Reporting the mods

You have been told, multiple times, in various phrasings and levels of annoyance, that self flaggelation and guilt tripping have no place in an apology. You are not being yelled at. You are being corrected by people, and told to try better.

 

I can't leave. If I go outside, people will see me flailing and twitching and I'll get locked up. And I don't have anyone to talk to because the thing I'm not allowed to talk about.

And there are tears. Fuck me.

 

this may come across as very infantilizing and dumb, but i am 100% serious: do you have colored pencils or crayons or chalks or something?
If you do, I find it often helpful to shut off the computer for a few hours, turn on some music and doodle nonsense on scrap paper until i feel better.

I will be honest this is likely my last attempt to offer you a productive way to disengage, because I am really not a fan of how you make this thread and the mods responsible for your emotions. You're an adult and no one is forcing you to be here on kintsugi.seebs.net. If you don't like your time here, log off and find someone else to talk to. That's how the internet works.

 

I have plenty of art supply, just no room to use them. I do need to make a meatloaf, which can be done on top of the stove.

 

Oh, and turning off the computer and playing music are very contradictory. I'm not at mom's house anymore, so I can't figure out if the phonograph still works.

 

It got wiggled, but I said the complete opposite several times including this morning.

 

i'm sure there were reasons for that wiggling, and also it's really not like i can mindread or divine what the contents of the wiggler are.
If you have a smartphone, you can use that to access music. Youtube has a big library of chill video game soundtracks you can use for focus and relaxation.
I personally am very partial to the soundtrack of the Dragon Age Series, or that of The Witcher 3. Skyrim also has a very nice orchestral atmospheric soundtrack that works great for drawing and cleaning and cooking alike.
If you are more of a fan of electronic music, Toby Fox's Undertale and Delta Rune have excellent sountracks.

 

Saying that I'm responsible for my own emotions is self-flagellation, gottit.

What happens on the backend on the thing I'm not allowed to talk about?

 

Did people not tell me that it's my own fault for getting angry at someone?

 

Does "I got so desperate to make it stop that I made threats" mean bullying?

 

nnnno?
People are telling you that your emotions are valid, but lashing out at someone is unacceptable.
The productive way to deal with anger is to try and talk about what is causing the anger so that misunderstandings can be cleared up
or
to walk away from the source until you can engage productively and reasonably.

 

So you wiggled me for doing what people wanted?

I keep saying that it's my fault I got angry.

Wait, you're saying that 0=on and then saying that 1=on.

 

So it's not my fault that you(group) decide to keep wiggling shit. And you(group) threatening to keep wiggling things unless I stop doing the complete opposite of what I'm being wiggled for isn't acceptable.