Please tell me if this thread should be moved elsewhere. I'm sorry I'm just a bit desperate for advice. There will be no TL;DR because though a bit long, the details are a bit important. I do not have any chat logs to back up what I will be describing because said room mate refuses to talk over anywhere but the steam chat function and that does not back up previous conversations. TW: IRL Dubious Consent, Sexual Assault, Rape Threats I guess the best way to start this is to say a little about myself. I am an autistic nonbinary person who lives with their autistic trans boyfriend. I work two jobs, and that is how I met my to be roommate. She is a trans woman, and when I met her she was living at a homeless shelter. I began hanging out with her semi regularly outside of work because she seemed pretty cool and laid back, if a bit high strung at times. But a couple months after meeting her she calls me in a panic because shes getting kicked out of the shelter she has been staying in. She's not originally from the area we are in, and did not have anyone else really to call. I pick her up, and it turns out that the reason she got kicked out is because she had gotten molested at the place, and once her attacker moved out of the shelter she had spoken to the staff for support. This information was passed on to the manager of the building, and he kicked her out on the premise that she signed an agreement not to have sex in the building, despite the fact it was not consensual. She moves in, I make sure she has her own room and space and I try to stress that this is until she gets back on her feet. I tell her I refuse to kick her out, especially with winter coming on. It gets cold and snowy in Mass, and I'm not going to let her be in danger. She has to move jobs, and she transfers from the store I work at (which is in a different state than the one I live, my apartment is close to the border of New Hampshire,) to one closer by that she can rider her bike to. This is where things start getting weird. I'm a very affectionate person, and since we had already gotten to know each other, I told her I was pretty cool with casual snuggling. She told me that since she had been molested throughout her life that she gets turned on pretty easily from those situations and it makes her uncomfortable. I told her that, okay that's fine. No cuddling or anything unless she instigates it. I also tell her that I'm mostly asexual at the moment, I don't really have a sex drive due to something medical that's going on with me. I'm casual about sex though, so she won't be able to make me uncomfortable. After this conversation she almost immediately starts instigating cuddling and other close physical touches. She asks to sleep in my bed with my boyfriend and I despite me giving her a mattress and room of her own. She doesn't wear pants around the house often, and starts flirting with me hardcore pretty much, saying that she's attracted to fat people ( which I am.) This culminates in her engaging in oral sex with me one night when I was half asleep, and my boyfriend was asleep. I didn't and don't really know how to feel about this. I did consent, but I also wasn't really awake. Maybe my first mistake was brushing this off? I don't know. She continues to flirt with me after this, and shows me her lingerie and stuff like that. Shortly after I told her she couldn't cuddle with me and my boyfriend in bed anymore because I had a stiff neck and it was a rather small bed for three people. That was a half truth. I kind of pack all of this away and ignore it, but this all culminates in one day when we are chatting on the steam messanger. She is talking about her past and also things she's afraid of when she mentions kind of in passing I guess that she's afraid of the possibility of her raping someone. Now at this point I'm kind of like... wait what? She continues to elaborate saying that sometimes she doesn't have control of her body, like she blacks out and it's not her. She says that she hopes that if that ever happens and she tries to rape me that I would not be afraid to punch her and attack her. I was kind of just like.... ok... sure. I'm confused and kind of worried. I text my best friend and neighbor over because I need a second opinion on what I'm reading, because it occurs to me that I may not be reacting properly to what was just told to me. I almost just entirely brushed it off until I realized that I was just told that I'm at risk being raped in my own home. My friend comes over and reads it. When my roommate hears my friend come through the side door into my room she messages me to close the window. I message back sure, and let my friend read it instead. I feel kinda shitty about that, but my friend was alarmed and brought me to her apartment, expressing that she was scared to have me alone in that house. We talk a little bit before I leave, she expressing fear, and me trying to reason this through my head. I know that sexual assault survivors tend to be afraid of becoming the person who hurt them, but this was really concerning. I go home and end up talking with my room mate, expressing worry and fear over what they told me, and telling her I wouldn't be comfortable with her in my bed anymore, or doing anything else with her. It seemed to be okay when I first told her this, but afterwords she kind of became upset and moody. We end up having four different conversations about this, and for the first three she ends up pretty much trying to convince me that she didn't say that, and that's not what she meant, and how she's just afraid of the possibility that anyone could literally do anything at any time, nothing is there to stop them. And how this possibility is what makes her scared of herself. That she wasn't really a threat to rape me. I tell her in these three conversations that while I understand that, and honestly trust her not to actually rape or hurt me, I was still not comfortable with her in my bed or room. Every time a conversation ended, I thought that maybe that time she understood and that everything would be okay again. Every time it wasn't. The last time I spoke to her about this I had to actually yell at her that she wasn't owed my body, my cuddles and my affection. I asked her what the hell she wanted from the conversation because she kept trying to explain the same t hing in a different way, like I didn't understand. But I did understand that she didn't mean what she said, that I didn't really consider her a threat, but she still said that! She can't just take it back and make it better! And no matter how many times she tries to explain it a different way, intrusive thoughts, the fear of becoming her attacker, etc, it wasn't going to fix it. That particular conversation was the last one on that topic, and I felt like maybe that was the end. It hasn't been brought back up but now I don't know if I did the right thing. She had to change jobs again due to the new store she transferred to cut back her hours due to the fact she was trans, and now shes expressing displeasure at her new job and I'm worried shes going to try and jump that one. I also told her that ideally I would like to see her out of my apartment by next year, but she's been all weird and guilt trip-y about that saying she can't find proper resources to help her int he area, and that when I kick her out next year ( which I've told her a MILLION times I'm not going to kick her out) she'll just be homeless again. I don't know what to do or feel. I know that resources in the area are thin because this is a really shitty low income area, but I know it's not impossible since my best friend and neighbor is getting by on her own, and both my boyfriend and I were kicked out of our perspective homes and made it before we moved in together. But I also work two jobs and I don't have t he time and energy to keep looking for resources for her! I am urging her to find a therapist, I know she can afford one because I don't charge her for a damn thing in this house, but she keeps putting it off and giving excuses about calling her old therapist ( who was free) and is now nervous to call the recommended therapists due to not know how the costs will work out. I keep telling her to look for trans friendly resources because we are in a college city, but she says she's already aged out of a lot of them ( which feels like a lie? we are all 22-23 in this house which is college aged.) My friend says she would have kicked her out. My boyfriend is kind of annoyed because she's high strung and passive aggressive ( which neither of us pick up well, or deal with well). I would feel guilty and horrible for kicking her our. I just don't know what to do. I need adultier adults to help me. If you want to help me look for resources in my area, I live in the Lowell Massachusettes area, in Middlesex county.