I think the making uncomfortable rule is more for people trespassing boundaries less broad sweeping than "don't talk negatively about this character". I'd be concerned to talk about Fef at all for fear of something being interpreted as negative and causing problems towards you because it's such a sweeping thing. I'm not seeing where you're getting the "make your own decision but you have to make mine" bc they gave their own opinion and then said the choice was still yours. That felt open ended in my reading. I'm not wordsing well at all probably. I'm sorry you're uncomfortable, not sure what to do about that bc I'm not getting the same feeling from the words at all. So.. I guess at least there's a chance it wasn't intentional on their part if I'm not seeing a problem either? sorry, I don't think I'm not being much help, best of luck though dude I hope others weigh in as needed.
idk about manipulative, but the way the other person is talking is making me uncomfortable because it reminds me of how my father would make requests that were actually orders. like, it would be couched in terms like "if you're not busy" or "if you have time" that made it seem like it was optional, but then i would get into trouble if i didn't do the thing. the thing is, he was talking like that not to be manipulative or to represent things inaccurately on purpose, but because he was raised to feel like direct orders and straightforward requests were impolite. so he was actually trying to be considerate when he talked like that. so, not knowing the other person or much about the situation, i think it's possible that they're trying to avoid being rude by laying down the law too firmly, and it's coming out in ways that ping other people as manipulative. i do feel like it's a bit odd for them to expect you to change your behavior to accomodate other people in the group, and then be like "are you sure you want to be here" when you say you might ask other people to change their behavior to accomodate you, but. i guess, their group, their rules? tl;dr i don't think they're being unreasonable but the way they talk makes me pretty uncomfortable, too.
yeah... i agree w u there!! the way they talk reminded me of someone bad in my past too so yeah that kinda freaked me out!! idk what to do tbh,,, i'm just reely confused that they have a different rule for me as opposed to everyone else with ptsd triggers vs /fish puns/...
like, it's just making me feel really disrespected and uncomfortable that something i do that could potentially make someone uncomfy is Absolutely Banned, whereas something that'd actually give me a panic attack it's offensive for me to ask not to be done? idk
Okay, I think I might see the distinction that's being made here, and it has to do with the purpose of the chat vs the logistics of the chat. Both of the things they have asked of you (less kin stuff, & to be aware that the thing that bothers you may come up) both have to do with letting the chat maintain its purpose. If it's purpose is to be a HS chat, I would assume part of that purpose is to be able to talk about homestuck characters. I don't know the degree of issue you have with negative talk about Feferi, but if it's to the point that a balanced discussion can't be had, that interferes with the purpose of the chat. From their perspective, it seems like they think the fish punning would interfere with the logistics of the chat. Meaning, it doesn't have directly to do with the chat, and could potentially interfere with the chat. I don't know if either of those things are fair in practice, since I don't know the community or your own issues with stuff, but I am seeing an internally consistent logic.
i just think theres a big difference in effect there? like, i've no idea how fish puns interfere with anything, and it's really pretty rude to say i can't have my own boundaries right after... idk. i'm still mad abt the creepy wording in the last message whether it was intentional or not. ;;
I was getting a concerned but awkward with authority tone (*flashbacks to trying to run threads on Gaia*), so I think the differences in how we're reading tone may be affecting our interpretations. Before they brought it up to you, did you anticipate there being possible problems wrt Feferi? Because if they're being overly cautious about fish puns, they may also be overly cautious about your triggers as well.
not rly? it's just an art server so i didn't really expect any Discourse to happen there, but they read my about and came up with that themselves;; and yeah, i might b interpreting kinda weirdly bc trauma lmao,,
It's the kin/fish pun stuff "in there face" that's the weird part for me. Like the Feferi part reads to me more as "this thing you've listed as a trigger will likely happen at some point, are you ok being here?" I'm definitely sensing that this person has little to no experience running big group chats Can I get some more information on this chat for context? Like, how did it form, what's the purpose, what kind of people are in it, how big is it, who's running it ect? Are they having this sort of conversation with everyone who joins?
Ah, okay. Between what you've told me and reading through it a couple of times, I think this person is being overly cautious to the point of accidentally causing problems with it... I do think it's a little weird & unnecessary to both want to limit fish puns and also be this worried any slight negativity about Feferi would trigger you. I might also be interpreting it weirdly, too! I am usually pretty good at brushing off negative things, which means I don't have to watch out for them as much, you know? So, maybe between us we can come up with something accurate. XD And I agree with @Mala wrt the inexperienced sounding part.
yeah i agree there!! i'm not so much mad at either thing on its own as i am @ the double standard tbh... it's a group chat for hs artists is all, so i didnt rly expect any sorta discourse to be a thing/anyfin other than a small inconvenience to ask not to be brought up? i know nothing abt how everyone else is bein treated than that they vagued me to @furrylatula lol;;
This sounds plausible. They're vaguing to other members already? oh this is gonna be fun... (by fun i mean possibly full of drama due to poor management)
I don't really understand how fish puns could bother people, I find your fish puns endlessly uplifting. I can't understand how non-kin art folks might find a heavy dose of kin stuff a little distracting and uncomfortable, though I would think that in the modern fandom anybody would have to be used to seeing a little of it. But fish puns = smile time! Also, my reading of the "you're free to make your own decision" thing was less creepy intent, more lacking experience moderating large chats, but I agree the wording was a little :/ and could indicate some weird attitudes lurking behind the scenes; or could just coincidentally resemble the kind of manipulation your have unfortunately had to deal with before.
