Reasons My Kintsugijin is Crying, or; The Weepy Marshmallow Brigade

that took so long to load that I was worried it'd be a different comic that would also make me cry, but no, that's the one

 

I stumbled across the fantasy artist that my parents both like (Rodney Matthews) and a bunch of his artwork. And there are dozens of pictures that I used to see every day of my childhood and then forgot. I never even knew the artists name. I've just found them all at once and whomph. Right in the feels. I can't even describe it. Like, 'Oh yes, there's that picture of the spaceship taking off that I used to try and draw myself. And the weird alien rock band that we had a poster of in the hallway. And the moose creature things walking through the snow that my parents had framed.'

 

This poem is punching me in the gut today.

It won’t always be like this.
I am going to buy you a sandwich.

 

noooooooo

;_; tonight is just a sob-heavy night in general

 

i just became overwhelmed all of a sudden by the fact that lately i've been so happy, and people have been telling me that they value me, unprompted, to my face, and it's just. it makes my heart hurt, because this time last year i had completely given up. i was so certain that nothing would ever really get better, because the problem was me, fundamentally, and i would be a miserable worthless disappointment for the rest of my life, so why was i wasting everyone's time and energy and money by dragging it out?

i don't know. it's overwhelming, realizing that i don't feel like that anymore, and that i can believe people when they tell me they value me, and not feel like i've somehow tricked them into it. isn't that fuckin wild. okay this got a bit heavy so i looked through my saved photos for some levity

tapatapatapatapa

 

I cried a bit because I remembered why birds do the stampy thing (to get worms to come up so they can eat them).

 

I feel gross about affection and don't wanna touch anyone

 

not so much 'crying' as much 'need to lie down and not exist for a bit' but i kind of had a realisation that the way i (and other kids too probably) was treated as a ~gifted~/special ed student in high school had a lot of similarities to aba and i don't know how to process this thought or if it's even valid or not

 

Kitty got back from the vet. Her kidneys are failing. We caught it early enough that medication is still an option, thank fuck, but. I don't wanna lose a second cat this year :c

Update: she can't hold down even the tiniest licks of vet-approved medicated gentle wet food for more than a few hours
This... doesn't bode well
Fuck

 

I bombed a test. I did badly on the first test, too, in this class. If I can't pass this class I can't graduate and I'll have spent 5 years and tens of thousands of dollars of debt for nothing.

 

Sick Kitty fell down half the ladder from the top bunk and ran out to the hallway before puking
She is trying So Hard to Be Good and I love her

 

Im crying because im watching a documentary about a chinese fireworks artist whos father would spend all his paycheck on books instead of his family, even though they were living in poverty. He would say that the books were his fortune and one day it would be his children's fortune.

During the cultural revolution they had to burn all of them for three days straight and i cant. Book burning always makes me emotional and i cant, i CANT handle this

 

Cried at the end of most recent MBMBaM b/c of baby stuff.

 

So, uh, my Most Favorite Anime/Manga Series is Chrono Crusade. The anime has a sad ending and the manga has completely different sad ending. And I cry my eyes out over both of them, even though the anime is not as good and varies wildly from the manga plot. Just. The endings are so freaking sad.

Other books and stories I've cried about:

Alan Dean Foster's "The Man Who Used the Universe." Objectively there is no reason to cry except the titular character is a fucking mess of a human being.

"The Cold Equations" by Tom Godwin even though the ethical quandary isn't one

"The Ugly Little Boy" by Isaac Asimov (the short story, I think there might have also been a novelization?) The ending is theoretically happy, but I cry anyway.

There are many, many stories and also shows I've cried over, these are only a few.

 

Bridge to terabithia

 

Everything's happening too much

 

donald trump

 

Florida so far.

 

im so fucking scared

 

officially declaring this thread the "Holy God My Country Might Actually Elect Trump What The Hap Is Fuckening RN" panic room. let us hug each other. we'll get through it together, marshmallows