Its my moms birthday on friday so I cant go anywhere but christ i dont wanna be near my family rn they are annoying as fuck
Your worldbuilding sounds so interesting! Is that a story that you're publishing somewhere or is it still in the works?
Thank you! Like I said it is all empty worldbuilding I will never do anything with. It all comes from a vague kernel I've hard for a while of a place where adventurers are mostly the very young and very old because its a job nobody else wants to do, and almost everyone there is a misfit or queer or doesn't fit in, and it is basically a roadtrip with lots of death, and also wood elves are super rural kinda hicks with shotguns
I kinda wanna go on my main and ask if anyone actually likes me but I also know that the simple act of doing that will make even more people dislike me
I just made my only friend feel like shit bc i started crying over how much of a picky fucking eater I am I am the lteral worst why would anyone want to be around me when i just make things shitty for everyone else
Spoiler: I feel like the worst Spoiler: Im ungrateful and terrible i love love live both of my online games, the one I play in and the one I run, but i kinda with i had mire chance to rp as a player. Bc of the nature of the online game im in everybody takes turns, and i am a fucking baby who prolly pisses everyone else off w how much i wanna go. Running is rlly fun (tho i think im kind of a terrible dm) but it doesnt scratch the same itch. The irl group is.... our dm tends to frame things more around "what is the best/most efficent/most rational choice, i guess. I always end up feeling like an idiot bc i am an idiot who is terrible at problem solving and i am stupid and a fuck. The person in irl group who has a similar role playing style doesn't like dming, and the only other person who has a game they dm is basically just "chaos wizard rocket tag- the game" and im too dumb for that game too. (I am prolly too dumb for every game). I guess i should just find an online game but im scared and it was already hard for me to join the game im in where even if nobody knew me i kinda had a feeling of the other people but just joining something eith people i dont know is ahhhhhh
Fuck now i am thinking about how mych of a fucking idiot i am Fuck fuck fuck why cant i do a single fucking thing right!
Is there like. A button i can press, and stop being a terrible person and a terrible friend? A button that makes me good at starting conversations and destroys my anxiety and gives me words to comfort people?
Spoiler other, decent human beings: the amount of people reading my vent thread makes me uncomfortable Me, a black hole: can we trade Spoiler like ok i know what they mean bc whenever anyone does respond to this thread i freak out bc how do i respond to people????? How do I talk????? What do they mean?????? But i am such a fucking drama whore i want people to pay attention to me bc i am a fucking black hole
God i just. I dont even have energy or motivation to like. Come up with ocs anymore. Even something as fuckingn simple as that. I just sit around and feel like shit i fucking wish i would stop
fuck im selfish and stupid and terrible why am i such a fucking shit i should die i only care about myself and my feelings im terrible. nobody deserves to be around me fuck
Mood lately: realizing that if I wanna be a history major I'm going to need to learn a language and I am fucking terrible at learning languages. I have taken 5 years of spanish and all I ever managed was, "If I sit here for two hours I can decode this one half page of sentences, unless it is in any tense. Just any tense." Like fuck I'm a fucking idiot. I can't change my major because like. I'm not good at anything. I'm not analytic enough for an English major, math is right out and because math is right out science is right out. I'm a giant fucking idiot and like. I just can't do anything, not intellectually, not physically, not socially.
fuckkkk I can't appeal for the term I need to appeal for! I could have done it for this term but we didn't have 250 to spend out of hand on classes, I can do it for summer but summer won't have the like TWO CLASSES I need to take, and fall 2017 isn't an option on the form. I have no idea what to do and fucking bureaucracy and ughhh i'm an idiot
Spoiler: the dumbest shit If I wrote a fic where Nepeta and Equius pale broke up how mad would people get
So like....I can just do what I want in homestuck fic now right? I can disregard the fuck out of canon?
