Out of context quotes thread

Since when is a hunk of fermented milk a suitable means for celebrating a marriage?

 

Sacristan seeds must be kept in close proximity to the tabernacle, otherwise they will not grow.

Spoiler: context

A group of my friends and I are spending the night at the haunted Cathedral on Christmas Eve, and the guy who's 'in training' to become a Sacristan (person who takes care of the vestments and things for worship) is in said group, and since he snores we're planning to banish him to the Lady Chapel, which is the closest room to the tabernacle.

 

It only takes 1 turd in the stew to make it turd stew

 

"Nuclear weapons, much like polar bears, are known to only inhabit the northern hemisphere."

 

I can GUARANTEE that the context for this one just makes it worse

 

Vagina dentata--the snack that smiles back!! (I've made this into a cross stitch pattern. That's how unrepentant I am. ^_________^ )

 

"I didn't know JFK was a disney princess"

 

...well, camelot.

 

"I can't decide if that's an argument for or against the internet."

 

"I know exactly nothing about orienteering, except that it is not about travelling to China."

 

Well, Anakin used two.

 

Spoiler: context

our paladin may or may not be down to 4 hp rn, and even if they aren't, they have lower max hp than our squishy wizard. and we were just attacked by a stone lion bc they rolled a nat 1 on a bluff check

 

"you can pry these melons from my cold dead labia."

 

*insert Cookie Clicker joke here*