Reasons My Kintsugijin is Crying, or; The Weepy Marshmallow Brigade

I'm glad they were supportive and understanding! As they should be!

 

If it helps, I tend to get upset in situations like that too—if it’s an activity I’m enjoying, or that I promised I’d do, or anything like that, I get super bummed and feel awful if I can’t complete it, even if it’s for an extremely good reason! I’m glad your bosses were understanding, though—now get your rest!

 

Yeah they are the best bosses in the world :) they were super understanding about meeting in the middle to let me set up a morning routine unless it's super urgent, and then the afternoon is just little things that they can't get done themselves, so we can get the library back to normal

We were completely shut down for quarantine, and as we were just re-emerging back into the public, the big freeze happened and burst the pipes twice, we lost a lot of books. We just had our grand reopening a couple weeks ago and we hope to start book readings and crafts for kids back up, then we're scheduled to bring back movie nights once a week, weekly music nights and eventually family painting classes; though that's only about half of what we had before

 

I like escape room puzzles in theory. I do not like being one of five loudly arguing people in a small, hot, stuffy room with the same tune blaring in the background over and over for an hour. I held it together till I got home, but stress combined with Hollywood Undead's "Pour Me" coming on on my MP3 player at that moment (I almost never cry at music but HU's sad songs do it, which I probably should be embarrassed about) set me off.

 

Once again Mr Rogers succeeds in making me bawl, and it's not even him

Spoiler: Big img

 

Having to return a biting ferret to the breeder somehow led via other worries to a spiral of panic about how my parents are likely to die soon. ("Soon" meaning within the next two decades or so, but, like, comparatively.)

 

One of my coworkers is leaving to another state to take care of her parents, and I've only known her like 5 months but I'm hella attached. She's so kind and patient with me when I can't remember how to do shit for the millionth time and has been with the library like 15 years, which has made her an absolute badass with everything book. I admire her a lot, and it doesn't help that she herself isn't at peace with leaving

 

Weird emotional release feels and physical tiredness from scrubbing out my filthy bedroom.

 

Tripped, wrecked my ankle, and cracked my laptop screen.

 

My ferret won't eat. Taking her in for blood test tomorrow. Hope she's okay :(

 

The fact that I can't eat orange marmalade. It upsets me every time I think about it, not always to the point of crying, but I am very sad I can't eat my favorite food in the world ever again unless I suddenly out of nowhere can stop taking the medications that shape my whole life. It's a reminder that I'll be medicated my whole life just to function, and can't have this one thing out of many that brings me joy. I've become at peace with no fun alcoholic drinks, or other limited food options, or how well and how long I sleep, or even the financial aspect that looms over me. But marmalade? It's the final tipping point every time. A simple meal of toast and marmalade with a nice cup of tea on a rainy morning. Unattainable bliss.

 

It also doesn't help that we got a jar from the food pantry and no one else in my house will touch it. It's just there, unopened, in our food stores. Taunting me

 

I am really, really burning out. I'm supposed to be proofreading a thing AND completing challenges in 4TheWords AND cleaning the flat AND exercising and in the words of Allie Brosh IT'S LIKE THE THINGS NEVER END

 

This comic. Also I have a medication hiccup. I ran out of one of my antidepressants over New Year and now it's taking a while to build back up and I'm sad.

 

Watching The Last Unicorn for the first time and crying with Molly Grue.

 

My therapist has cancelled three times in a row and everyone is ignoring me.

 

My sister and I were supposed to go to dinner tonight. It's been rescheduled 4 times already, mostly out of either of our control. This time, though, I asked her before work if we were still going and she said "yes, definitely", I get home only four hours later and she says she needs the car to go see her friends. I'm just. If she genuinely doesn't want to do it I wish she'd just say instead of ditching me over and over

 

So I checked the criteria and I probably have body dysmorphia. I'm rationally aware there's nothing actually wrong with my face but I really hate mirrors and sometimes it's impossible not to think of myself as ugly, and that and the weight thing are probably not helping each other.

 

Phone Calls

 

hurting