Good idea! Ill print one out when i get home! Im not too worried though because technically, by law she is a sublessee ( and one who hasnt paid a dime for rent) so i technically dont have to give her a notice i think, and even if i did, two months would more than cover it since we pay rent on a monthly basis.
Also I just wanted to say that I really appreciate everyone in this form even if you haven't responded I know it isn't like super relevant but I really appreciate everyone's support
It varies from place to place; in some places, I know, just living somewhere for long enough means you're a tenant and can't be evicted without notice. Best to be overly thorough just in case.
The Gay Goat messaged me today. I had the day off for once and she kind of cornered me in the kitchen while i was making food. She was just apologizing needlessly some more about nothing and I kind of just said ok and thanks a lot. I come in and turn on my computer and turn all my messengers on away because I'm playing a game and honestly just dont want to talk to her. She messages me the following. Gay Goat: I miss having light-hearted conversations with you. And just talking about things. Gay Goat: and it sucks that i've learned so little about you in the time i've known you, it hurts inside cause I want to know more about you. Gay Goat: I'm still hoping that, things will get better between us after i'm gone. Since it always feels like, things are getting worse. And if it's not, then i'm sorry for interpretting it that way. I don't know. Gay Goat: I probably stress you out saying things like that, especially so often. I never really know what to do, or what to say. I don't know. I'm in such a weak mental place and emotional state. We both know I have been taking so many things personally. I'm trying to fight that, i'm sorry if i'm still succumbing to it. It's really hard to tell what's me, what's real, what's not. I don't know. I'm not going to reply. Im just... I'm so tired. Since asking her to leave she just keeps apologizing and apologizing for stupid shit. Maybe I'm just finally losing my patience. I'm trying really hard to not lose the patience I normally have, I feel so mean and I've done nothing but sleep and be sick. Sorry for not a real update. I'm just so tired.
Ok so she sent me a link on her blog to something and right underneath I found this. I guess it only bothers me because I KNOW she has 5000$ now and she's still assuming shes going to be homeless despite the endless resources Ive sent her. List of other small greivances she asked if we could cuddle again even though we arent on speaking terms she keeps trying to message me when i set my status on steam as busy or away I want to literally throw myself out a window when she talks to me Sorry for the not real update, I just needed a small vent because I cant even go to my neighbors house anymore without her trying to show up and spend time with me.
That's - honestly, you've done what you can for her. You've got no obligation to continue to point her at resources if she's obviously not going to use them. Also, my shoulders are around my ears at the thought of her asking if you can cuddle her, despite all the everything. Like. No. No, that's not happening any time in the next ever. Her messaging you when your status is set to busy or away is...hhh. She's seems like she's trying to boundary-push again, to me? Or this is an extinction burst, idk. Either way, she's trying to push and see if she can get things to go back to how she liked them. (Also, eyerolling quietly at that thing from her blog. She's making it sound like she'll be on the streets without help, because that way she doesn't have to go about getting a place of her own. Or at least those are my somewhat uncharitable feels on the matter right now.)
@turtleDove ty for understanding and always giving me a kind word when i vent here ;_; I really appreciate it. I feel so alone in this situation sometimes because even though my boyfriend and neighbor have been wonderfully sympathetic, I feel like I did this to myself and every little word someone says of reassurance makes me feel better I feel like I shouldnt really be updating this thread unless it's something that I need advice on in the situation, but I dont want to make another thread somewhere relevant for complaining because it seems pointless when this ones here. And I get so angry! I hate it, but when she talks to me I feel like I'm going to vomit and I feel so mean! Like I think of all these horrible mean things I want to say or do to her, and it takes all my self control to not because that would be counterproductive. so thank you all for your patiences orz also, i dont know what an extinction burst is, but she does seem really desperate to have things go back to the way they were before. She keeps saying things like she wishes things can go back to when we were just talking about silly things and everything was cool, but honestly when she talks i start feeling agitated, even if its over something benign and unoffensive. Her laughter makes me cringe, when she tries to do a high silly voice i find myself grinding my teeth. I've always had a bit of a temper, but I always prided myself on looking at things reasonably and not lashing out, even if I'm angry. It takes so much for me to not just demand all the rent she keeps promising and not coughing up, and bash her face into the sink of dishes she keeps promising to clean and ignoring repeatidly. Like I know it's not healthy to feel so angry and violent, but I'm honestly not used to this and though I've been handling it okay-ly, her newfound attempts at trying to rekindle a friendship is hard.
also, uh, depending on area, it's possible there Are youth shelters for her age range - I just had an interview for a shelter that serves specifically 18-24 year olds. though, that's seattle area, and i can't remember if you have your location in this thread so I'm kind of wondering if the reason you're mad, too, is that her cutesy laughter bullshit is put on just because she knows you're pissed and she's being very performative about 'heyyyyyyy we're the best of friendssss riiiight' that's happened to me a fair amount, where a pattern of bullshit behavior will go on for long enough that i flip the fuck out, and then there's literally no resolution, because the other party just decides to go back to the way things were because that was less scary and they have no idea how to actually resolve a conflict without them feeling enormous amounts of resentment over the way that i justifiably reacted to their bullshit behavior. that actually sounds legit - (and i'm not a mind reader, so this is just wild conjecture) - it seems like she's resenting you for not putting up with her shit, trying to cover that up because she doesn't want to get kicked out, and way overcompensating for it Still, by april first, you never have to talk to her again and tbh, by march-ish, i'd suggest you make sure that everything she owns or might own part of is haggled out in advance. make sure you get the keys back, get everything cleared out of common areas so she doesn't have an excuse or ability to just drop in because she "forgot something", because tbh that sounds like something she could pull, especially based on her boundary issues
@kmoss, ty for letting me know that! Do you have any names of what orgs you were working with so i can see if theirs a branch out here? ( I'm in Middlesex County in MA) And my bf just showed me a convo she had with/ at him, and I think the resentment thing holds true, you have a real knack for reading a situation. I think it's mostly resentment and guilt t hough, and I guess I'm more okay with the resentment because the guilt tripping is killer. And yah. as February is coming to a close, I'll be prodding her into packing because I really want to her never bother me again ever. An Update is forthcoming lol.
The Update: Sometime within this last week and a half things kind of finally blew up between Gay Goat and I. I am going to preface this with saying that I understand and realise that I didnt act rationally and even kind of harshly or mean...ly. I'm not defending that because my snapping at her wasnt called for, and I did apologize. She came into my room when my boyfriend and gone to the bathroom ( or something) and asked if we could talk. I said sure, whatevs. I'm cuddled up in bed facing away from my door because I've been watching something with my boyfriend on his computer and playing on my phone. I play on my phone for most of this conversation until I get really mad, trying to not get.... really mad. She then asks if I still want to be friends. Like wow, nice question that you arent gonna like the answer too. I try to avoid answering. I say several times that I don't know and she keeps pushing for more of an explanation. I end up getting annoyed and snapping here, effectively saying hey, you really wanna know? No. She asks why, looking really hurt. This makes me mad because hey, dont ask a question if you are only looking for the answer you want. I kind of lay into her then and, besides saying that she's selfish and ungrateful, she's annoying. I know that was uncalled for, but it was how I felt and I felt annoyed and mean enough to say it. It was on e of the things that I apologized for. She pauses and asks if this is about the money thing. I say yes of fucking course that is something to do with it, but she also doesnt take care of herself and that she has taken advantage of me and my bf, and I just can't trust her. I do not recall everything that was said, I do know at some point she mentioned how I never bothered to hang out with her once she moved in, and I cited again that I have two jobs and like to spend my free time resting with my bf. She brought up that I made time for my neighbor and I asked if she had considered that I had known her longer and kind of considered her family and she said she did but I had never made time to hang out with her. ( only a sort of truth.) She ends up leaving after some sort of tense end to that convo, only to come back later to apologize (yeesh.) She said the only reason she had never told me about how much money s he has is that people always ask/assume like why cant she move out and find her own place, and it's hard to get a place without a job. ( yeesh x2) I told her yah, no I get why, but she should have been honest upfront, and I do not trust her still. She said she wants to be friends again and I said maybe, maybe after she moves out. I don't really mean it. I apologize for snapping at her and being unnecessarily mean in this convo, she tries to say she deserves it. I say she didn't, but I honestly I'm done with her pity party. So get this, she messages my bf on steam sometime after that. What follows is the transcript. Spoiler Gay Goat: i'm not accusing you, i'm just wondering. Do you guys think i'm not looking? Boyfriend: nah [neighbor] found that and asked me to pass it on Gay Goat: I see, thank you by the way. I appreciate it. Boyfriend: no worries Gay Goat: i've been doing terrible lately. Gay Goat: I mean, i've been doing terrible for months Gay Goat: but still I don't know. I guess i'm partially saying that cause [nbkid] words about how i'm closed and never communicate really annoyed them bounces around in my head a lot Gay Goat: though in truth i'm in constant thought about so much stuff over this past month and a half. Gay Goat: I don't know, it doesn't really matter that i'm saying this, it means nothing now. Gay Goat: I guess. I don't know. Gay Goat: i'm very self-destructive and I also tend to destroy pretty much all of my relationships. Gay Goat: so often times i'll say I don't care, but I really actually do inside. Gay Goat: sorry i'm just suddenly saying this to you. I guess since [nbkid] told me they don't want to be my friend anymore I just feel as if I have no right to talk to them or I should just distance myself and leave them alone always now. Gay Goat: not that it really was different before in that sense, I guess I won't be coming in the room for serious talks though. I have a hard time showing that I care cause inside i'm filled with so much hatered and bitterness and anger and sadness towards everything. Gay Goat: I have been trying to fight all of that since I saw how much it was hurting [nbkid], and that really bothered me. I really don't like hurting people. I may act as if I do. But inside it really hurts. I'll commit to my remorse and never forgive myself for it because I constantly think of all the ways I could've affected that person and how I hurt them and how many ways I hurt them. Gay Goat: i'm sorry i'm just, dumping this on you, I understand if you don't care or it's uncomfortable to you. I just. Did care. Despite how much I hate myself and take my anger out on other though they don't deserve it. Yeah. I'll stop now. Boyfriend: aight Gay Goat: after 5 years of solace and loneliness i've become very self-centered because i'm all I had. I've lived a terribly lonely life, but the past 5 years really have just been me. Gay Goat: I don't know how to communicate really anymore, i'm very self-centered and i've been like, my anger and hate and bitterness has grown so much over these 5 years of awful depression and pain. I just, am so wrong about how i'm treating others. And my lack of desire to take care of myself. Gay Goat: I guess I just fear that [nbkid] will actually think that I truly don't care. That I don't care at all about the well-being of others. There's so much internally i've been fighting inside constantly. I've felt so dead inside for so long and I still do, but I just. Am trying. There's so much crap every day I have to filter and fight and struggle and work against inside my mind. Gay Goat: sorry I thought i'd stop, it's just that it hurts. I deserve what happened to me, it still hurts though what happened that night. Boyfriend: you know you didnt deserve it Gay Goat: I don't know. And I do mean that, where i've been in my mind I feel so incredibly lost and confused about everything. Ultimately the things i've done hurt me because you guys brought me in to take care of myself and I was focused on living comfortably and not caring about who I was hurting and I wasn't taking care of myself. I kept trying to blame [nbkid] for so much and it was so wrong and it wasn't them it was me but I was just so angry at myself and my past and where I currently am in life I wanted something to blame like they're the fault. Gay Goat: and it's just like, I just keep talking about that with my friend on that note. You took me in to get back on my feet and I took advantage of that generousity and I hurt at least [nbkid] in the process, i'm disgusted with myself. Gay Goat: at least i'm trying to feel disgusted constantly because I should be. I feel so, uncaring and hateful towards everyone. As if people deserve these things, and that I deserve the best. I've terribly dellusioned myself over these past 5 years. I honestly didn't mean to, it's why i'm changing, because [nbkid] critized my actions and what i've been doing. They're the first person in 5 years to make me actually look at myself. It's why I didn't fight, it's why I wasn't really arguing against it. Inside I do truly care, I don't want to be this way Gay Goat: I don't want to hurt people, I want to heal and help others, that's the person I was before these past 5 years. Gay Goat: Inside I feel so dead and lost, I just. I am trying, there's so much I have to work on and I just, want [nbkid] to actually know that I do care. It's why i'm working on changing. That's at least the person I was before all of this in that sense. I don't like, being shitty, or hurting people, or anything. I care about how my actions effect others. I care about the people who walk into my life. I've just let my loneliness consume me. Boyfriend: it happens, you just have to always work at being better Gay Goat: I just refuse to let myself blame [nbkid] for any of this, I at least don't really see what they have done wrong. Gay Goat: It's my fault for not working with [nbkid], for not communicating with [nbkid]. They gave me the information that I can spend time with you guys in your room but I never took it. To communicate how i'm feeling so [nbkid] doesn't struggle with anxiety with what's going on with me. Even simple things like don't just ambush them when they're going to the bathroom/work/fridge. Gay Goat: and even now I still do that. I have so much to be disappointed in myself for this. I just, don't see what [nbkid] has done wrong person Gay Goat: *personally, despite how much my brain tries to blame and get angry at [nbkid] for so many things. Gay Goat: not that it's justified, those are the things I fight pretty much every day, my brain wants to blame someone, to get angry at others, It's because i'm sad and my pain turned to anger. And it's because there's a lot wrong with myself that i've been refusing to work on, making excuses and the like. Gay Goat: also I know it may seem almost petty in some way, but I know [nbkid] gets mad a lot at me for saying sorry. Gay Goat: I often feel like I have so much to be sorry for in the sense of myself. And who i've let myself become Gay Goat: I know it's partially because I feel like my existence is an inconvience and in that regard it goes hand in hand with how I hate inconviencing people because I care and want the best for them and for things to go easily. Gay Goat: but it's also this like, self-awareness I have where I know there's so much crappy stuff about me and i've done little to nothing to fix it/change it. Gay Goat: so I become like, sorry. For that. For not doing it. I don't know. Gay Goat: like, what I mean is I know my unwillingness to change hurts/affects others Gay Goat: and like, I say sorry for that because i'm not being just. I'm hurting others by not changing myself. Gay Goat: it's a lot, i'm just. I've got a lot to work on and everything i've done I really am holding inside. Boyfriend: https://68.media.tumblr.com/1cdeb8b5df8731f4e588c382def4bb05/tumblr_o2np7u8mY81tqg1b5o1_500.gif Gay Goat: I tend to have a lot to say when I talk about things inside me. I'm very connected and aware of things going on inside me. So like sorry for all the words. Gay Goat: also +1 to your gif useage. Boyfriend: yeah it was harder to find than i thought itd be Boyfriend: i forgot the name of the movie Gay Goat: I see xD Gay Goat: the name of the movie is robots, it's by dreamworks. I say the dreamworks part because I imagine it'd be hard to narrow it down with just robots. Um, by the way do you like that movie? Boyfriend: no thats meet the robinsons Boyfriend: robots is different Boyfriend: v different Gay Goat: (uh, what I meant by the dreamworks bit is so you can use it for future reference.) Gay Goat: ooooooh. I haven't watched robots in a long time and the robot seemed pretty smiliar in design to the robots of... robots. Gay Goat: XD Boyfriend: yeah i think theyre both dreamworks Boyfriend: meet the robinsons is really good though Gay Goat: I only watched that movie once, I think I liked it. Gay Goat: at least i'll never forget the dinosaur at any rate. Boyfriend: true Gay Goat: oh, is walmart hiring again yet? Then, yesterday, she texted my boyfriend the following. Spoiler Gay Goat: [bf] if I wanted to bring up wthe conversation we had up with [nbkid]. How should I go about it? If not to just wait until I'm gone from the household to begin with Gay Goat: If I was to be asked about what i'm doing I just know I still care about the relationship and I'm remorseful as to what I've done. I could have tried harder. Bf: idk bro That one just bothered me because like, I really just asked her for space. idk I'm so annoyed. I'm so bothered. Idk, this is just an update I guess. Nothing to really fix at this point.
I was hoping i wouldnt have to update this thread till april 1st with the triumphant news of her being gone. Alas, apparently i cant go more than 2 to 3 weeks with out her being weird amd manipulative. I woke up this morning after a long day yesterday having to deal with putting down my dear pet and burying him to a text from my neighbor saying we need to talk. She asks when im free and tell her im supposed to be getting up to get ready for work within ten minutes and wont be home until after ten. She asks if she can call and i say sure. So she tells me the gay goats been weird af. Gay goat has gotten a job at the wally world that both my neighbor and my bf work at, so shes been going up to and talking to my neighbor during work and on break. They apparently talk about a lot of things, but the most important being that wr never gave her a link to housing she had given us for her. Which is a bold faced lie and she knew it. And then, yesterday while we were at ny fathers place an hour and a half away, she went to my neighbors wanting to talk. Unknown to gay goat, my neighbor stayed at work late because shes head of a high value depart. Neighbors bf opens the door when she knocks and she makes a disgusted noise. He tells her shell be back in an hour, at 730, and to come over then. Within a half hour shes back over lnocking and asking if she can come in. Now bf technically doesnt live there, and he tells her that hes uncomfortable letting her in when its not his place and reiterates that shell be back in a half hour now. Gay goat says ok, ill wait for her out here. And waits in front of her apartment door, for a half hour, for my neighbor to return. Its friggin creepy. My neighbors sister had picked her up and wanted to hang, but gay goat kinda takes that over, and eventually when she leaves she wants to talk more. My neighbors annoyed bc shes been badmouthing me this to her at work and now wont let her be and in her words " what the hell else does she need to talk tp het about." She kicks her out so she can go to bed, and i get the call the mext morning. Ive sent my neighbor proof that, in fact, we did semd her the link. In fact part of the proof is the beginning of one of the convos i posted last time. Ill also post relevant proof here. Im tired and have been dealing with suicidal ideation on amd off after losing my pet, and im just so sick of her.
I ducked out of kintsugi for a bit and must have missed this ok! the place I was talking to was Friends of Youth, which seems to be a primarily seattle zone but lemme do some research to find analogous locales for you
http://www.shelterlistings.org/details/38637/ this in cambridge there seem like a fair amount of shelters in MA, but very few that are specifically young adult, but i'll keep looking!
You dont have to worry too much, at this point shes not taken advantage od any of the resources ive given her and you jist cant help a person like that I do appreciate your help tho
You haven't updated for a while, so I'm hoping that means you're just busy celebrating her departure.
3 months late but heres a small update to commemorate having my apartment to myself. So when i made the contract for her to be out by april first we had put in stipulation: if she was not out by the first she would owe us the next months rent, along with the three months backrent she owed us. Now we were honestly pissed for obviously a lot of reasons, but one of them was that we were honestly oit a lot of money for all this trouble. So the thought was hey, all that together would be like 1200 dollars and she wouldnt wanna pay that. Shell be out, or hey if shes not we wont be out anything. And lo and behold she actually forked up the 1200 dollars. We then immediately drew up another contract for her to be out by may 1st. Well lucky for us we actually were oit of state at the end of april for a wedding and when we got back we had an empty apartment! She was gone, long gone! Now in my birds live in my living room, and we have a new rommate, a tiny lil rat named blizzard. :) Now, why did i remember this thread and decide to update it? Well i heard some news recently about gay goat. If u all remember she was hired at the wallmart my bf works at. Well, recently she was fired. Why? Theft. What did she steal u ask? She was taking the change people left at the self checkouts. All the managers warned her to stop, everyone told her to stop really. But no, she got fired over pocket change. And that ends that part of my life. When i get home ill post up pictures of my birds and rats as a thank you for all the support u all gave me. Thank you, and i love u all <3
