Yeah... I'm glad that you had a thing that helped you be happy. I'm confident that you will have more happiness in the future too. For now it's okay to be sad, and it's okay to miss the thing that you liked. I don't like the fact that you feel bad about yourself, but it's okay to express that feeling too. When you've had enough time to process and express all the feelings you need to, I'm confident you will be more able to enjoy the next thing you do that helps people and creates opportunities for happiness.
do do you think i should go back there or just try to move on now oh gosh i miss it so much it's so scary
I'm in favor of waiting and processing the emotional repercussions. Think about the fact that going back won't be the same as before no matter what, and if that feels sad, you can go ahead and feel the sad. But also think about how being glad different could still be good. See if how that idea sits. Maybe if that feels hopeful or exciting, maybe that will be good sign. But there's no need to rush.
<3 thankyou ;; i'm probably going to leave it at least another week or two anywave i'm scared of people hating me if i do go back though...
That sounds like a good plan. Maybe while it would be good to think about: what happens if there are people who hate you? Do you think there's anything you would need to do to keep yourself safe? Because I'm sure there will be people who will be glad to see you back, and there will be new people who will give you a fair chance, but yes, there might be some folks who have some bad feelings. It's probably safe to assume that somebody will. So do you think you would need to do anything about that? Or do you think you would be able to accept it as a sad fact and still do what you are trying to do? It might be worth giving that some thought for a few days. And as was pointed out, there's people here who like you and people here you can help, if you're not feeling ready for tumblr yet.
went out shopping with a friend today and had a lot of fun oh gosh but there's still alwaves my brain in the background telling me there's no point to this and that i've lost everything and i'm an awful person it's just so hard to distract myself lately
fdsjfhs ive ruined everything so badly wish i could just like quietly stop existing theres not much point anymore
There's a lot of points, but your brain's not wanting you to see them and enjoy them, because otherwise it wouldn't get to have its way and keep you sad. You're a bright, sweet person with a lot of heavy hits against you that you've continued to weather like a champ. And the fact you're still here, and still defiantly having a good time when you can, and still trying, says a -lot- about how strong you are. You're amazing for keeping it up. It's okay to pause, to rest before moving forward. It's okay to even slide back a bit. Just so long as you keep going eventually: that's the important thing.
<3 thankyou oh gosh... this means a lot and i reely hope i can ;; i just feel like i'm /not/ a nice person at all, like i'm toxic beneath everything and the reason my brain's making me unhappy is because i deserve it... idk. i'm scared to keep going even if i want to try because i'll just hurt more people if i do.
Everyone's got some toxic shit in them, it's part of being human. Hell, -I've- got a hell of a toxic part of me. But that's just it. The fact you've worked at keeping it down and in check, and going out of your way to help others? Actively toxic people don't do that, or they do it while demanding something out of it. From all I've seen, you've been doing it because you wanted to, not because you're holding your other hand out demanding Good Person cookies. Being actively toxic is not something I'm picking up from you. I'm picking up a genuinely good person struggling with their brain, and the brain is particularly shouty. ono You don't deserve to feel sad and hopeless. Mental illness is just a big dick, and the best way it can keep control on ya is to make you believe you deserve bad things and deserve to feel bad. I don't know you well yet. But with how cautious I normally am around people, I'd have felt panic alarms and crab walked away from you -really- fast if I had a feeling you were actually bad or risky. I haven't felt anything except wanting to offer you hugs if they were wanted, and wanting to show you cute fish things I find, for what it's worth.
Yeah, the fact that you primarily want to seek out people to help, rather than crusade against *bad people* says a lot about who you are. The fact that you came out of nowhere and offered me comfort when my brain was doing its thing says a lot. I do think know you very well yet either, but you sure make a good first impression. And the fact you have an unhealthy side, a dark side that is capable of hurting people when you are feeling hurt, we're all wearing that hat.
i feel so isolated lately idk i guess i have a few friends but i'm never anyone's best friend, i'm never actually important to anyone and i probably shouldn't be. i'd just be toxic to anyone i got close to, i /do/ hurt anyone who gets close to me. i don't mean anything and i can never genuinely connect with anyone anyway. everything feels pointless and ifeel so trapped.
i'm not a real person i'm on the outside watching everyone else and i'll just hurt them if i try to get in
Poor sad fish, hugs if you want and also sitting quietly watching the tide roll in together Back in the day we'd express hugs online with special brackets like {{fef}} and I think it looks pretty so if I do that consider it an offer of hugs {{fishy}} just like that
I would totally turn into an octopus to give you an eight-armed superhug if it would give you a little extra feelgood.
bluuuuuh 5 am is a good time to realize how alone you are and how many friends youve probably lost huh
