Reporting the mods

None of this.
You don’t apologize for cultural conditioning.
You don’t apologize for trying to come up with different ways to remember someone’s gender, BUT if something you have done in that attempt has caused harm you apologize for the harm you caused and promise to make an effort not to repeat the specific thing that caused harm.
You don’t apologize for being stupid.
You don’t lie.

Let me give you a few examples of some decent apologies.

“I apologize for misgendering you, I will try to remember next time.”
“I’m sorry my use of nickname was offensive, I will try to remember not to do that again.” (You can maybe even add something like “I meant it to help remember to use your correct pronouns, but since it has made you unhappy I understand that this is not acceptable.”)
“I apologize for taking so long to give you an apology.” (If apologies are something you struggle with, maybe you can mention that! “I have a hard time apologizing for things when I am very emotional about them, even though it has taken me far too long to apologize for my actions I hope you can accept this in good faith.”)

 

Ach, too much... Can someone condense things that need to be responded to?

 

you seem to have come under the misconception that anyone here has any obligation to engage with you. every last person on this forum could stop engaging with your posts and block you, and every last mod could decide they don't have the emotional energy to sift through your posts for approval, and none of us would be in the wrong for doing so. no one is under any obligation to interact with you.

if you are unable to be polite to people and continue to punish them for interacting with you, then don't be surprised when you end up entirely alone. you will likely be the only person in the entire world who finds any fault with this. given this knowledge, would you still think every last other person aside from yourself is wrong?

 

furthermore, it is your sole responsibility to bridge the communication gap between yourself and the rest of the world.

you might think that this is unfair, but life isn't fair. tough shit.

we can try to help you if we feel like it, but we've got no obligation to, and ultimately you'll still end up being the one who has to bridge the gap. no one can change this.

either suck it up and clean yourself up so you can get to work, or stay miserable for the rest of your life. these are the two choices that life has given you, there is no sense in sugarcoating it. it's unfair, yes, but it's also just the way it is for you, and no one can do anything about it but yourself.

 

While I understand the accumulated frustration, it's rather interesting to imagine someone who just came back from a few months of taking a break for the forum and coming back to read the stuff all the people here are saying. "Wait, what? Did the forum culture just completely change while I wasn't looking, or-- oh, its literally just for this person?"
Again, I understand the previous context regarding this. But do you think you would be able to make progress if you were treated this way? For fuck's sake, we basically just had a mod say "She's a narcissistic abuser, that means she's beyond all hope of recovery, everyone should just stop interacting with her".

 

Would you say anything like that about someone you wanted to see get better?

 

do you think she would make any better progress if she were treated differently? i'm doubtful. posts made in both malice and best of intentions are read as being just the same. the communication barrier prevents almost all distinction. it is beyond us to enable her recovery, but she might be able to succeed herself.

though that still doesn't change our insignificance to it.

 

The thread has definitely picked up the pace. If you feel at all overwhelmed I recommend you just take a short amount of time to relax if possible before coming back to the thread. Maybe just listen to some of your favorite songs, watch a few episodes of your favorite show, eat your favorite snack, and then see if you feel up to coming back and looking over our responses. It is hard for the conversation to meaningfully progress if you are too stressed to focus.

 

Because you're a mod of this fucking forum. I'm starting to see Rigs's point on staff accountability, honestly.

 

Hi I'm literally in this position and if this was the first or even third thread resulting in abuse toward the community and mods with " you made me do it" language from athol I'd be agreeing with you. I've been giving her the benefit of the doubt, painstakingly explaining things.
Her behavior is both narcissistic and abusive. Pretending it isn't is a disservice to any attempt at getting better.

 

Ah, the good old "this is Emotional Labor, I don't have to explain anything to you!"
If you can't do that, you shouldn't be in the staff of a forum geared around recovery.

 

What the fuck, Alix.