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"safe space" wordsmithing

Discussion in 'That's So Meta!' started by seebs, Apr 20, 2017.

  1. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    From another thread:

    This is a really good point, and I want to work on improving this wording. Floor's open.
     
  2. rigorist

    rigorist On the beach

    I think you can just strike the phrase and reshape the rest to fit. It really doesn't add much meaning as far as I can tell.
     
  3. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    Hmm, that might be the simplest thing. The reason it was there originally was to state that there was no guarantee of a right not to be offended, and there still isn't, but I think changes elsewhere have changed how the phrase is understoood.

    Current paragraph:
    There will be slip-ups along the way, because we are human. This means that the forum is not a safe space; it’s a space where people will not be banned from participating if they make mistakes. Mistakes will not result in punitive action. There is no punitive action.​

    Possible wording:
    There will be slip-ups along the way, because we are human. There will be people who say hurtful things. Maybe they're too angry not to. Maybe they're uninformed or insensitive. But they aren't going to get banned from participating. Mistakes will not result in punitive action. There is no punitive action.​

    ?
     
  4. rigorist

    rigorist On the beach

    I think it needs some reassurance for the reader, so maybe something like:

    There will be slip-ups along the way, because we are human. There will be people who say hurtful things. Maybe they're too angry not to. Maybe they're uninformed or insensitive. But they aren't going to get banned from participating and neither are you. Mistakes will not result in punitive action. There is no punitive action.
     
    • Agree x 5
    • Like x 3
  5. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    ooh, i like.
     
    • Like x 1
  6. rigorist

    rigorist On the beach

    There will be slip-ups along the way because we are human. There will be people who say hurtful things. Maybe they're too angry not to. Maybe they're uninformed or insensitive. But they won't get banned from participating and neither will you. Mistakes will not result in punitive actions. There are no punitive action.​

    Cleaned up the verb tense a little and made "action" into a plural
     
    • Like x 1
  7. blue

    blue hightown funk you up

    i think you want "actions" here again?
     
    • Agree x 2
  8. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    I was thinking of action as basically a mass noun. Punitive action, collective action, etcetera. But the verb tense thing is good.

    I'm not sure why that distinction matters to me, but it feels better as "there is no punitive action" rather than "there are no punitive actions". The latter sounds like a fact claim inclined to have exceptions, the former feels more like a categorical rejection.
     
    • Agree x 1
  9. IvyLB

    IvyLB Hardcore Vigilante Gay Chicken Facilitator

    the last action needs to be actions too, btw
    (eta: dang I should really remember to refresh the tab with threads open if I wander off to eat dinner inbetween)
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2017
  10. rigorist

    rigorist On the beach

    Missed one. Good catch.
     
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