sad fish sounds

Discussion in 'Brainbent' started by a small fis)(, Jul 24, 2016.

  1. a small fis)(

    a small fis)( 26 people in a trench coat

    sighs a lot

    probably don't even deserve to have somewhere to keep whining about things i ruined myself but wow i feel so awful lately

    i feel like all i ever do is ruin my own opportunities and hurt people

    i'm not going to get anything out of real life, i'm stuck here doing nothing until i die with no point in it because i'm too physically ill to even go out regularly. all i am is a burdern to people who try to help.

    stuff like tumblr used to be an escape for a while, somewhere i could help people and feel like i was genuinely doing something good and worthwhile. until DID decided to fuck that up for me because i'm too weak to even see something upsetting without dissociating and an alter hurting people. i worsened that myself by handling it badly because i was terrified to even talk to the people charm hurt. people there probably hate me now and i deserve it, all i've done is hurt people anyway.

    then somebody decides to literally steal my name and interests and entire way of talking, and when i try to ask them to stop i get yelled at and called slurs by a friend of theirs i'd never even met. said friend is still sending me hare trying to spread shit about me saying i'm an awful person and there's nothing i can do.

    i just want to be a good person and not hurt people anymore. it feels like hyrting people is all i'm alive to do. idk why i'm still here. i'm probably just manipulative even typing this.
  2. Morven

    Morven In darkness be the sound and light

    You're already ahead of a bunch of people by actually wanting to not hurt.
    • Like x 2
  3. Elph

    Elph capuchin hacker fucker

    You are more than your struggles and more than your mistakes. You're not deadweight, you're not a bad person, and it's really fucking difficult but you can keep going and make something meaningful of your life. I don't know you, but I care about you and I believe in you.
    • Like x 2
  4. cyborgism

    cyborgism they/them

    • Like x 1
  5. a small fis)(

    a small fis)( 26 people in a trench coat

    thankyou everyone oh gosh... i've just been feeling so lost lately and idk what i'm meant to do;; :c
    • Like x 1
  6. TheMockingCrows

    TheMockingCrows Resident Bisexual Lich

    Have a video of cuttlefish hatching :D Peaceful music, and it shows them doing their first color change and swim!

    • Like x 3
  7. a small fis)(

    a small fis)( 26 people in a trench coat

    ohh my gosh they are!!!!! tiny colourful babies thankyou so so much! <3 ;;u;;
    • Like x 1
  8. palindromordnilap

    palindromordnilap Well-Known Member

    more like cuddlefish amirite
    • Like x 2
  9. a small fis)(

    a small fis)( 26 people in a trench coat

    • Like x 2
  10. a small fis)(

    a small fis)( 26 people in a trench coat

    ye lling i
    rly miss tumblr a lot and wanna go back lately bc it was the main thing that made me happy but
    idk if thats gonna be healthy for me or anyone shellse
    theres probubbly people there that hate me now and im scared a lot,,,,
    idk what to do
  11. peripheral

    peripheral Stacy's Dad Is Also Pretty Rad

    //hugs if wanted

    considering how badly you ended up melting down, i think if you go back you should stick strictly to one part of it, blacklist sj type stuff, idk.

    I don't really tumblr anymore.
    • Like x 1
  12. a small fis)(

    a small fis)( 26 people in a trench coat

    yeah ;;;
    i think i maybe could go back if i blacklisted anyfin stressful but idk how good it'd be for me,,, i reely miss having lots of followers and friends there and feeling like i could help people but i'm just scared to go back now...
  13. peripheral

    peripheral Stacy's Dad Is Also Pretty Rad

    your mental health is priority, and also trying to mitigate situation where you could get hurt or accidentally hurt others.

    see, why i never go on "ughsocialjustice" anymore.

    (the unironic usage of "sjw takeover" as a tag)
    • Like x 1
  14. a small fis)(

    a small fis)( 26 people in a trench coat

    ughh oh gosh yeah ;;;;
    that's exactly what it is reely, i miss what i had there but i'm scared of hurting myself or someone shellse because it can be such a stressful place... i just feel like i have nofin to do over the summer and i miss talking to people there so much but im scared people hate me! :c
  15. TheMockingCrows

    TheMockingCrows Resident Bisexual Lich

    8Ic Hm.. I've seen someone do the two blog thing. One blog that's their happy place, where they only keep things that make them happy on the blog and on their dash and have a strict policy on themselves to keep it positive and keep things separated. Heavier topics or directly dealing with people where things could get heavy is the separate blog, that they go on when they're more stable. They've got ponify for rewording things they want to deal with but just can't handle the words themselves sometimes. They've still got a sturdy blacklist, block, and savior thing in place. But it gives them that bit of comfort like.. Of enjoying the good parts without poking the bear with the stick too much. It's your social media experience, you're allowed to curate it to suit your wishes however you please.

    It also lets you have anonymity if you want, if they're totally separate accounts. Enjoying things care free on one and kind of gently poking your head in on the other with a This Is Me instead, if you feel up to it at any given time.
    • Like x 2
  16. a small fis)(

    a small fis)( 26 people in a trench coat

    mmm yeah! i'm mostly just scared of somefin similar to the incident with charm harpooning again and idk if i'm reely welcome there after what happened;;; i'm super scared of being hated
  17. TheMockingCrows

    TheMockingCrows Resident Bisexual Lich

    Mmm.. Yeah that is a problem.. 8Ic I don't know the entire situation or the things that may potentially make your situation worse/upset you so I'm not sure what all the offer safely. I don't know how to fix any of the done damage personally, but preventing future things: if you know the types of things that may set Charm off and get them active and block them/remove that risk, is there a fallback method you could use as a safe guard? Like a message you could leave somewhere that they could see if they became active, with instructions that potentially they'd listen to or take notice of until they'd stop being active?
  18. a small fis)(

    a small fis)( 26 people in a trench coat

    i've apologized to the people charm hurt personally but i'm still just scared of it oh gosh;;
    and as for a fallback maybe? i don't rly have much experience talking to them bc the thing is they don't front unless i'm geniunely reely distressed and i'm not super familiar with any way to get them to stop... the best option i'd have right now is just to make shore i had anyfin that scares me blacklisted just in case ;;
  19. TheMockingCrows

    TheMockingCrows Resident Bisexual Lich

    :Nodnod: That sounds like the safest route if you wanted to go back, even just for carefree fun times. it would probably be mostly prudent to avoid the folks that got caught in the crossfire, just in case, to avoid stress all around. Avoid stressy memories, yeah? Clear slate. Yesterday is yesterday, apologies were made and cleanup was done to best you could do, which is all I can imagine anyone would really want. It was a situation beyond your control, and you made the best of it that you could afterward. ono

    And... hm. >:Ic That might be something to consider, even if it's not guaranteed to help? I mean, realistically I'd be curious as shit to find something addressed to me somewhere. If they come forward when you're extremely distressed, the intensity outward might be that direct parallel. Leaving something like hopeful instructions when you're in a calmer state of mind might, potentially at least, direct that intensity elsewhere into a more safe direction. Again, idk for sure!

    But any of the preventative stuff is 100% a good idea on any site you go to, for sure! :O Being happy and feeling safe by your own terms is Most Important Thing. ..It's like putting the oxygen mask on yourself before putting it on someone else. Can't help others, even if you want to, if you're not safe and secure yourself first.
    • Like x 2
  20. gills

    gills dead

    @a small fis)( i don't rlly have anything in the way of practical advice i'm afraid but i offer hugs and hope that u find a good way to work everything out!!
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice