shitposting rave 3: Dawn of the third rave

Things are so much less complicated in the woods...Generally speaking. It is a bit complicated when the clan is found by humans and you need to move quickly and quietly. And so on.

We don't have to spend coin on cakes, though. Granted we don't have cakes.

 

"Don't you guys, you know, steal? Some elves steal. Stolen cakes are free." She grins. "Not much baking out in the woods, I figure."

 

-frowns because she is offended-

Not all of us are thieves or bandits. And no, there isn't much baking. There isn't any baking at all. You can't really put an oven in an aravel.

 

I used to shoplift. Rebellious teenage shit. Anything to embarrass my parents enough to fucking notice me. It's pretty easy to lift food, unless it's big.

So what do you guys eat, then? No bread either.

 

There are lots of things to eat in the woods if you know how to look. There are fruits and plants and mushrooms and nuts. Acorns are a bit bitter, but you can't really be picky. We have hunters too!

Though some Dalish do steal, yes. Or assault human wagons and the like. Our clan didn't. We tried to keep away from humans as much as we could. Why, I had only seen one human before heading to Kirkwall and even then only for a short while.

 

At least you're not vegans, then. That would be a snooze.

Sounds like you guys have reasons to keep away. They don't seem to like you.

 

They don't like us in general, no. It's a very long story, starting with our slavery at the hands of the Tevinter Imperium I suppose. Tevinter being a nation of human mages, and once the dominant force in Thedas. The elves began to rebel, however, and we aided the human prophetess Andraste. Which eventually led to our freedom from slavery, and our people claimed a home for our own in so long. It was called the Dales. However, we kept our own customs and our own gods and this upset the Andrastian Chantry. As did hostilities from us, which the Chantry claims that we started, leading them to start another Exalted March. Though this time it wasn't with us at their side, but against us. The Dales were utterly lost and the elves were forced to accept the Chantry and life in the alienages. However some of us refused to abandon our ways and fled. These elves are those like myself, the Dalish.

I've heard a lot of stories and rude names while living in Kirkwall. We're apparently child eating savages who ravage homes and steal from good sensible folk. Not to mention heretics and apostate mages. Even many elves in the alienages think we're savages!

 

(Kite has been listening intently and taking notes)
Thank you! Stories about courtship are even more numerous than the ones about strife, I've found, but they have a good deal of cultural variance!

 

[She shrugs, returning to her text-display. Talking for so long was hard!]

Most cultures have their own standards of romance; of course the stories vary. Glad to have provided a new one for Kite's records =]

 

i havwe a pretty face!

 

That is subjective.

 

youre subjectivwe.

 

Yes, such is the nature of opinions. Shall we have another existentialism debate?

 

nah! me being hot is an objectivwe fact.

 

But does objectivity exist at all? Can attractiveness be quantified? Should it? Why?

 

it should be quantified in degrees of resemblance to me. the closer you are to one cronus, the hotter you are.

 

But why is Cronus the paragon of attractiveness? What qualities in specific mark physical attractiveness, and in what units are they measured?

 

*She gestures at her face in reply.*

 

Input not recognized, please rephrase.

[It is probably a good thing text doesn't convey tone, and that Gess is wearing a mask. Giggles ruin the tone of trolling.]