shitposting rave 4: (almost) anything goes

This shit's extra potent.
Should know, made it MYself.
Will get You stoned as fuck.

 

Perfect. -she's already made a significant dent in it-

 

"Not if you kill almost everyone in it!" Sloane said cheerily. "And that is part of his plan."

"Well, yeah, but The Dark Lord's got plenty of followers....most are actually loyal to what he's doing. A few were forced at risk of loss of life and limb, but most actually want to be there. And I'd be surprised if he hadn't planned ahead for most of the major languages. Not to mention that if there's ever a language he doesn't speak, he can always just force people who do speak it into his service! Or, y'know, there's probably a few people who speak the language who actually want to follow him. And he's got all the ones who don't want to be there bound with an Unbreakable Vow--either you do the vow, or you die right then. And once you've sworn, well....disobeying will kill you instantaneously anyway." Sloane sighed.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaanyway. That was a lot that just happened now." Sloane sighed. Man, if only Alex were here. Alex always knew what to do with arguments. Or, well, she at least tried.

 

Spoiler: gif

 

@Sloane Ryder At the very least, a reduced population is a more manageable one. It would be of much less difficulty to ensure the world's denizens maintain productivity. I'm sure the the process of genocide itself has everyone's hands full! ^ ^

Spoiler: cw: eating disorder analogy

Even still, this method trims off more than just the fat. The world would gorge itself on such a grand feast only to find a sparse ration for each subsequent meal. Surely, such a scenario is a lesson in the dangers of purging and binge eating.

 

Sloane raised her eyebrows. "Uh....riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight." She eyed them. "....it's really only The Dark Lord and his main followers committing the genocide. Then you've got the people who are going to be killed and are mostly trying to avoid that, and then you've got....people like me and my family, I guess. We're not in danger unless we step out of line or try to help one of the, uh....genocide victims. We're just expected to follow orders and keep our heads down. So the genocide doesn't really have everyone's hands full....but frankly I'd prefer not to discuss the merits of the genocide planned by The Dark Lord....and I'm also not sure how genocide is a lesson in anything except that you shouldn't trust genocidal megalomaniacs." Sloane took a few steps away from them.

 

A thousand pities. Say, there is no reason to step away. We're all friends here, you see...>_>......<_<

If it's my murderous intent you sense, it is of no cause for concern. I may have an itchy trigger, but my barrel isn't trained on any target.

If it is my words that are bothering you, then for once I have not much to say. Compared to the rest of this rift's denizens, I've found my beliefs are the exception rather than the norm.

My dearest apologies, but you tend to take a different perspective on things when you are a parasitic entity such as myself. ^ ^

 

Sloane hesitated. "....it's mostly the words. Sorry, I'm just not super inclined to be comfortable around people who consider genocide to have benefits. I guess being a....parasitic entity....might make you have a different perspective, yes....but back home, people who think like that are usually bad news." She shifted a bit uneasily. "And also, I've never encountered parasitic entities before outside of actual parasites that infect and/or kill you. So you'll have to forgive a bit of discomfort on my end. What....are you, exactly, if you don't mind my asking?"

 

A magical talking revolver. I'm quite contagious, and airborne too! You'd know if you caught me, however. It's generally accompanied by a loud "Bang!" and the discovery of a brand new bloody hole in yourself that was previously not there.

 

"....ah." Sloane sighed. "Great."

 

My bullets contain eggs, you see. Should someone survive their entry, the victim would find a brand new revolver growing under the scar tissue.

 

"Oh." Sloane looked slightly revolted. "Um. I...I guess that explains the parasitic part...."

 

Okay, great, so at least I'm not completely misinterpreting. Scanner--

--yes, I know you like causing trouble, it's not exactly a secret. I don't expect you to actually be helpful here, but am I right if I guess your main issue with what Norm was saying is how close to functionism it sounds?

He can't shoot on his own as far as we've seen, and the way this place works you can just will yourself to not get hit. Or get a surgeon to take the eggs out after, I assume. You're plenty safe, and feel free to just ignore him if he's freaking you out.

...look at me, being rude again. Eclipse of Apophenia, non-aligned Cybertronian, currently posted to the Team. [He tips his wings in greeting.]

 

Sloane sighed. "Right, I keep forgetting, you can just will things to happen here....I guess the fact that he can't shoot on his own is comforting. God. I guess parasitic revolvers are my limit on weird, who'dathunk." She offered a small smile. "Anyway. I'm Sloane. Uh....Slytherin? Is maybe the closest thing I can offer to where I am aligned in the world?"

 

Which makes about as much sense to me as what I said does to you, right? [He shakes his head, laughing a little at himself.] Sorry. Old habits and all that. I, uh...

[Well shit, where is he supposed to take the conversation from there? 'Sorry it looks like your planet's headed the same way ours was before the six-million-year war thing'? He probably should've just airdropped the info about Genie and not tried to introduce himself, but it's too late now.] ...genocide discussion aside, hope you live long enough to see things get better. I'd try the advice thing but honestly I know fragall about your universe and honestly I didn't do a whole lot to survive our own glorious revolution-- [a sarcastic wingflip that would be much more noticeable if he weren't currently human-sized accompanies the words--] besides get kidnapped by people with higher social standing.

 

"Yup, basically! I could try and explain what Slytherin means to you, but....that might take a while. Kinda curious what Cybertronian means, though." Sloane sighed. "And thanks, I guess, but seeing as our genocidal megalomaniac's got things on lockdown and is kind of immortal, I have a feeling I won't be living to see things get better....honestly, I doubt anyone will. Even revolutionaries who succeeded would probably die before he did....and then good luck making a new system, capturing all his followers, putting a new government in place, getting the news out to the world....we sort of lost a lot of knowledge of what we had before, so it'd have to all be built from scratch and...." Sloane shook her head. "Geez. Listen to me, going on about things I won't even be around to plan." She smiled wryly. "But I guess it's an indication of how much I've thought about this. Thankfully thoughtcrimes aren't a thing....yet."

 

Cybertron's the planet I was built on, 'Cybertronian' is the adjective for things that come from there. Non-aligned just means I bugged out when 'let's overthrow the corrupt, tyrannical government' turned into 'let's have a civil war in the rubble over who knows how to do peace better'. [He shrugs. He's... not going to start the mnemosurgery discussion again.] Until something major happens, thinking's all you really can do, right? Even if all the planning just ends in 'and then we get caught and tortured and/or killed'.

 

Sloane nodded. "Ah. Sounds like good times," she said, sarcastically. "See, that would probably end up happening with my world too--except it would be less 'who can do peace better' and more 'who's best suited to taking over in Vo--The Dark Lord's place'. Never mind that there should be elections and democracy and what have you, and we should probably separate all the countries into their own places again...someone has to have maps of where the borders used to be, after all." She sighs. "And I guess. But the planning would pretty much always end in 'and then we died'. Unless, you know, you keep all your planning in your head, and never talk about it, and never write it down....so don't actively plan anything, basically. I mean....I guess you could actively plan things if you only stayed in places that are Unplottable and semi-sentient so they don't let your enemies in, but....I only know of one place like that. And it's sort of at the heart of an area teeming with supporters of the genocidal dude."
Sloane paused. "....sorry, that stuff about Unplottable places probably didn't make much sense to you, did it?" She considered for a moment. "Actually, there might have been a lot there that didn't make sense to you, considering how very little I know about what your world is like. My bad."

 

Or alternating places. Can't raid you if they don't know where you are.
And if they don't even know you're plotting.

 

Sloane sighed. "Yeah, but there's only so many places you can go before you start having to go back to places you've already been....not to mention that if anyone vanishes from their usual places--for instance, if I just up and left school so I could go start a revolution--people would notice. And then you're automatically assumed a traitor....and most people would report you on sight, just to avoid being killed for aiding you. It wouldn't be easy, is what I'm saying. And then you have to take into account the fact that humans need food, and where I'm from you can't make it out of thin air, so you'd have to steal food from people, and eventually someone would notice, so unless you move spots for every lunch, breakfast, and dinner....plus, our only forms of travel outside of walking are pretty well tracked. And walking everywhere sounds....well, it sounds like it'd get you caught eventually."