shitposting rave 3: Dawn of the third rave

First I'm told I'm pitiful, now I'm a sweet summer child. Next thing you know, I'll be getting the rabbit comments.

[He shakes his head in mock dismay.]

What are fairies? Though the girls who hung 'round the stables and the soldiers seemed to like the bog unicorn well enough. Children are so bloodthirsty, they kept asking if I would let Harrit let them touch the sword.

...I said no, by the way.

 

That's very responsible of you. The poor dears might cut themselves. First you need to teach them how to hold such a thing! Also, not a word out of you Fareeha.

Moving on, fairies are little winged people from the European islands. Some are nice! Some will kick you down hills!

 

It's the awful puns and terrible jokes that make me swoon, dearest.

 

Well, it was also covered in rust and scum, so I'd rather not get scolded for letting them get dirty and possibly infect a cut. And Harrit never liked having them so close to the thing to begin with. And it would have been an abuse of privilege, probably.

They sound like little spirits though. That sounds like the sort of mischief a spirit might get up to, given reason.

 

As I said! Proud doctor and proud military heritage!

 

Eugh, that thing. Bloody hell that thing. How could children want to touch its sword?

*conjures an image in the air, because he must share his distress*

Spoiler: Bog Unicorn

He sat his rump on that thing all the time and it is disgusting. I love you, Helios but that thing. *Has now conjured some good hard liquor and is drinking*

 

Eh, it would be good for their immune systems. Children need a bit of grim and horrible pain in their lives.

 

i am but a vworm at your mighty youthful feet.

 

It was terribly sweet, Dorian, and you know it. And it didn't require feeding, which meant I could travel lighter than you, he of the pomade and elaborate jewelry.

 

That is hardly a creature of dreams and fairy-cakes and sparkling glitter!

 

i vwanna touch that.

 

No, it's possessed. That's rather like my dreams, at least. And the Fade's sparkly enough from a certain angle.

What's an immune system, if you don't mind me asking?

 

It may not have eaten but it was disgusting.

And my pomade at least smells nice.

 

It wasn't that bad.

Was it?

 

Very boring and complicated thing full of fluids. Fights off infections and demonic possessions. When you get sick of how it works you steal Ziegler's tech and stab yourself full of yellow healy sparkles.

 

Well, no it wasn't the worst smelling thing it just didn't smell good. Mostly I think it was the err-- Well, it was just unsettling!

 

...I feel like I've missed something along the lines there. Are you talking about lyrium? But lyrium is blue, so no, of course not, but I can't think of anything else that might fight off demon possession of all things.

Well, I suppose I must grant you that. Everyone seemed to dislike it, though it's honestly the most charming thing. I think Cole liked it. That might be my metric for how bad the smell was, now that I think about it.

 

Are You Done Talking Yet?

 

howv do you get a bog unicorn??

 

i guess ill havwe no choice but to utterly submit to my mistresses absurd demands, like the loyal and humble slavwe to your desires i am.