I've tried several different methods of trying to take criticism, including agreeing with the person doing the criticism, and I get yelled at for it because I haven't found the right way. Has anyone tried "this is the right way to do it?" because one example of taking criticism I got from someone was literally a long list of why I was wrong when I suggested changing the first pronoun of the chapter to the POV character's name. I am wondering about the etiquette of someone saying something is bad or yelling at me for doing something and then doing it themselves. What's the proper procedure for accepting untrue criticism?
Look, I'm going to keep this brief because I'm dealing with a shit day on top of personal shit happening. I'm sorry I triggered you by using a pseudonym of a famous drag queen. I did not realize that until you mentioned it, and I will stop calling you that now that I am aware of how harmful it is. In the future, please alert me to this sooner instead of telling it to a third party so that I can remedy the situation much quicker. I'm not a mind reader. I don't know if you saying 'brought up a memory' means a flashback or a grump about things long past, or to what degree it harms you. Furthermore, even while not on post mod, I frequently either report things to tell the mods 'hi, I don't want to start a fire' or mention something to that effect in a HITCV thread. Like I mentioned, I have an inability to tell how my comments will often be perceived, and I've been the aggressor in a trash fire before. It sucks, but I ate my damn humble pie. Once again, stop talking about me in threads that are not the TCHGB thread. It exists for a reason and I'm sick of playing this game where if you whisper shit about me, I'll show up. Cut the shit, quit with the DARVO and leave me alone.
I've said several things to you in the other thread and almost nothing got through. Maybe not about the drag queen, but stuff that's a bit more important. There was a level of basic insult with Jativa or whatever the hell her name is, but mostly it should have been funny. Some of the other stuff was downright mean in the ThCHGBetter and trying to get the bottom of it keeps getting filtered because it's "hurtful" without any indication about which line to edit. I'm getting the impression that you're allowed to dish it out but not receive.
Wow, I was about to throw more time and effort into the helping pit, even already knowing just how fuckening pointless it would be, but luckily you said this. Thanks for reminding me not to waste my time.
Note: everyone's on post moderation when they post in TCHGB, and is thus subject to the very same mod-based filtering.
As a heads up if you didn't intend it this way - this reads incredibly passive aggressively. You will be wrong sometimes. This time here and now is one of those times. You have been told how to better construct an apology. Showing that you have: A) read that B) taken it on board by drafting a different apology Would be an example of taking criticism.
Like not everything needs to be an extended back and forth You attempted to post something which would have been abusive if it had been allowed to go through. The meat of it was explained here, when you expressed confusion about why it wasn't allowed to go through. Alternate ways to apologize without being accidentally abusive were offered. If you want to be helped, accept the help. Show you can accept you were wrong, gracefully, and apologize without digs at yourself or at the feelings of the people you've hurt. That would be accepting criticism.
post mod is meant to minimize hurt. if you're actually TRYING TO HURT PEOPLE while on post mod, well. this might be a wild suggestion to you, but perhaps the wiggling is well deserved. just a thought! ~mild topic shift~ that said, i think you've already dished out enough hurt, specifically to etansel. this is WHY you have a TCHGB thread. this is WHY time and time again we've all been trying to help you dictate your thoughts and opinions and anecdotes so they WON'T cause harm, or if anything, a minimal amount of splash damage. you haven't been cooperative to anyone who tells you when you go too far, or when someone mentions you're being hurtful. you've attacked and attacked and shifted the blame to attack some more. where does this end for you? get help. real actual help, not advice online you'll ignore, not an echochamber that makes you feel better about yourself, get help.
Ur continued pings of this person after being told to stop and after replying to that directive in ways that make it obvious u understood is smth no human being with half a brain can see and keep on thinkin the problem is miscommunication Keep talkin shit if that's what ur about I guess but the tenacity in ur malice is p obvious to me
emphasis mine @Athol Magarac this is a bad look. The boundary is explicitly, crystal clear laid out there in the quote above. If you're not willing to abide by it then stop talking to Etansel. Leave them alone. Move on from this and accept you messed up.
Is declining a request wrong? I would talk behind their back, but they don't like that either. They're just the most clearcut example of something going wrong and the mods being unfair about it. I've gotten a lot of malice from that end, but I'm seeing through the cracks that we have so much in common that it's a shame that we probably can't reach a point of civility. It's not like I can talk to Cowboy about their attitude, but they're easier to write off as a meaningless jerk.
Please, please acknowledge my previous posts here. I've tried so hard to help. At least acknowledge that you've read the post on how to adjust your apology
it wasn't a request. it was etansel explicitly stating hard boundaries. it was etansel asking you to respect them (their boundaries, their comfort level, them as a person). you have continuously complained about them asking you to respect them and treat them as a person. you have continuously trampled all over their boundaries and tried to make justification after justification for hurting and threatening them. you keep mentioning how they can apparently hurt you but you can't try to hurt them. maybe that's because if they hurt you, they weren't fucking aiming to. you don't get to throw punches if someone accidentally nudged you.
I'm still having trouble parsing this bizzaro-world. And outside-people can't come into the TCHGB and I'm just so convinced that the mods are holding me to a different standard when not seeing how harmful it is. Now @rigel is saying that I actively set out to hurt someone when I keep having this delusion of trying to think of how to explain things as politely as possible? How do I reconcile that I'm a bully and an abuser and not hurt people by putting myself down, which is trying to convince myself that my memories of trying to be balanced are false?
personally i would like very much to believe that you're not trying to hurt others. but, when you keep trampling over other people and complaining about hard boundaries, and then continue to do these things after repeatedly being told to stop, and then attack people for trying to help you, and THEN complain because post mod ensures that you can't hurt other people, i'm really not up for reading you so charitably anymore. for the record, i dont believe you're a bad person, or that you'll never change or that you'll never learn. i just find it hard to believe personally that so much of this is just accidental.
Yeah listen u can say u done did wrong without self-flagellating Funny too how you can try something, and then fail at that thing. Like trying to be "balanced" whatever that means here and then stomping on a clearly stated boundary because..... .....obvi it's a request. Lawl. Ur tryna weasel away from accountability for ur awful nonsense. Ur buttmad and fixated on someone to focus that buttmad flailing on. And maybe ur convincing urself that all ur actions are rational and fair, bc u believe ur not the sort of person to lash out at an object of ur fixation, but I'm watching u pull some of the same bullshit I've seen or even done myself and damn it just ain't slick
before I start pls understand that I don't actually expect any of this to get through to Athol. I'm mostly doing this bc boredom, low impulse control and avoiding issues in my own life. have you considered therapy? people think you've set out to hurt someone bc pretty much everything you've posted has been hostile or cruel people think you intend to hurt others bc your actions have had that effect consistently enough that it's hard to believe that it's not intentional people think you're doing things maliciously bc every time you've been called out on attacking someone else, you've doubled down on the attack your understanding of what's polite is extremely skewed Get Thee Into Therapy
Can I just take a second to acknowledge that Athol is upset and unhappy with this whole interaction? Discussion keeps getting tangled and snarled up on both past and present hackles, and the way this keeps playing out is deeply ineffective on both sides. However, as a person who has had their own share of chronically-snarled interactions with people, I think it's important to acknowledge that this isn't just trolling or being willfully inflammatory on their part. From where I'm standing, it looks as though Athol has some high-tension sticking points, making smooth interaction in certain contexts very difficult for them. And while it can be deeply frustrating to see the same conflicts generated over and over, seemingly unnecessarily... in my experience it's all too easy to unfairly attribute that to malice or even just a desire for conflict. I've been there, and it isn't fun. It's horrible. Not only does every conversation end in an unwanted fight, but people treat you like a malign presence, and their advice for remedying it seems at best like telling a depressed person to just cheer up you miserable bastard, and at worst like a really calculated kick in the head. "It's simple: just apologize for messing with people, proactively agree that you will be wrong and/or lying about everything you will feel or say in the future, promise to back down at all times, and most of all be grateful for this chance to be acceptable". That's not what people are saying, but it's what it can feel like from that position. And as such, it can be very natural to dig your heels in and refuse to budge. Athol, I haven't delved into the specifics and I'm not making any judgment on them from either side. There are ways you could make things easier, but I acknowledge that they are not easy or straightforward for you, and would taste of capitulation to injustice. I have been here myself, and I know how much it sucks. I don't believe you are participating in bad faith, and I further acknowldge how deeply unpleasant it is to feel dogpiled by all of this. You have my heartfelt and straightforward empathy. I don't believe that others are participating in bad faith either, though frustration does wear the soft edges off people over time. The pattern is faulty, because various anxieties and interpretation-tropes (to coin a phrase) keep buggering up communications in both directions, at the border between you and everyone else. It is fundamentally unfair that you have to do all the heavy lifting to work around this embuggrance, because communication is a two-way street and you're not a bad person, so why should you have to do all the work? However, that unfairness is imposed by the whole situation, not by individuals. There's only one of you, but billions of others - so regardless of how unfair it is, it's unrealistic to expect every other person to adapt. It sucks that you get rained on, but you carry an umbrella anyway. Would you like to talk about general cases of interactions that seem to keep going wrong for you? It seems like specific instances could get a bit fraught, so maybe some hypotheticals or vague-and-woolly examples might help to navigate a lower-stress path through things. I've got no stake in the specific things people get yelly about, I'm very hard to offend on most topics, and I've kind of been in your shoes. If you want to chew over any of this stuff, I gotchu fam. And if you don't, you're welcome to tell me to fuck off :)
