shitposting rave 2, electric boogaloo

Well, I'll always have a special place in my spark for it, but it ain't for the taste, I'll tell you that.

 

So, were you brought online during the war?

 

"Shame iz not goot for non klenks den..."

-suspicious squint- Qvantum soundz like sparkvork, hy tink hy try der plain kind first. Ken hyu get drunk? Hy gotz vodka to swap hyu.

 

-he laughs, startled, and his wings flare slightly-
Me? Nah, darlin', I'm an old soldier. Was forged 'bout seven and a half million years ago, a li'l aafter some business with Nova Prime.

 

I don't do trade, but sure. *hands the Original Nuka Cola to Cosmina*. It is a soda with a little bit of lactose in it, so, no, you can't get drunk.

 

Wha-

I didn't know anyone that old even existed anymore! Er. No offense.

Tell me about it!

 

-his wings relax-
None taken. I'm up there, that's for sure.

Tell you the truth, most of it was just fightin', for me. I've been - well, Earth word for it's sergeant, you prob'ly don't know Cybertron's ranks - anyway, I ain't ever been a mover or a shaker. Don't really know much about the politics of it. I c'n tell you what Cybertron looked like when I was forged - different than it does now, that's for sure, an' different than it was even a hundred years ago. C'n tell you about some conflicts, too, but that's about it. I been deployed most of my functioning - under the Senate, for a while. We talked Functionism here before, an' I'm a bomber. So I was a soldier an' that was that.

 

But, y'know, if you've watched Earth movies, y'know what soldiers are like. Don't know if half my stories 'r appropriate here.

 

More balance is always a good thing to have in your life.

I'd rather not, if it's all the same to you.

 

What was Nova Prime like? The Camiens say true primes are infallible but I'm pretty sure that's jetfuel.

 

Well, like I said, I was forged after that business with him scramblin' off, so can't say I knew the mech personally. The mech that trained me didn't have a real good opinion of him, though, and he was a pretty good judge of character, so I'm willin' to accept his assessment.

 

What about Optimus Prime? You're an Autobot, right? Did you follow him, or were you force-recruited by the Senate? Have you ever met him? Is he nuts??

 

-he laughs-
Slow down, darlin', I'm old, like you noticed, and I need time for all those questions.

Yup, I'm an Autobot. Started out as a soldier for the Senate, like I said - weren't no forced recruiting about it. I was a warframe, so I went. Weren't no other place for me. Autobots started out as the Senate's soldiers - Zeta Prime and Optimus, back when he was Orion Pax, came up with it. Haven't met Prime, exactly - heard him give speeches, sure, but like I said, I ain't ever been a mover and shaker. Not ranked high enough. An'... I ain't ever evaluated him, but if you want my professional opinion? We're all a little screwed in the processor after all that. Prime prob'ly ain't the lone exception.

 

...you beat me to saying it, Ford, but yes. *smiles, blushing faintly*

 

So you didn't agree with the Autobot ideals? Why didn't you leave? Burlesque left.

 

Never said that. Said I wasn't force-recruited, didn't I? I will tell you I didn't know what the 'cons were fightin' for at first, an' by then they were doin' stuff worse. I was forged a protector - never got over it. Don't like anybody gettin' involved in fightin' that didn't have to, an' all those planets the 'cons fragged with were the definition of that.

 

*beams, purrs, eyes almost narrowed to slits*

It's very nice to be the queen sometimes.

 

So how do you deal with people who think just because you wear an Autobot badge, you condone the rhetoric the Senate used when it was in charge of the Autobots?

 

And like. Just because they arbitrarily decided you were a soldier doesn't mean that's what you are at your core. I'm a jet and Stentato is a jet and we're the same jet, but we're nothing alike.

 

I explain to 'em what a soldier is. We don't "condone" anythin', really. We don't know enough to. We just take orders.

-he stiffens slightly and his wings flare a bit before he forcibly relaxes-
Well, darlin', I soldiered for seven million years or so. What else would I be? I'm somethin' else now, but that's cause they don't need soldiers no more. I am what people need me to be.