Scared about seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow

Not sure if this goes here or in General Advice. I chose here because the description is 'group hug', which is what I'm looking for, rather than advice? But advice is good too. Feel free to move this to Advice instead.

Tomorrow I get to see the asshole who's been screwing me over for two months. I'm supposed to try to sort all this shit out, like his wildly inaccurate clinic letter and his insistence that I have Borderline Personality Disorder rather than autism (his 'evidence' being a giant list of sexist stereotypes about both conditions). I'm bringing a friend to advocate for me; he's a medical student, not to mention a tall white cis man, which under the circumstances can't hurt. He's busy with post-exam celebrations today, so we didn't have time to meet up to prepare for the appointment; he said to write him a list/document of important Things To Know so he can review it tonight. I have done that and sent it to him, but I'm still really nervous.

I still can't decide what kind of approach to take. I want to go in strong, and just say a. your behaviour is unacceptable (long story), b. your notes on me are full of glaring factual errors, c. please do the things you originally said you would do and stop this nonsense, and d. please stop being my psychiatrist; I want to see somebody else. (And then file an official complaint.) But my brother and mother are worried that it'll just piss him off, and think I should take the 'sneak attack' approach, letting him have his say and then pointing out how completely ridiculous it is. Specifically, my brother is worried that showing him that I am well-educated on this topic (for fuck's sake, I studied it at one of the world's top universities!) will just make him angry and encourage him to keep pushing the Borderline label, in its capacity as 'annoying woman syndrome' rather than its valid psychiatric meaning. I don't know which way to go, and I'm concerned that I'll start crying, which is generally what I do when I'm angry (thank you, female socialisation).

Ugh. I'm just... really nervous about this and feeling scared and tearful. I don't want to talk to this guy. Last time we spoke, he reduced me to tears after 12 minutes on the phone. It was awful. I'm getting teary now just thinking about it, and worrying about tomorrow. I need a group hug. :(

 

*hugs* you give that guy your arguments if he gets pissed at that it's his own damn fault. You're gonna drop him one way or another so if he is angry about that he'll just come off like a toddler throwing a tantrum imho

 

*hugs* Good luck with it. Unfortunately I don't have any advice, but I really hope it all works out for you.

 

I sincerely hope it all works out.

Hugs from me.

 

What an asshole. Hugs from me - hope it goes well.

 

The advice I once got from a med student friend was to bring in the Official Book (or printouts of it, etc) and Conspicuously Read From Those to the doctor/psych in question. Dunno how relevant this is for you (though I can send you the DSM-5 if relevant, and the ICD-10 seems readily available online). Good wishes and hugs if wished.

 

Hugs!

 

If you can try and use that to your advantage. Instead of getting flustered and more upset (because really fuck you tear ducts now is not the time) grit your teeth and begin turning your crying face into the ugliest face you can. A snarling mask of anger and saline. See generally men are socialized not to like seeing women cry it makes them uncomfortable. Making it worse in this direction will probably either reinforce your anger and get you over the immediate crying feedback or make him so uncomfortable you and your friend can press for what you want. It may even work out both ways.

There is in fact an excellent chance you are secretly a terrifying badass of justice and this will be your dramatic reveal in the superhero comic of your life. And then you go to the rooftops to defend all people in the name of justice, fairness, and good mental health.

*hugs* Good luck from one angry crier to another.

 

All of the hugs

 

Thanks, everybody! I wish I'd had time to read this before the appointment this morning :)

The bad news: he was a dick and he made me cry.
The REALLY GOOD news: after about twenty minutes, I think he got bored of me, because he did a total 180 and agreed to do everything I asked! Like, literally everything! He even offered to do a thing I didn't ask!

I didn't read from a printout of the DSM/ICD, but I made it very clear that I know what they say. At one point (I fucking love this bit) he was telling me that I understood way too many of his jokes to possibly be at all autistic, and I pointed out that (aside from the fact that I laugh when I'm nervous and don't remember him making jokes) 'not getting jokes' is not a core feature of autism. He sort of smirked at me and said 'Well, what are the core features of autism? Tell me.' in a really condescending way, like 'sure, little girl, go ahead and pretend you know what you're talking about.' So I said, what, do you want me to list the diagnostic criteria from memory? Because I can fucking do that if you want. He said no, so I just gave him a quick bullet point list, which he responded to with a sort of dismissive expression before moving on and not addressing any of it.

Anyway, he also explained that the reason he thinks I'm borderline is because having depression AND anxiety AND self-harm AND a history (not current!) of disordered eating is a 'constellation' (actual word he used) of distinct, separate entities, implying that my MH is sooooo complex that I must have an underlying personality disorder. Presumably BPD is the only one he could possibly twist around to try to apply to me, not because of its actual criteria but because it's the traditional 'annoying crazy woman' label... but who cares? He agreed to cancel my BPD assessment!

I can't wait (/am dreading) seeing his clinic letter about THIS appointment, but I'm not concentrating on that. Victories: I won today. This is good. Dr Fuckboy is no more.

 

Christ, what a colossal douchebag. It's good to hear that it turned out in your favour, though! Goodbye Dr Fuckboy, and good riddance.

 

... What the fuck?

That's the completely standard autistic constellation of comorbidity. :\ Like, three-quarters of the forum has at least three of four.

Ugh. Congrats on dumping the dick!

 

Not like self-harmand disordered eating are pretty normal things to go along with depression or anxiety anyway! Ugh, what an incompetent jackhole.

Grats on getting away from him.

 

I know, right?

I do personally think that my depression and anxiety are distinct entities, but that's because I think my anxiety is a product of my autism. Self-harm has never been anything other than a symptom of depression (plus a little algolagnia), and my ED was largely a symptom of depression + a reaction to abuse. This is not unusual.

But in any case, this guy is the first professional I've met who didn't consider my depression and anxiety to be one and the same. When I was first (officially) diagnosed with depression, my GP was halfway through writing a prescription when she said 'So, this will help with your anxiety too...' and I had to be like, what anxiety? I don't have anxiety. (True, at the time.) Various other doctors and non-doctor experts have referred to anxiety as a feature of my depression; my dx at one time was 'depression with anxiety', all one condition; Dr Fuckboy is the only one yet who's referred to me having GAD in addition to MDD.

So stereotypically speaking, those two are the one thing: 'mood disorder'. Self-harm is a symptom of the mood disorder. The eating disorder is separate. That's not a ~constellation of disorders~, it's a simple dual comorbidity, and a very common one too.

(Honestly? My MI is actually very complex in terms of what diagnostic categories it fits/doesn't fit. But a. that's mostly because I've had a really weird life; b. it's less 'constellation' and more 'clusterfuck'; and c. an autism dx would explain almost every single thing. He wanted to unite it all with one dx? FUCKING AUTISM ALREADY. I meet all the criteria for ASD and none for BPD. Don't bother me with that bullshit.)

 

Seriously, though, if someone wanted to do a case study on my psychiatric health, it'd be fucking fascinating. My life has been highly unusual on its own, and my mental health has been bizarre as fuck. It wouldn't be a sob story, it would be a sort of psychocircus whirlwind. Fun.

 

@Elph fuck, that guy sucks. Congrats on annoying him enough and proving you know your shit enough to get him to stop being terrible.

Also, yeah, those are a perfectly standard cluster of issues. ?!?!

Also also, can I steal the phrase 'psychocircus whirlwind'? >_>

 

i am so baffled at the idea of depression + anxiety + ed + self harm being a ~mysterious inexplicable combo~

glad you're seeing someone else now!

 

@budgie , + woman which is clearly where the whole BPD thing came from, because bitches be crazy.

 

I wonder if they're diagnosing bpd more often now? Like, it seems to get thrown around a lot these days in its form of 'female patient i dont like' and idk if i just wasnt as aware of it before or what? <s> also questioning whether my own diagnosis is legit or the 'hysterical bitch' variety thank you insecurities this is def the place for that</s>