shitposting rave 2, electric boogaloo

And yet, he got the best of you. On multiple occasions, no less.

Nice seeing you, by the way, Stanford. If I'd known you wanted those creatures I'd have sent you the whole pack.

 

I'm that charming.

Probably.

 

My brother is extremely charming, except when he's trying too hard, which is often. When we were children, adults had very polarised reactions to me. They either thought I was adorable or obnoxious, depending upon their interests and their tolerance for precocity.

 

>_>

<_<

I have a rather bothersome personal question to ask.

I'll go ahead and shoot:


The world must be fed to survive, and it only accepts people's lives as subsistence.

It would find the lives of the evil and the condemned most delicious, yes, but it would most definitely starve on those lives alone! ;-(

What then, prevents you from feeding it with the lives of the apathetic, the weak, the ignorant, the invalid, and the uncaring?

The world would surely grow fat on such warm, juicy lives such as those. I think then, that it would be most beneficial for all of us if such a culling were to transpire.

 

DIE SCREAMING

 

You don't look like a genie, @Genie...

And that's a relief, honestly, 'cause I'd like what you're saying even less than I already do if I thought you really were one.

 

Yay, mass murder!

But... if it helps the world survive... NO!

I DON'T WANT THE WORLD TO SURVIVE! I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO SURVIVE!

 

:o

I have heard some argue "Guns kill people."

I've heard others claim "People kill people."

But "Guns kill guns?" "People kill guns?"

The concept is most assuredly not in existence, I am quite certain!

 

You just said you want to kill people for being useless! You know who's useless? Every single fragging person. There is nobody who is always 'useful'.

And, more specifically, you said you'd be happy to kill me, the invalid mute.

So you know what? If you think you're so much better for having a voice, use it.

 

I assure you, I'm quite capable of working my own kind of magic! ^_^

Of course, I'm not quite capable of much without a partner, but I'm sure there must be someone in this interdimensional rift willing to make a contract with me.

There is not truly such a thing as peace you see.

Discontent and bitter feelings always brew where people gather.

And here, I can even sniff it in the air!

There are those in this thread who desire greatly for the bloodbath to begin anew.

 

Okay, sure, no such thing as peace. I won't fight on you on that.

But the world doesn't need you killing people to keep it working, dude. It runs on its own power, by itself, and murder... that often just makes things worse, not better. Breeds more discontent and bitter feelings.

 

Useless? Not at all!

Everyone in this world has a use, I assure you!

Death just so happens to be one of one's uses.

And discontent and bitter feelings breed more murder!

It's the vicious cycle that makes the world go 'round. ^_^

Without a little bit of chaos and turmoil, the world stops spinning, progress slows, and stagnation occurs.

It is my job to stir things up every once in a while, whether I be in the hands of the the serial killer, the noble enforcer of justice, the patriotic soldier, the jilted lover, or the mass murderer.

I can sense that you have observed many a century.

You are well aware of how short and fleeting life is for the mortal.

it's even in the name! Mortals, they die! :o)

Why then, do you take issue with the inevitable?

 

...the part where I don't live in that world?

I have five planets to run and it's a lot of work--even when I'm relatively sure I'm getting all the information I need. Akallabeth says I am terrible at delegating. (This is her idea of pillow talk.)

I am not going to tell you how to run yours, especially if I suspect you of only giving me carefully curated intelligence about it. Which I absolutely do.

Telling Torisen what I think is 100% based in my affection for Ford who has a lot of affection for Jame.

Anyhow, once people start talking about culling people who haven't harmed anyone for not being 'useful' enough, everything's already gone to shit. This is why I don't like capitalism. This insistence upon putting an exchange value on everything, including people. So what if someone isn't smart enough to learn to read and balance their books? Okay so you don't let them vote and you don't let them run their own finances, but...that person enjoys their life and there are other people who love them. They deserve to keep on living.

Someone thinks they have the right to sell the planet out from under the people who live on it? Out the window.
Someone thinks they have the right to knowingly poison the air we breathe and the water we drink for their own profit? Off with their head.

But no, you do not kill harmless people just because they don't or can't do whatever you think is important.

For all I know, when we die that's the end of all we experience. The world may go on, but we don't. If there's even a chance that the short lifespans mortal beings have are all we get, you don't take that away from people unless they are clearly out to shorten the lives of others for fun and profit.

 

As a sapient apex predator and obligate carnivore, I have one thing and only one thing to say to you.

You're a huge fucking asshole.

 

I can be found wherever guns exist. I have seen many different worlds and universes, from many different utterances and poigs in time, but the world as a general concept exists in each of them.

The planet may change, but the world always remains the same.

However, I would gladly tell you of my gruesome adventures in any of them. ^_^

I do love having these sorts of chats.

I can be quite the talkative firearm, after all.

It is of great difficulty to silence this revolver, but I digress.

It is a particularly confounding conumdrum to me that people assign so much value to something as ephemeral and fleeting as life.

But very well, I have received my answer.

Before I leave...we must have a few last words.

You may partake of the following information:

There is indeed a manner of existence after death, but not in a way that you might expect, or perhaps even be able to comprehend. It is an existence with much variation between deceased individuals.

I would show you, but I fear you would not take particularly kindly to being granted the ability to exeunt yourself quite yet.

Do keep in mind...however... that all actors must leave the stage eventually, and this includes yourself.

...>_>...<_<...

 

I am afraid I must object, good madame-I am a gun, not the perforation found between the buttocks of many mortals.

 

When weapons start to talk, whether they're swords or guns or knives or bombs, it's never a good sign.

 

'Cause, well, there are mortals that I love. Awesome mortals. And I don't want them to get hurt.

And sure, maybe death is inevitable for all of them, but that doesn't mean I should give into despair, that doesn't mean I should just give up on them.

It used to seem like I'd remain a slave forever, like that was inevitable, but I didn't. Weirdmaggedon happened and I was freed. And even before that, I fought hard for my freedom. I didn't just accept that the way things were was inevitable, that I couldn't do shit to change any of it. I went after what I wanted and eventually got it. Yeah, it was painful and hard sometimes, yeah, it took a long time, but it was worth doing. And it still would be if I wasn't free now.

So, yeah, if the way things are sucks, it can get fucked.

 

*he makes a vague hand gesture*

[...] these include: "Guns don't kill people, blood loss and organ damage does", "Guns don't kill people, people kill guns", "A list of things that kill people: One, Conceivably anything. Two, not guns!", "Guns don't kill people, we are all immortal souls living temporarily in shelters of earth and meat" and "If you say guns kill people one more time, I will shoot you with a gun and you will, coincidentally, die".

 

... it's not? WOW I must have a good long talk with my katanas then.