one more year in a frustrating school please send help

Not sure if I can bring it in, could probably negotiate with mme. I'm assuming she will be taking pictures of everyones' projects too.
the melons will probably last fine. and then we eat the planets!!

 

OM NOM NOM

 

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT MOTHER

I snap at you guys once, because I'm having issues focusing with you guys talking around me, so I snap, and ask you guys to be quiet for the next 10minutes, so I can finish my last 9 questions.

YOU (and oonly you) proceed to stand up in your FUCKING LOUD AS HELL cowboy boots, and LOAD THE DISHWASHER. HOW IS THAT QUIET IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM?

I was soooooooooooooooooo close to just yelling at you to stop. Honestly, are you fucking deaf? Can you not tell that your cowboy boots are awful and loud and distracting and LOUD!?!! Also, in what world is loading a dishwasher, quiet? Like, how???

And she walked back and forth between the livingroom and kitchen like, 5 times, how did she not notice me shaking in anger and frustration??!

I hate those fucking boots.

 

venty vent vent

dear fucking brother.
I told you to get my garbage as well, sinc eyou were doing a garbage run, and usually forget
So you proceed to not do the normal thing you do for everyone else's room (grab garbage can, empty into bag, leave)
in-fucking-stead
You go in, empty the can, and decide it's your fucking right, to go in farther and grab the garbage around my room (because what is executive function) and then come out and say something snarky "Hey Imo, next time can you try putting the garbage in the garbage can"

WHAT THE FUCK DUDE

HOW IS THAT YOUR FUCKING RIGHT

WHY DID YOU THINK THAT WAS OKAY

Also, you fucking had a problem similar to this and still do, where you couldnt keep your room clean.
and you are like the most neurotypical person I know (this is mean and I shouldnt think this because I do not get more excuses just because I have shit wrong in my brain)

AARGH

 

Dammitdammitdammitdammit

So I had an okay day yesterday at school, and had a productive day at home today, but then I feel super overwhelmed at the prospect of going tomorrow. The fuck brain? Mme did say I could come either tomorrow or Friday, tomorrow I have a dentist appointment. I was all sure of myself and everything, I was going to go Friday, so that after my dentist appointment, I could just come home and work on whatever, and not have to go to school and present. I emailed mme and everything.

Which brings me to one of the other problems. I have two late presentations, due whichever day I go. A Jeudi genie, and a lundi lecture, jeudi genie I finished a page of research for today, so I can just bore everyone by listing all of jupiter's 67 moons. Lundi lecture is a bit more stress inducing, I have to talk about a book I've read in the past, or one I'm reading right now. I don't want to talk about one right now, because it is a children's book about sentient mice. Hnrg.

Also, I have to walk to school Friday because dad is traveling, and thus not here to drive me.
If I had decided to go Thursday, mom would've skipped class and driven me after my dentist appointment.
But I do NOT feel up to going tomorrow, so..................

Fuck you me. Why do you have to be so shit at life.

I have lots of work due soon too, I have to finish something I HAVENT EVEN STARTED for December 17 for secret Santa, and mail it. I have a reading proje due either on the 18 or after break. I have math due this Friday and the 18 that I don't quite fully understand, and I have Christmas presents to do, and just thinking about having to calculate Aida cloth to cut makes me lose tons of what little motivation I have.

And my computer is kinda fucked rn, so I can't do one Christmas present, and have like NO access to lots of files I need, and ms paint, and text documents.

Euennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnhgggghnhhnnnneueneneugebne
I want to cry, but that'll only make me mor tired.
I also kinda want hugs.

: (

 

*hugs*

 

oh - also, for getting stuff done that's mindnumbing - like cross stitching or w/e - I highly recommend podcasts. i can listen to podcasts and stitch for literally hours and it just flies by.

 

Just measuring Aida cloth and calculating where the stitching will be and how much border I need is just reaaaaaly hard for me. It all needs to be exactly where it's supposed to be, and then it all fits nice AND doesn't waste Aida cloth. (I know that this is silly but it just completely fucks with my head)

I was considering podcasts, but don't have any specific one in mind that I want to listen to.
I also don't have headphones.

 

hmmmmmmmmm

i usually do dots at 5s and 10s on my cloth, then cut with 4-5 stitches extra. i lose a bit but that's okay. also then i have dots for convenient gridding later on.

headphones are a problem. i will think about podcasts. i know you do not much like creepy, so i will not recommend creepy ones. Grownups Read Things They Wrote as Kids is really funny. Gastropod is interesting, it's about food.

 

I've been doing 1 square high lines at every ten squares along the edges, but I have never gridded into the squares, so I endure having strang lines of me counting going between big gaps I have to jump.

I did see that GRTTWK in do you cast pods, and was considering it. I've been watching/listening to Mystery Incorperated (scooby do TV show) the past days, and am like, 8 episodes away from done.

 

ah yeah Scooby Doo's always fun. and i almost always grid in otherwise i spend too much time counting and also mess up way too much, and fuck THAT.

 

Maaaan I was working on a cross stitch for sis, and I fucked up a line of text by one square, and didn't notice until the end of that line.

I ripped it all out and did the line again

 

I know this feel bro T_T

 

Yeah like that mass effect one. Remember?

 

...yes -_-

 

Bumping this thread again because HOMEWORK

• Jeudi genie (ramble about space research)
• Lundy lecture (2 minute presentation about a book I have read)
• One last question on a math worksheet that baffles me
• Ixl section 7.v.39, quarter circles, area, perimeter, radius.. Edit: is now optional. So hahahaha nope.
• December reading project
  • Write settings clues down from book
  • Pick style of presentation (diorama, talking, pictures, etc)
  • Prepare presentation style

Due dates

• Tomorrow
• Tomorrow
• Probably tomorrow
• Monday edit: just got a message from mme, 39 is now extra credit, so fuck that.
• 18 of December, or after break.

 

Hi I'm back.

I "talked" about career shit with parents today, and other things, and just blare why.

Anyone know how to explain the like choking up feeling you get when you just like can't do something?
Like, "I have school tomorrow" (*cue choking up feeling*)


Also fucking depression is a biiiiiiitch.
I wish I didn't lack all motivation to do things
I wish I didn't feel like crying every other night
I wish I didn't only laugh/smile/display any emotion towards shows and books and characters.
I wish I didn't want to be in fictional universes with characters who might be able to see my problems and just fucking hug me for hours and try everything in their power to make me smile, or react at all even if it just meant sitting next to me.


Speaking of which, every so often (like, every couple months) I get like a week of soul crushing depression stuff based solely on "all these characters that I love and imagine myself talking to, every day, don't exist and I can never meet them or experience them interacting with me. It is not possible and will never happen"
Cue me sobbing or sitting there stony faced internally crying.

That is one of the reasons I want to happy lucid dream, so that I could conjure up settings, like a virtual reality simulator, and be there with them, and be able to talk and laugh and cry and be comforted by these people I admire and love and want friendship with and

Hugs and advice and comfort?

 

i'm not entirely sure but i'd guess that's executive dysfunction

 

Fuck fuck fuck
Parents stop fighting while everything lie child except Kay can hear you.
Especially since this started with me being picky about food
Just pleeeeeeeeease stop
It hurts me so much to hear you guys fight
It's been so long since you've had a fight and I really was getting better emotionally
Please don't spiral back down to having fights every other night
Please. Please
Please stop bringing me up
Please stop bringing me up
I understand now what happened cause I talked to you
Mom I don't WANT you to be mad for me
Me and dads fight is resolved, please stop bringing it up because it made YOU mad
Please please please
Fuck me
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
You were doing so well at not fighting

Uuuuuuuuuurgh

I want hugs pls

 

Me and sis talked a bit, she cheered me up inadvertently.

:)
Still would like any spare hugs