Reporting the mods

That isn't rubbing your face in anything, it's pointing out the actual chain of factual events, a thing you've specifically shown and said you have trouble keeping track of.

You have not apologized. And that is severely fucked up. I don't think the conversation should progress until you have made it clear that you understand your threatening behavior was wrong and can promise to try not to do it again.

 

Yeah, you're really selling me on the "go through a humiliation and give us something new to mock you about"

The fallout from trying to apologize feels like a kick in the teeth, and now you're saying that there's no upside?

I'd rather come to terms again with how I'm still the same unwanted freak I was back in highschool and I am going to die miserable no matter what I do.

 

I don't think you understand the function of an apology very well.
It's not a 'make people stop bothering me' button
Apologies should be about not wanting to do harm, and communicating regret for doing it accidentally.
You classifying them as 'humiliation' really just sounds like you consider other people's pain secondary to you being inconvenienced.
Which would be pretty fucked up.

 

Yeah. an apology is about the other person, and their pain, and only about you in so far as that you caused that pain. It's function is to clarify that 1) you're sorry for causing pain 2) you'll do your best not to do it again.

It's not always pleasant, but that's a side effect of it, not the primary function. People aren't asking you for an apology because they want to humiliate you. Nobody here wants that. They're asking for an apology to make you understand that the things you said were not ok, and need addressing, and need at the very least verbal amends.

 

Then how about Spock shows me how it is done?

I was very hurt when Spock kept talking to me after I told them not to. I'm now trying to embrace how it's all my fault that they kept doing it because they insisted I was lying when I was just trying to express what was bothering me. I'm trying to embrace that it's my fault that I chose to feel emotions and be hurt by their actions. It's just like in High School where if I expressed that something was bothering me, they'd giggle and keep doing it until I got too worn-down to feel anything.

 

Athol. Stop it.

It is not spock's fault. Spock gave you extremely clear instructions and a boundary. An incredibly reasonable one of "stop lying about what happened and I'll stop talking to you." She would have stopped talking to you if you had stopped lying.

It sucks that you felt distress and your emotions are real but Spock doesn't need to apologize because you kept lying about her and she refused to let it stand. This is not a Both Sides situation.

I have shown you an apology when I apologized for losing my temper at you. You said you were gonna keep that on record for reference. Maybe pull that back up.

 

Just watching this like, I just don't know if Athol can actually grasp the things she's done that are wrong and hurt people, and that she's just trying to use apologies as a means to get people to stop, and failing spectacularly at wording any of her apologies

And if she's just trying to do apologies to get people to stop, then I don't think there is the sincerity behind the apology that people want.

Like before Athol can give that kind of apology, there needs to be a whole reframing for understanding people, and she needs professional help for that probably.

 

I am being reminded of PLEASE STOP from Hyperbole and a Half. You don't magically get your way just because you tell someone to stop.

 

Yeah, the think is that I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be sorry about. I translate this as advice that I shouldn't say empty apologies about things I don't understand just because the other person wants one. "I'm sorry that you misinterpreted my words and got angry about that?" "I'm sorry that I don't have the ability to simulate a brain I don't have?" I've been told that those are both rubbish apologies when that's as sincere as I can be.

Yeah, no, I'm just trying to figure things out. Could you stop reading the wrong cypher; or whatever the hell phrasing won't set you off?

And then I decided to budge a little. I guess I didn't expect you to budge from your POV to adopt mine. I honestly can say that I didn't have a plan, I can't honestly say whether I would have followed examples to make you feel like shit as an add-on to the beratement for the original slight, or if I would have been true to one of the metal rules in actually treating your apology the way I would want my apologies to be treated.

Not you personally, but that's what moderation feels like.

Image reaction... there's this clip from Black Beauty TV adaptation... in the book he describes why this one particular posture-harness is so horrible, and his drawing-partner freaks out because she thinks her neck will snap. I was looking for an animation from the 80's, but this is pretty close to what I remember. Longer freak-out balanced by someone actually stepping in and breaking the tension.

The problem is that I let myself get desperate enough to resort to those threats. I apologize for not weathering the storm of your continued provoking. I should have gray-rocked you, but I made the mistake of being emotionally vulnerable. I'll try to keep in mind that escalating the emotional reaction does nothing but titillate the provoker.

And I got tired... poke me if there was anything I missed.

 

This is bullshit and it's fucked up and I've told you why before.

No.

No.

It was never acceptable to threaten that. Never ever. You weren't being "emotionally vulnerable" you were being controlling and abusive.

Stop it.

 

Also I'll say again - spock did not provoke you. it is not her fault that you react badly to her trying to be nice. you had previously yelled at her for being short with you. it sounds like you are trying to silence her because you feel bad despite the fact that you are being severely abusive.

spock did not provoke you. spock did nothing to deserve what you did and continue to do to her.

 

Oi vey. All right. Well this certainly became a thing.

That's an extremely good point to make, and I also don't think I made it very clear that I'm not saying other people shouldn't walk away when progress hasn't been made (gods know everyone should avoid destroying their own health for no or little gain on that front). I'm hopping in this as Johnny Come Lately here, so I don't have any burn out, therefore I don't mind throwing in what I got and letting that be that. Athol is on post mod for a good reason, and people are just fed up for a good reason, I'll never say otherwise.

I also didn't make it very clear, because I didn't have words for it at the time, that the whole "x people don't ever change" is legitimately triggering for me, and I admittedly don't always respond well to that. That said.

@Athol Magarac for fuck's sake. Leave it alone and let it go. And yes, I mean you specifically, considering you have been the damn instigator here. Enough is enough.

 

And I do feel completely dehumanized when people just keep poking me and poking me and then telling me it's my fault and that I'm being nasty when they finally get me to snap.

 

Oh, I also have a severe problem with language. Asking if someone is delusional is giving credit to them for telling what must be the perfectly accurate unbiased truth. I'm sorry for not knowing that, and I'll try to remember to call people delusional when I agree with what they say.

 

I'm sorry you feel that way, that sucks. However it is really important to note that your requirement that spock not talk to you while you were actively lying - intentionally or not - is unreasonable, especially given that all spock wanted was for you to stop doing that.

So, let's turn your own thought processes back on you for a second - why are you angry at spock when you kept poking and poking and poking and then telling her it was her own fault and that she was being nasty when she was just asking you to stop, and then dramatically escalating to threatening behaviors, insults and further refusal to stop.

This isn't a turkey peacock situation anymore, maybe it was in the first two instances of you saying untruths and her asking you to stop, it's not now. It's you being in the wrong. And I'm sorry, I know that sucks to hear, but you're not in the right here.

If you want spock to leave you alone? Check the facts of your assertions before you post. Don't lie about her. Check the timeline. Don't ping her. Stop holding her responsible for your self harm.

I'm sorry you feel dehumanized when your insults and such are pointed out, but we'd be doing you a major disservice if we didn't. You've made some lovely posts in my thread, which I deeply appreciate! I know you can care about other people, and I genuinely think you can make friends here but not if you keep doing this stuff.