YES AQUARIUM PLANTS ARE SO NICE anubias is basically impossible to kill but if you wanted to get a small bottle of say, seachem flourish comprehensive, adding a little here and there definitely wouldn’t hurt! but anubias grows reeeeeeeeal slow as it is so it’s not gonna need a ton of ferts and tee bee ache a lot of ppl just stick osmocote in their tanks so throwing like. two beads in there every now and then would probably be fine too. but if they Do need ferts it’s only very occasionally so tbh i’d just stick it in there and see how it does, and only fertilize if it seems to be struggling if u get one and it drops leaves at first don’t worry too much, i see it less with epiphytes like anubias but aquarium plants are rly prone to losing leafs upon entering a new environment & will grow better-adapted leaves if given time
thank you! my idea is really to make the orchid the focus plant but then i don't want an entire empty bowl so like... either something hard to kill like anubias, or some simply floating ones like duckweed to add some visual interest to the water surface itself?
okay so. Time for some more character ramblings. Spoiler: Destiny!Matt So there are some Matt Issues that are true basically across all incarnations. One of them is that he's very duty-bound. in OG verse, that's his duty as a necromancer. in Destiny, that's his duty as a Guardian towards the City, which is also why the Drifter had no chance in hell to win him over. Because even though his impression has improved from 'would sell me to satan for a cornchip', he makes himself no illusions that the Drifter immediately would fuck off if something were to threaten the City, and he could get out. And Matt can't do that, ever. The other thing is serious controll issues. OG!Matt has them stemming from his necromancy. He needs to be in control of that, and by extension himself, all the time. He can't afford to cut loose, or terrible things will happen. In Destiny-verse, it's part forgotten first life issues, and part training. His specific school of Voidwalking also requires tight control, and he's gotten even better for it after the whole Lyk-incident, because he spent half a year in hostile territory looking for her, and giving himself some additional issues along the way. As a consequence for that, when he does go out to have fun, that's very deliberate. He makes a decision to go and be irresponsible for a bit now, because all that tightly held control needs an outlet sometimes, and he's using that in a very deliberate fashion. Which tbh is a lot better than just sitting on it until he explodes. And last but not least: he's got issues around spaces he considers 'his'. Being invited into his house, or room, or ship, is a privilege that gets awarded to people he trusts, and it takes quite a bit of time for him to work up to there, especially if it involves leaving someone alone in his private spaces. And it's a privilege that if abused means you immediately get cut back to basics and also a considerable loss of trust all over.
Spoiler: Video game bitching Wow do i hate that announced update or what. Yeah i sure do. Just yeah. Put me under a lot of pressure to get everything i want done in like 3 months, it's only three years of content what could do wrong. That's totally not gonna be a joyless grind. Fucking hell.]
I Just Don't Like This It'll only be revant cone September but honestly? Honestly? Not sure if i wanna play this anymore like that. At least i joined now and got the legacy campaigbs done already but like. Fuck fuck fuck.
Spoiler: more bitching Also lowkey highkey worried that 'the trud nature of light and dark' is just sneaky wording for 'it's grimdark and you're evil now!' what with the whole darkness subclass and the naming of the expansions and such. And like. I don't wanna shell out 60 bucks only to then be told that it's gonna be all my least favourite tropes anf i won't play it because i don't find that fun or relaxing and so far the gamd has been my go-to relaxant after work Just. Bluh. Change Bad. This change especially bad, potentially. Put it back.
I just realized part of my upset is probably from being stuck at work while having a tension headache from the Crick in my neck Body plz.
Spoiler: more vidya complaints/vent started season, got into the lore, feeling of I Don't Like This rapidly increasing. I don't want this to be a whole 'everything you did up to now was for nothing and also wrong, welcome to the (literal) dark side because that's the actually right side' thing but fuck if it doesn't look like that's where we're going and I just. Don't like this. 'you've been the evil one all along' is not a game twist I'm particular into for things I play and get invested in but it sure looks like the one they're heading towards and just. blegh. BLEGH.
talked with some people, less upset about vidya now. strongly suspecting initial upset was mix of like...general upset because *gestures at the world* and pain because i had a terrible crick in my neck the last few days that was quite painful + headache, and i know that being in pain makes be thinskinned and bitey
Spoiler: the body horror Matt takes a deep breath, eyes focused on the curls of smoke that coil up from the incense. The smell of burning herbs is sweet and acrid at the same time, heavy, intoxicating, all the things that makes it easy to stare into the smoke and let the thoughts wander. His breathing becomes slower, more deliberate. This is easier when he focuses on the things a body needs to do to live. The smoke seems to coil slower, slower, until it freezes in the air. His chest still moves, even though breathing hurts now, millions of pinpricks as he inhales, drawing absolutely zero into his lungs, feeling the tissue freeze and shatter with each forced move. There's blood pooling, except not, frozen into the cracks too quickly too really bleed. It makes his chest heavy, drowning in air, in blood. The pain is exquisit, so far beyond what human nerves are expected to deal with that it's barely pain anymore, it's a transcendence. His last exhale is a fine crimson mist hanging in the air like smoke. He can barely just see it through the ice as his eyeballs freeze, lens crystalizing with a sudden shock, another double-lance of pain piercing into his skull, strong enough to nearly knock him out. But only nearly. He inhales again, and suddenly She is there, heavy in his head, hands on his shouldersblades, mit on skjn but the bone itself, creaking under the pressure. His eyes clear, and the first thing he sees is his hand, milk-pale skin gone transluscent enough thst he can see his bones, through them, to the marrow within. The cells are dividing rapidly, a skittering about like an anthill under his skin that yet never leaves its confined shape. The will that flexes his fingers is not his own, and gentle as can be, but it's no less eerie to see hus fingers move like that, without his input, sinews bare shades under his skin. When he looks up, the smoke still hangs in a frozen coil. Mod sits on the table beside it, and here he can see the rot on her. Bloodied fur, bones poking through skin, one eye cloudy and not quite solid anymore. She mews at him, and this time his emotions are his own when he reaches up and picks his familiar up, presses his face into mangy fur. His cat purrs, so does the heavy presence in his head, Satisfaktion settling deep into his stomach. For a moment, things are superimposed, the reality of Modgudr, broken and dead, and the reality of her healed Form existing in the same space, then it shifts, settles. Only the live cat remains to noof at his face. Matt knows it won't be the last time today he sees this. Every mirror will show it to him, his own bones shimmering through skin, his lips blue and swollen from decay, spilt skin over flesh on the brink of saponification. It won't last. But it also won't stop. Not for him, not for anyone else he sees today. But enough tarrying. Hands tug under his skin, long claws hook under his ribs to pull him up, forward, out. He could resist, but why would he want to? He has promised his Lady a walk, and he intends to make good on it. Matt feels his lips curve in a smile too wide to be his, showing teeth that shouldn't fit into his mouth, crowding his jaw without pain but not without blood. It tastes like more than iron now. It tastes like he's kissed an open grave, a sacrophagus theeming with power, and the shudder of delight at that is all his own.
for accountability: tomorrow i gotta: call hairdresser for appointment i am dying call doctor for vacc appointment for FSME. meant to do this in march, then plague happened take out the trash maybe some sunbathing in there? weather's so nice...
Hairdresser and doctor called, appointments made for next monday, 11am and 8:30 am respectively. Means I gotta get up at 7am on my free day, but on the plus side: protection against viral fuckery AND finally rid of the mop on my head. took out trash went to lake for a swim and some sun, so I even had my bit of exercise and vitamin d production today.
I saw a tumblr post a few days ago that was bugging me and thdn i realized hey. This is my blogspace. I can ramble-essay in here. So the post was basically 'lol why are white cishet woman monsterfuckers, don't they get that the Monster is a metaphor for oppressed minorities' and like.i feel like that's nonsense on so many levels. One, not every Monster is a minority metaphor. Like with some of them like fishbae from the shape of water? Absolutely. But the xenomorph from the Alien Franchise very much isn't a metaphor for a minority. It's supposed to play to humans fear of the dark, of being hunted, of being helpless. With yeah sexual overtones because HRGiger design but like. That thing's supposed to terrify you. And yet people are so horny for it. And going by the amount of 'xenomorph Queen but with like, boobs' porn i've seen? That horniness transcends gender and sexuality pretty easily. Some guys want double-jaw blowjobs and like, more power to them. Sometimes the Monster is just...sexy. Even if it's terrifying. In fact it's sexy because it's terrifying. And like, even in cases where the Monster is not supposed to be the terrible enemy you gotta overcome... Yes even white cishet women live in a society that's honestly pretty shittyto them. The reaction of 'give me a man with like none of that baggage (and also give him big teeth and claws)' isn't terribly surprising imo? And spiralig of from that: humanity is a whole being a bunch of raging terato/xenophiles? Isn't surprisimg, really. Consider the fact that your modern human got here because apparently every time our ancestors met another hominid species, enough people of both sides went 'oh HOT' that we can still find their genes in modern humans, sometimes surprisingly many of them. And apparently this happened everywhere, with neandertals, and denisovians, and at least one ancient homo species we only know about because they got it on with h.sapiens in sub saharan africa. Like, we literally see mounting evidence of another homo species, not by bones and tools, but in the DNA of their extant descendants. Everywhere humanity met different-but-crossbreedable other people....we sure as fuck crossbred. A lot. And can we say that all that procreating happened consensually? Well...no. But there isn't a whole lot of evidence of cross-species violence either. Certainly not on the scale we'd expect if today's 4% of Neandertal DNA were the result of rape and pillaging. So i don't see why we should assume that what happened wasn't 'sapiens woman sees Neandertal man, swoons right into his muscular arms' Our species is a species of raging xenophiles and this has contributed to our success. By now we merely have run out of other human species on the planet so obviously we aim for more exciting shores. And in the light of that, i think it makes perfect sense for Monster/alienfuckers to occur in all genders, sexualities and ethnicities. It's just something we as a species do. *deep breath* In conclusion: stop getting judgey about which people are lusting after Abe Sapien. It's exactly what our horny, xenophile collective ancestors would have wanted.
Oh that post drives me bonkers. Like I do get frustrations with white women. There are problems to address with how they are viewed by society and how they act and so on. But like. The sexuality of white women is still very much a controlled thing. Their sexuality is mocked and derided. Or outright denied as existing at all. Even while still commodifying their bodies as sexual objects for men. It's really not great to be doing that exact same fucking thing, deriding and controlling their sexuality, and then pretending that it is somehow woke. Karen is a problem, but Karen's still getting a raw deal in many regards and sexuality is one of the worst ones she gets.
It's possible to come at it from both ways too. I find being the monster and taming the monster to be equally interesting stories in different ways.
