strange and I didnt like it very much
will now work on the note cards and legend cards *sigh*

Also mom got home with the lamp and its SO COOL :D :D :D
I am totally claiming it for my room after wards, specially since I only have a really shit lamp.

Unfortunatly I probably wont be able to plug it in while there, and since its a fucking good glass lamp shade, I dont want to paint it, but maybe I can tape some orange tissue paper or something?

fuck
go work dumbass
aarg

 

Welp.

Dad couldnt find things for jupiter and saturn
the closest things?


Melons
I am using fucking melons XD
Immna wrap em in tape, aand then paint them
Fucking MELONS

XD

 

IM FUCKING DONE

Everything is done, and packed. I have a field trip tomorrow, but me and dad are bringing it all early so that it can ask mme a few questions (wondering if I could have some extra time to set up since I have so much stuff, and if I could get an extension cord for the sun)

Now the bad part
I finished everything, and we decided to pack it in a suitcase (rolly one) with all our plastic bags
the melons since the were heavier would go on the bottom, and everything else would go on top, and have pastic bags packed around it
SO saturn has a cardboard ring around it, and I didnt want it to fucking fold under saturns weight, so what I was going to do was pack bags under and over the ring, so that instead of saturn being like this:
-@- it would be like this []@[] and then have way less of a chance of folding.
So I started to do that, and i have no idea why, but apparently dad was sick of me taking so much time, maybe thinking it was a "i dont know what to do so im gonna noodle around" but he grabbed saturn and put it in a bag, loosley wrapped it, and put it in the corner of the suitcase. he continued to chuck the planets into the bags, put them in the suitcase, and roughly push some bags around them. I started amost cryong then, because angry body language is a really big trigger thing for me, and when he stopped, having demonstrated what he meant he thought I should do, he went away and went to bed. I was crying by this point, and slowly took everything out, being super careful with these things, and layed everything out on the floor, and started doing it my way, putting saturn in a bag, packing the bags on top and below, putting that bag in multiple others, always wrapping tightly so that there was no chance of movement, and putting it in the suitcase, packing more bags in the gaps above and below it, then putting jupiter in a bag, packing it in another and another, putting it in, packing around, did a bag with all four terrestrial planets and all dwarf planets, one with uranus, one with neptune, one with the asteroids, packing around them, putting the most around the melon ones, and when I ran out of bags I put in the cotton ball bag, and then put to pillows on top to fll it completely and unmoveabley. I put my notecards and my atmosphere cards into my bag, put the trash bags im using to cover the table in the outer suitcase pocket, put the sun lamp in its ikea box, put thetape in my bag, moved everything except my back by the door, so it is easier in the morning.

in the moring, I am going to go early with dad, and bring all the stuff into the school, bringing it upstairs into my class. then dad can leave. I'll ask mme about whether I can get an extension cord for the sun, and ask about what the transitions between classes will be like (we have three 7/8 classes, mine is third). If we have 5 minutes to set up and take down, I'll ask mme if I can have some extra time for all my shit, maybe 10-15 minutes to be safe (trashbags taped to table, planets taped to the covered table, crads taped to the table, some writing scribbled on the bags with my silver sharpie so they know whats going on, sun in place and plugged in, ready to turn on when people come in, suitcase moved away, (I also have to factor in unpacking time, also repacking time))

guh
tomorrow I just have a field trip, but I need to think of hings to bring for bus
I may or may not be able to bring my ipad, but should I bring drawing stuff in case of not being able to?
I should probably do homework on the rides, but like I am so fuckinng tired
also I dont know who the hgell I sitting with, which factors into what I will do
i may try to sleep
idfk
argh

anyway
hugs?
condolences?
congratulations?
other things?

*very very tired smile*

 

*MANY HUGS* congrats on getting it done!!! i won't be able to make it tomorrow unfortunately, i have an appointment at your exact time. :( can you take pictures of the set-up? because I would really like to see it ...

 

All of the above. Good job, Imo.

 

Aww..
I could probably get pictures, but we could porbably also just set it up in the house sunday when you come out, and then I can take some not rushed pictures of it for here.
Thats assuming the melons will last that long.....
wednesday to sunday night isnt that long...........
then we can cut into jupiter and saturn and eat the planets' cores! Mwahahaha

Thanks for hugs and stuff.

 

:/ can you take pics with your iPad maybe? and sure, we could set it up Sunday. I'm pretty sure I can imagine a couple of melons. :P