shitposting rave 2, electric boogaloo

-swings his hammer poutily-Hyu neffer let me haff enny fon- ...Hey, vere she gone?

 

Vot der FOCK? -stares at the gem, then where faustites body vanished, and back- Der hell sort ov construct vos DOT?

 

* Did you just dust her?
* With ONE attack?!
* That's... you're seriously powerful, aren't you?

 

@Affectionate nausea
-proudly- Dat's Mina! She iz de TOUGHEST. -leans over to noof like a cat over Mina's temple-

 

-grins, pleased, and licks her fangs clean- Der jägerkin iz der most feared monsters een Europa! Und der best lookink.

-nuzzles Mirrors back- Hyu bet.

 

"SELF-DESTRUCTIVE"

HUMAN! IT'S TIME I SHAKE OFF MY DOUBTS AND GET DOWN TO BUSINESS!

THE BUSINESS OF... OKAY, SO I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT!!!

BUT THE FATHER'S RIGHT! I CAN'T SIT HERE FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF! THAT'S NOT WHAT PAPYRUS WOULD DO!

...MAYBE I SHOULD ASK THE SANS IN THE OTHER TIMELINE FOR ADVICE?

 

PERHAPS YOU COULD CONSIDER YOUR CHOSEN CLASSPECT FOR ME?

IF YOU MAKE ME A KNIGHT OF HOPE INSTEAD OF AN HEIR OF HOPE, I COULD HAVE A GREAT CAPE!

THE HEIR HOODIE IS JUST NOT MY THING. FOR ALL THAT IT COULD RESEMBLE LONG BLOND HAIR.

(No, Pap, just look at this, or this, or even this. They all talk about being insecure and putting up a fake self as a shield, about their need to face despair and disappointment to learn what they really believe in, and things like weaponizing hope and destroying enemies in order to protect friends. Is that really the sort of thing you want?)

WELL... NOT EXACTLY...

(And then compare this or this? "Believing really hard in something makes it a little less fake." Run 100 laps hooting and hollering about how great you are, and you'll come to believe and embody it. Sound familiar?)

I MUST CONFESS, YOU HAVE SOME VALID POINTS HIDDEN IN THOSE LINKS!

I JUST WANT THE CAPE.

(You can customize the outfit.)

YIPPIE!!!

 

*knights really hard somewhere in the corner*

 

OH, SO SANS CAN BE A KNIGHT AND GET A CAPE (WITHOUT CUSTOMIZING HIS OUTFIT) BUT I DON'T?!?

I SEE HOW IT IS.

 

Yes, that's it Sans. You got stuck in another universe so you couldn't go to Grillby's anymore. This entire story arc has just been you being way more sober than you wanted to be, until you finally caved and went to the bad side of town to go bar hopping.

 

this is a weirdmaggedon reference, don't mind me

Spoiler: a compilation of sans and papyrus' text conversations since sans left

PAPYRUS: SANS! DO YOU HAVE YOUR PHONE WITH YOU?!?
PAPYRUS: WHEREVER YOU ARE???
PAPYRUS: THERE'S SOMETHING VERY STRANGE GOING ON!
sans: * whats going on?
sans: * im just on a walk somewhere.
sans: * ill be back...
sans: * at some point.
sans: * anyway gotta go.
sans: * talk to you later bro.
PAPYRUS: THAT'S NOT AN ANSWER!!!
PAPYRUS: SANS.
PAPYRUS: SAAAAAANS.
PAPYRUS: SANS SOMEONE LOCKED ME OUT OF MY ACCOUNT ON UNDERNET!
PAPYRUS: YOU'RE NOT EVEN READING THESE ARE YOU.
PAPYRUS: WELL! WHENEVER YOU BOTHER TO PICK UP YOUR PHONE AGAIN!!! SEE IF YOU'VE BEEN LOCKED OUT TOO???
PAPYRUS: I THINK SOMEONE MIGHT HAVE BROKEN INTO OUR HOUSE AND MESSED WITH MY COMPUTER.
PAPYRUS: AND THEY UPLOADED A PICTURE OF ME IN SNOWDIN???
PAPYRUS: NYEH. HEH? HEH...
PAPYRUS: I'M NOT REALLY IN THE MOOD TO LAUGH. JUST. LOG IN WHEN YOU READ THESE.
PAPYRUS: BY THE WAY SANS FORD SAYS THAT WHATEVER YOU DID TO LEAVE THE HOUSE?
PAPYRUS: YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO USE IT TO GET BACK IN!!!
PAPYRUS: THERE'S SOMETHING AROUND THE HOUSE THAT KEEPS PEOPLE FROM GETTING IN EXCEPT BY CERTAIN WAYS.
PAPYRUS: NO "SHORTCUTS"!
PAPYRUS: BUT PLEASE DON'T TAKE THAT TO MEAN YOU'RE UNWANTED!!!
PAPYRUS: HE IS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO LET THE HOUSE RECOGNIZE ME SO I CAN GO IN AND OUT.
PAPYRUS: SOMETIMES I REALLY WISH I KNEW HOW YOU TAKE THOSE SHORTCUTS!!!
PAPYRUS: BUT RIGHT NOW IT'S PROBABLY A GOOD THING THAT I DON'T?
PAPYRUS: I MIGHT HAVE GOTTEN MYSELF STUCK OUTSIDE.
PAPYRUS: SANS ARE YOU STUCK OUTSIDE THE HOUSE???
PAPYRUS: PLEASE KNOCK IF YOU ARE.
PAPYRUS: ...
PAPYRUS: I DON'T HEAR YOU KNOCKING BUT THAT MAKES SENSE SINCE YOU AREN'T REPLYING YET.

PAPYRUS: SANS! THANK YOU FOR YOUR VOICEMAIL!
PAPYRUS: YOU DIDN'T SAY NEARLY AS MUCH AS YOU COULD HAVE, YOU KNOW, LIKE WHERE YOU ARE??? OR HOW LONG YOU'LL BE?!?
PAPYRUS: BUT YOU SAID SOMETHING AT LEAST WHICH IS HONESTLY MORE THAN I EXPECTED FROM YOU!
PAPYRUS: I APPRECIATE THE STORY. THANKS FOR THINKING OF ME!
PAPYRUS: ...
PAPYRUS: AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY THIS.
PAPYRUS: SANS, HAVE YOU CHECKED ANY OF THE SITES FROM HOME?
PAPYRUS: I SAW SOME REALLY STRANGE THINGS. AND I TALKED TO FORD ABOUT THEM? AND HE SAID
PAPYRUS: WELL. JUST CALL ME SOMETIME WILL YOU!
sans: * ask ford to explain alternate timelines and "RESETS" to you.
sans: * and maybe time travel in general
sans: * i'm sorry, it's not very humerus but tibia honest...
sans: * i mean i guess you had to learn it one day.
sans: * i can't explain it well myself that's really hard science stuff.
sans: * greet the troll girls from me.
sans: * this task is going to take a while longer than i thought.

PAPYRUS: SANS! I AM JUST TOUCHING IN, TO SAY, THAT I DID NOT FORGET ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID TO DO!
PAPYRUS: AS IN, TALKING WITH FORD ABOUT THINGS, LIKE TIME TRAVEL, AND RESETS.
PAPYRUS: WE ALREADY TALKED A LITTLE? AND HE TOLD ME... THERE MIGHT NOT BE ANY SAFE WAY FOR US TO GO HOME???
PAPYRUS: OR AT LEAST IT MIGHT TAKE A LONG TIME???
PAPYRUS: BUT I GUESS YOU ALREADY KNEW THAT? MAYBE YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT???
PAPYRUS: I REALLY SHOULDN'T BE SURPRISED THAT YOU SOMEHOW ALREADY KNEW ABOUT WEIRD THINGS LIKE THIS.
PAPYRUS: HONESTLY, SANS.
PAPYRUS: WOULD IT KILL YOU TO TALK MORE ABOUT SERIOUS THINGS AND LESS ABOUT BAD JOKES? I DO SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING WITH THEM. DISTRACTING ME, AND PRETENDING LIKE NOTHING MATTERS, SO I'LL GET OFF YOUR BACK!
PAPYRUS: BUT IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK FOREVER!!!
PAPYRUS: AFTER ALL, I'M THE GREAT PAPYRUS! AND THAT MEANS BEING A GREAT BROTHER TOO!
PAPYRUS: OR IT SHOULD.
PAPYRUS: ANYWAY, FORD IS ASLEEP. AGAIN?
PAPYRUS: APPARENTLY HUMANS SLEEP IN BIG CHUNKS OF TIME LIKE YOU DO??? I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY GET ANYTHING DONE.
PAPYRUS: I'LL TRY TO CATCH HIM SOMETIME WHEN HE'S NOT BUSY, AND ASK HIM MORE ABOUT IT.
PAPYRUS: I HOPE WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING IS GOING WELL.

sans: * reminder you wanted to ask ford about time line resets.
sans: * i'm still busy.
PAPYRUS: SANS! HELLO!
PAPYRUS: I FIGURED YOU WOULD SAY THAT IF I ASKED, SO I DIDN'T BOTHER ASKING!!!
PAPYRUS: BUT NOT BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO ASK.
PAPYRUS: I'VE BEEN KIND OF BUSY TOO!
PAPYRUS: THERE WAS THIS WHOLE BIG THING WITH A DUEL AND ASSASSINS?
PAPYRUS: I DIDN'T GET HURT. AND NEITHER DID ANY OF OUR FRIENDS.
PAPYRUS: BUT A FEW OTHER PEOPLE DID.
PAPYRUS: I'LL GET BACK TO YOU WHEN I TALK TO FORD MORE!!!
PAPYRUS: * i'll get you home bro.
PAPYRUS: * don't worry.
PAPYRUS: DON'T WORRY? ABOUT WHAT? GETTING HOME? I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT THAT STUFF, SANS!
PAPYRUS: I KNOW EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT. OUR FRIENDS ARE FINE RIGHT NOW! AND THEY HAVE THE BEST POSSIBLE PERSON LOOKING OUT FOR THEM... THE GREAT PAPYRUS!!!
PAPYRUS: WHAT I'M WORRYING ABOUT IS YOU!
PAPYRUS: IT WAS A LOT EASIER DRAGGING YOU HOME WHEN YOU WERE HANGING OUT IN FRONT OF THAT DOOR. BUT I CAN'T DO THAT. YOU'RE NOT EVEN GIVING ME ANY HINTS ABOUT WHERE YOU ARE!!!

PAPYRUS: GUESS WHO KNOWS A FEW THINGS THAT YOU DON'T KNOW?
PAPYRUS: DID YOU GUESS "EVERYBODY STILL IN THE HOUSE"? BECAUSE THAT'S THE ANSWER!
PAPYRUS: ANYWAY, THAT PATH BETWEEN HERE AND THE FOREST I FOUND YOU IN IS STILL OPEN.
PAPYRUS: I WALKED BACK THERE TO SEE IF I COULD FIGURE OUT WHERE WE FIRST WENT THROUGH... BUT THEN I REMEMBERED; YOU DID ONE OF YOUR STUPID SECRET SHORTCUTS!
PAPYRUS: AND WHILE THERE'S NO DOUBT THAT I COULD EXPLORE THE ENTIRE FOREST AND EVENTUALLY FIND IT, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A BAD USE OF MY TIME WHEN I COULD JUST ASK YOU?
PAPYRUS: SO, SANS, DO YOU KNOW WHERE WE WERE WHEN I BROUGHT YOU THAT DRAWING???
PAPYRUS: ...
PAPYRUS: TO BE HONEST, I'M NOT SURE IF I'M REALLY ALL THAT MUCH IN A HURRY TO GET AN ANSWER.
PAPYRUS: EVERYBODY BACK HOME SEEMED TO BE FINE THE LAST TIME I CHECKED ON THEM.
PAPYRUS: AND IT'S NEAT BEING ON THE SURFACE LIKE THIS, WITHOUT NEEDING TO BREAK THE BARRIER OR ANYTHING. I'M HOPING TO LEARN TO DRIVE!!!
PAPYRUS: BUT... I'M GETTING A LITTLE WORRIED ABOUT YOU?
PAPYRUS: YOU HAVEN'T BEEN SAYING VERY MUCH.
PAPYRUS: I THINK YOU MIGHT BE IN A BAD WAY?
PAPYRUS: BUT I CAN'T LOOK OUT FOR YOU WHEN YOU'RE NOT HERE.
PAPYRUS: SANS, WHEN ARE YOU COMING HOME?
sans: * i can text you a picture of a map
sans: * so you can find the place i picked you up.
sans: * that's a pretty sternum tone from you.
sans: * not used to that at all.
sans: * listen bro.
sans: * ...
sans: * shit this is hard.
sans: * i don't think i can come back.
sans: * greet everyone from me.
sans: * i need to finish this.
sans: * have a good time, yeah?
PAPYRUS: WHY WOULDN'T YOU BE ABLE TO COME BACK?
Papyrus: I KNOW ABOUT YOUR TELEPORTING TRICK. YOU KNOW THAT I KNOW ABOUT IT, AND I KNOW THAT YOU KNOW THAT I KNOW IT.
Papyrus: YOU COULD COME BACK HERE, FOR A NAP, OR A MEAL, ANY TIME YOU WANTED, AND KEEP DOING WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE WORKING ON.
Papyrus: BUT YOU HAVEN'T. I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
sans: * i just can't come back okay?
sans: * i don't want to do this to you.
sans: * you shouldn't text me anymore.
sans: * don't call me either.
PAPYRUS: I'M AFRAID THAT NOTHING IN THIS CONVERSATION HAS CONFIRMED YOUR IDENTITY!
PAPYRUS: WHY WOULD I BELIEVE THAT MY BROTHER WOULD SUDDENLY CUT OFF TIES WITH ME?
PAPYRUS: IT SEEMS FAR MORE LIKELY THAT YOU ARE AN IMPOSTOR AND PHONE THIEF!
sans: * Papyrus I'm serious.
sans: * This is my serious voice.
sans: * Stop.
PAPYRUS: I DON'T WANT TO BELIEVE WE'RE EVEN HAVING THIS CONVERSATION.
PAPYRUS: IF THIS IS REALLY YOU. IF YOU REALLY MEAN IT. THEN.
PAPYRUS: SAY IT TO MY FACE.

 

Meow.

 

BARK BARK!

 

-picks up Judge and sets him on her shoulder, stroking between his ears- Hello there, sir. -she walks in a wide arc around the dog. Dogs don't like her-

 

BARK!

BARK!

BARK BARK BARK!!!

 

* what do ya call two buddies buying a vehicle together?
*...

Spoiler

* carpals

 

-snortlaughing- Dot vos vun rotten pon, hyu should bury eet alreddy.

 

The Judge purrs.
"Hello my dear fellow interdimensional traveller. You have a most exquisite taste in headscratchings. Do continue."

 

Friendly Public Service Announcement:



that is all, carry on.

 

THIS IS MADDENING!

NOT ONLY IN THIS GAME... BUT IN THE OTHER GAME TOO, WHERE THERE'S NOW THREE OF SANS!

THREE OF HIM!!!

AND ALL OF THEM ARE SAD AND BROKEN UP ABOUT THE RESETS AND THEIR HORRIBLE MEMORIES AND GUILT AND...

I KNOW I'M GREAT TO HELP THEM, BUT ISN'T THIS GETTING TO BE A BIT MUCH?!?