shitposting rave 2, electric boogaloo

"Coffee would be wonderful. It calms the mind so well."

 

*her eye twitches but she puts on a wide smile*
OH SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO THAT. SILLY ME, ACTUALLY FAMILIAR WITH FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE AGAINST SUPERATURAL ENTITIES, HOWEVER DID I HAPPEN TO THINK YOU MIGHT BE UNDERESTIMATING THE THREAT LEVEL HERE.

 

I'd be delighted. Although - would you happen to know how to make klava? It's a way of processing coffee that removes the bitterness, and the only truly civilized way to drink it.

On my world there are seventeen Great Weapons - the original inhabitants of our world created them to fight the invading Jenoine, but they can also be used to kill gods. As for responsibility - they also made lesser versions, Morganti weapons, that also eat souls. They thought they'd made a weapon so horrible that war would become unthinkable. It worked for them, but they underestimated humans, by whatever definition you use.

 

I've had to fight for my life, too. You're making assumptions. You should apologize. Like, for real.

 

They're not going to attack you. They're going to condescend at you.

 

Big deal. I can always just leave.

 

EVER SO SORRY.
*the smile grows wider, showing off teeth*
SINCE I'VE ESCAPED MY HOME DIMENSION I'VE BECOME ACQUAINTED WITH THE NOTION THAT PEOPLE OUR AGE ARE NOT USUALLY RAISED TO BE UNIVERSE CONQUERING MURDERERS THAT IT'S RUDE TO ASSUME EVERYONE AROUND ME HAS KILLED BEFORE.

 

(You brew up a mug and serve it hot)
"Any flavour you wanna try with it?"

(You've got a question, but you've got trouble wording it)
"Jame, your people have terms for close hatchmates, right? Sister and Brother. Is there a term for your mother's hatchmates?"

 

So, let me get this straight. I've been polite to you, and yet somehow you're insecure to need to attack and belittle me no matter what I say. You assume that just because I have enough resources to not have to go all the way to murder when people try to murder me I'm somehow weaker and more fragile, when really the truth is you just lacked those resources, probably through no fault of your own. This makes you angry enough you need to condescend to me so you can feel like you earned something with your kills.

Is that correct?

 

"Can't say I've heard the term, but that might be a cultural thing? I usually put my grounds through a franke press. Self-roasted and ground, preserves the flavour."

 

*raises hand* I would like some, I love trying out new flavors in life. I would like it bitter, extremely bitter.

 

"What flavors do you have?" she asks, looking over. "And my mother's hatchmates, so to speak, would be aunts and uncles. I have one living uncle and a bunch of dead uncles and aunts ..."

 

@eyefishSoup
Got anything for good-ol' Nick?

 

"I'm not sure it's possible to make war too horrible, especially when rulers can make other people bear the cost," Jame observes. "My Ivory Knife is one of a kind, one of three sacred objects of our people, and the only weapon, though the other two are also deadly in their own way. It kills anything living it even merely touches, and rots anything that once lived. I suspect it can kill at least smaller Gods, or at least their physical forms. "God" can mean so many different things, though."

 

"In my opinion, bitter coffee is a travesty, but I can let your mug steep longer."
You hand Starkiller a steaming mug of coffee without any condiments.

"Whole lotta stuff! Various berry syrups anywhere from sweet to sour, some tart stuff, various nut flavours..."
"Hm, so you would be my aunt, then?"

"Sure. Anything you want in it?"

 

YOU WANNA RUN YOUR MOUTH SOME MORE OR SHOULD I SEW IT SHUT RIGHT NOW TO SPARE US BOTH THE TROUBLE?
*the smile is still firmly in place*
I'M NOT TRYING TO INSULT YOU I'M TRYING TO KEEP YOU OUT OF A DANGEROUS SITUATION.

 

So could the demon I am thinking of. In fact two weeks ago he very nearly did.

 

"One of the sweeter fruit syrups, perhaps? Not the most intense sweet, but on the sweeter side would be nice. And yes, I'd be your aunt, I guess! I never even thought of that. Adoption makes things weird!"

 

Well, that's nice, but I don't need your advice when you don't know me or my skills.

Fair enough! Lemme edit, then - I can handle the demons I'm familiar with, and there are clearly kinds of demons out of my skill level for now.

 

IT'S LITERALLY MY JOB TO TAKE ONE LOOK AT PEOPLE, HEAR WHAT THEY ARE SAYING, SERVE THEM A CUP OF COFFEE AND SAY "DARLING, DON'T". SO PLEASE JUST TAKE A CUP OF COFFEE AND DON'T FUCK YOURSELF OVER, ALRIGHT?