Out of context quotes thread

I'm pretty sure they were just making up a silly story, but I can dream.

 

A: Why not <film it>? You're already going to get in trouble.
G: Because then I'd have a phone, and that would make it worse. That is a crime.
A: And assault isn't?!
G: ...
G: ... Let me rephrase. That's a felony.

Spoiler: Context, because HAHA JOKING

Husband informed me he wants to punch one of his more dense, obnoxious officer students in the head until he stops being dense and/or obnoxious. Filming it would actually be worse than punching the dude, because they are in the sooper serket innards of an operating Naval nuclear reactor powered-engine room.

Filming in there would be "disclosing state secrets" and possibly treason! So, worse.

To be clear, Husband is not actually going to punch a dude, even if dude is a tremendous, gaping asshole

 

Spoiler: I apologize in advance

Yeah, you need before you punch anyone's gaping asshole.

 

[7:18:18 AM] Does Bruno Mars is gay?: Oh no I taught the children murder

 

"You can't just take people's pants like that!"

Spoiler: slightly nsfw text

"Of course I watch gay porn, I'm a 15 year old boy. What else am I supposed to do in my free time?"

 

"In a spiritual sense, though I hate to use that term to refer to bratwurst angels."

 

"Are you sure these schematics were scaled in meters? I can barely move."
"Y'know, my last partner didn't complain nearly this much."
"Your last partner was crushed to death."
"And never once complained about it!"