Purple Narcissist Dystopia/Flowers in the Atticro

oh ALSO

we need an anti cronus whos a hyperparanoid street preacher yelling at all them damn kinksters

who, through some horrifying twist of fate, is actually right about 90% of the time

at least until he ends up in saturns inner circle that is

 

Just sayin, Doogie Howser is a valid troll name.

 

Venus is my waifu tbh.

mfw the implications slowly dawned on me:

Spoiler: I dunno if this is okay to post here, so my OC shit behind the cut

I suppose I could just use my Cronus as an OC since he already sorta had a canon cameo in one of Ray's fics? I already talked about my headcanon for The Morning Aftercare which is that my Cronus was just on the way home on an already shitty day when there was a mustard factory spill nearby that ruined his shoes and made some weird Cronus in a marching band uniform violently assault him.
Oh, that reminds me, what would Ray!Cronus' Cronustopia name be since he seems to be his own thing?

As for my CrOC (stealing that), I guess his shtick would be that he is comically unlucky and somehow accidentally ends up in countless awkward situations that make the CroPolice mistake him for a criminal, only to subject him to "executions" that, while over-the-top violent, never manage to actually kill him. Maybe he could be somewhat of a regular at plastic surgeon Cronus' clinic?
The funniest(???) part is that he is a genuinely creepy and manipulative predator, but the authorities always seem to ignore any of his actually bad behaviour because something something ham-fisted metaphor about Ray and his ilk ignoring or even perpetrating genuinely fucked up things while focusing their vitriol on harmless shit. Also, it's kinda hilarious in an awful way, I guess.

As for a name, I was thinking "Chad" because he's beefy, but he's probably already complaining about Chaadd Tdrblg on TrollReddit and Vwizardchan. I guess it could still work in an ironic way? I googled for other stereotypically douchey names, so other options would be Brad, Biff, or Trent.
Anyway.

He's a wannabe PUA (okay, that's pretty much Cronus in general) and a bit of a weeaboo, and his skin care and hair care routines are ridiculously elaborate. His type are mostly people with obvious insecurities and/or low self-esteem.
Also, he actually does need glasses but is too vain to wear them in public. He doesn't want to get laser treatment because he thinks the squinting makes him look mysterious and contemplative.
Has some dope-ass shoe laces.
(While Ray!Cronus' weird obsession with Chad!Cronus' "pretty purple shoelaces" weirds him the fuck out, he doesn't want to admit to him that he got them in a bargain sale and has a whole box of them at home because he kinda likes the attention.)

On a completely different note: holy fuck, I haven't touched my tablet in about half a year. What are all these buttons what do ;-; ?? I forgot everything.

 

venus is the waifu of half the cronuses in town tbh

including itch

itch does not understand the concept of 'drag'

itch is a very problematic woman

 

are they even allowed to talk about their friends in cronustopia. i got the distinct sense that theyre not

 

all this means, of course, is that the thriving black market also sells bodypilows

 

heres some art that wouldnt fit in the op courtesy of @Trashbiter, this one's adult slick

scratch got laid. itch thinks its hilarious

itch is about five seconds from falling the fuck off

also dragonsonas:

Spoiler

slick

itch

scratch

venus

saturn

oily

 

ALSO there needs to be a football jock! cronus to <3< wannabe nerd! cronus

bonus points if football jock cronus is pimply, scrawny, and nearsighted and fucking hates exercise

 

this implies that theres a cronus whos factkin with every one of their friends too

pity the mitunakin cronus

 

WORSE YET: he isnt even mitunakin hes just some random cronus who died of a really, REALLY nasty head injury and everyone else decided he was the new buttmonkey mituna

 

i should probably explain the oily/venus/saturn hate triangle thing

SO back an ass long time ago cronustopia was ruled by a CIRCLEJERKING TRIAD OF WANKSTERS, aka saturn venus + oily/mars

and it was just as bad as it is now just with more anarchy/personal liberty

ANYWAYS mars + saturn, being horrible egotistical fucks, practically Begged venus to auspicitize. like the troll equivalent of sticking your kitty ass in the air

venus promptly fucked off bc no way brosé leaving saturn to kick mars out

mars promptly restyled himself as oily bc what better way to get back at yr douchey ex bf than rapemurdering his subjects

venus drinks to forget

 

the cronus whos decided hes factkin with feferi is, very much someone ive encountered on tumblr irl and im screaming now thanku john

a feferi approaches him to try say that's a little creepy and he spends weeks yelling about how entitled she is overreacting like this

 

Saturn(left) and oily(right) being "auspicitized" by venus. he's tired of their shit.

 

he sends his toadies into venus's bar so hell 'accidentally' overhear them loudly talking about what a GREAT GUY oily is with TONED ABS and a VERY HATEABLE FACE

"a buddy of mine sawv the oligarch take his shirt off in the showver, and he said that the oligarch had an eight pack. that the oligarch vwas shredded."

 

Now I want Venus to be (drag)queen of Cronustopia. #MakeCronustopiaGREATAgain2k16

...oh my god, I'm unironically into this.
Somehow you managed to turn Ray's tenuous grasp on language into a beautiful and intriguing blackrom ship tease, almost making Oily seem witty instead of like an embarrassing try-hard.

Also, I just noticed that Clairvoyant seems to be missing from the chart. He's the blind and mute (I think?) guy who doesn't really get much agency because disabled people only exist to further the goals of the normal people. Considering the, uh, general sensitivity Cronus has demonstrated on the subject, he probably has a pretty shitty time in general :(

By the way, didn't Ray describe Oily as a short twink? Because I can't unsee it:


This is my headcanon Oily voice now, overwrought prose and all:

"Remember, this is a friendship festival - you can't trust ANYONE" sounds like something Oily would say. I'm not sure I want to know what a "friendship festival" in Cronustopia would look like :I

I guess Clair could be the ever-suffering Sergeant Dunder?


Pretty much the exact expression I would assume Oily to have during the execution of a "degenerate" Cronus:

 

Seriously, though.

 

we're having a hard time tracking down a voicelaim for venus

^fits into who hes based off of design-wise

^fucking hilarious considering what a jackass he is

 

i like it.