Requesting Funny Pet Stories

My cat, Dracula, will knock anything and everything under the fridge, freezer, cedar chest, under the doors into the various closets, and into the nasty gross heater covers and and and ...

I rescued the toy mouse from under the fridge, and carefully put it down on the other side of the room. Dracula stares at me without blinking, moves his paw very intentionally, and bats the mouse across the kitchen floor and back under the fridge, then proceeds to clean himself nonchalantly.

He's also drowned said toy mouse in his water dish, and meowed at me until I 'rescued' it, and then sat and watched it dry until it was 'better', and then absconded with it ... whereabouts STILL unknown.

 

Boo does something similar. She drowns all her toys, stares at me until i fish them out, waits until they dry, and then puts them back in her water dish

 

ragecat (my sister's cat who I'm p sure is actually a rage demon ala Dragon Age) does this and it's mildly unsettling except when she does it w catnip toys, bc then it's p clear she's trying to make catnip tea. (she also makes a hash den out of a cloth laundry hamper whenever I refresh her catnip toys and it's kinda troubling but also impressively inventive for a stoner cat)

 

My brother used to take his cat in the car with him when he and his friends hotboxed it and got her stoned. It had the weird effect of turning the most neurotic, violent, spazz-tastic cat I've ever known into a total cuddlebug. She also ended up better than a drug dog at finding his weed stash.

 

me: who's a good girl? who's a good girl?

dog: *immediately does a naughty*

me:

 

So, I'm petsitting my parents' Boston Terriers. Their names are Elliot, Missy, and Buster, and they are bored. Missy rang the bell to go out; she'd just been out a few minutes before, so I knew it was because she was bored, but I got up and opened the door. She and Buster zoomed out, and Elliot just kinda watched them go but didn't bestir himself from his nap spot. I left the door cracked, and they barged back in a minute or two later... and before I could close the door, Elliot trotted out, and they both turned around and followed him back outside. They then proceeded to stay out twice as long as he did.

Shortly afterward, I gave Buster a peanut-butter-stuffed hoof to chew on. He proceeded to carry it around without chewing on it for several minutes, then somehow dumped ALL the filling out in a lump. Missy promptly snatched it and ate all of it in like 2-3 bites.

 

When I was in high school my parents finally acceded to my sister's begging to get a cat. This was back in the days where families had A Computer Room, and after school I'd spend a lot of time in there writing and chatting online. There was generally something to get started for dinner, but I didn't have to do anything about that till 5.

I paid about as much attention to what was going on outside the computer room as you might expect (0), so while there was probably some forewarning of what the cat was up to, the first I knew of it was when the computer room door was pushed open... and Penny dragged in a pound of ground beef that had been thawing in the sink. I think she was hoping that I'd open it for her. I shouted and grabbed the package, she bolted, and we all learned important lessons. The humans learned how far Penny will go to get food, and Penny learned that she can't bring me anything she wants to eat.

 

these animals are perf and I love all of them

@LadyNighteyes they sound like a bunch of siblings playing and bugging each other

@budgie important lessons to learn. Penny sounds like a perfect little monster

 

Pretty much. Except Elliot is also a grumpy old man who wants this damn kid to get off his lawn. (He was like that about Missy, too, and both times resulted in a gradual growing resignation to the fact that they are not getting off his lawn.)

 

yeah, Alex is currently the grumpy old person in our house. Momo is... v simple, and will forever be a puppy. Alex likes to kick her out of whichever dog bed she's currently in, bc Alex is a bitch (in every sense of the term). we're considering getting a beardie puppy, but that might not happen for a while

 

Just before we moved to WA, my family adopted a three-legged cat who was abandoned because his previous owner moved to Hawaii to live in a post-Y2K commune. (We named him Theodolite and called him Theo for short.) There were already two cats in the house, however, and they were not happy about this big goofy new cat moving in. They promptly hid upstairs while Theo hid downstairs, and for several days if you made any loudish noise three cats would start hissing in unison. (They started getting along pretty quickly, but the first little bit was... Tense.)

Also, when we moved, we got some cat Valium to help them not stress out on the drive, but Theo was so big that his dose was too small and every 15 minutes or so we'd hear a mumbly "Mrrrooooww...." from the backseat where his cat carrier was. Poor guy.

The first thing Kitty, one of the other cats, did when we let them out of the new house after moving was try to stalk and chase a deer that was eating the lawn. Kitty was probably 10lbs max.

 

Missy's like that. She's like 8 and still pretty much acts like a puppy, except that it takes less to tire her out than it used to.

 

One of the roommates noticed a thing with our dog. He's small, he's a little bit territorial about the apartment, but outside it he's generally happy to make friends with other furry creatures.

There's a couple dogs on the street who he'll contentedly dog socialize with if they're out on walks at the same time. One's scared of him, for some reason mysterious to all the humans involved, which is a shame--especially since that dog has a great fluffy tail we all cheer to see.

And there's a fair number of sorta-stray cats in the neighborhood, and the dog gets along fine with all of them. He lets them sniff and sniffs back, no barking or hissing or anything involved. Except one. The orange one.

The weird thing is that all the other cats are black and white. Roomie's theory: since our dog is about the size of a large cat, and these cats are the same colors as him, he's thinking of them as weird dogs. But the orange one is too visibly different.

 

She is the most wonderful monster. She also tries to get into fights with the neighbourhood cats, despite the fact that a) she's inside and they're not and b) they just sit outside the window while she's yowling her face off and hissing.

otoh she is a cat who genuinely wants you to rub her fuzzy belly and who has a sixth sense for when she is needed as a hot water bottle.

 

Lupin just tried to steal my bag of pixi stix that I keep under my desk for hypos. She's 16. You'd think she would have mellowed from the weirdness of her youth, but nope, still there...

 

How To Wake Hooman Up For Cuddles At Butts O'Clock In The Morning, a comprehensive guide by Shorty McGordy:

1. Gently rub face on hooman's face.
2. If that fails, put nose in hooman's earhole and snort-purr as loudly as possible.
3. If that fails, attempt to shove nose up hooman's nose.
4. If that fails, open mouth and gently press teeth against hooman's face.
5. If that fails, paw at hooman's face. Claws not recommended.
6. If that fails, climb atop hooman and make biscuits. Claws recommended.
7. If that fails... fuck it, just shove your butt right into hooman's face

 

Reminds me of how I spent half of last night listening to the saddest crying puppy noises because I wouldn't let him up in the bed because he reeked. It was funny except for the part where I'm exhausted this morning. (Bonus points: he can totally get onto the bed on his own, he just doesn't realize he can.)

 

Re: yelling at cats outside - Lupin does this! She gets so inventive with her yowling and snarling I've taken to calling it 'cursing their ancestors', because that's sure what it sounds like she's doing XDD

 

Boo tries to run outside sometimes when I come home and open the door. She's allowed outside in limited amounts and limited places, but she doesn't know exactly when those times are. She's good on the places because she gets yelled at v angrily when she pushes her boundaries. One day I was coming in and she was doing run outside face, so I did little half kicky motions to scare her off and keep her inside. (Cat is terrified of boots). Well it didn't work and she tried to run outside anyway. I was still doing kicky motions and accidentally kicked her FULL IN THE FACE. She didn't try to run outside as much after that.

 

Speaking of accidentally kicking pets: one time the cat was on my bed in the middle of the night and I needed to get up for some reason.

So when getting out of bed I moved my leg odd to not kick the cat. Except he'd moved...to exactly in the path of my foot. So I accidentally kicked the cat in the face.

He was still on my bed when I came back. He didn't seem to care.

Mum's also tripped over a chicken while trying to walk backwards, and the cat's gone in between our legs when we're trying to walk enough that he's been accidentally kicked like that several times but he still does it.