shitposting rave 4: (almost) anything goes

Alex laughs. "Because some crazy alien bitch is trying to take over our planet, our uncle and our grandfather took her on, and now our grandfather's dead, our uncle's a prisoner, and his demon servant has been taken by the crazy alien bitch." She shrugs. "Oh, and they want to put my cousin into a spaceship because she can walk through walls like Grauntie here did."

 

Well obviously you just need to shoot the alien. With magic.

 

magic ALWAYS beats aliens.

 

Duh!

 

"Yes," says Alex. "But she knows about that now. So it won't be as easy as it sounds. And Aunt Lissa died before she could finish teaching Jessie and me how to dream things, and...Mason just got done with his apprenticeship to the guy she took out first. She came to our house right after she convinced President Trump she could help him out even more than the goddamn Russians, looking for someone named Loreli."

 

Sorry, did you hit your head and get super lame at magic or something? I don't even see why this is a problem. Mason has to know exactly the spells you need to do, and then you just do them. Same as always. Is the ritual set-up like weeks?

 

"She took Will," Lissa says quietly. "You don't know it, my dear, but you and your brother have been cheating. I don't know how you can say you don't know of any demon servant, when you've clearly been tapping his power so hard that your eyes have changed colour. The only Pines who was born with blue eyes is the one who was also born with six fingers. Mason and Alex have to use their own power. You've been channelling so much power that I'm afraid I'm not quite sure how you've survived it."

 

What? No! This is all my power!

-She stiffens.-

 

"Memory gun," Alex says, sighing.

 

vwho hasnt tapped a little from a powver source once in a vwhile.

 

Excuse me?

-She gives Alex an icy glare, eyes flaring up.-

 

*Alights on the tip of Venus' horn. Venus is tall and a very good look-out point.*

 

"Oh, nothing," says Alex lightly. "I was just wondering if you'd ever seen Uncle Ford's memory gun."

 

*Swat.*

 

You're making fun of me, aren't you? That's a mistake.

 

*Circles away airily, and alights on the opposite horn*

 

"No, I am really not making fun of you," Alex says more seriously, and drops the facade--there's no sense in trying to maintain it in front of someone who knows all her tricks because they're her tricks, too. "At least not any more than you were making fun of me. But you are channelling a lot more power than Mason and I could do without Will, and it's weird that you don't remember them."

She glances at Lissa. "Sorry, Will decided they preferred to be a them after you died."

 

*Much harder SWATSWAT.*

 

*Flies off to circle the room until she finds a light fixture roughly Venus' height. She perches and preens her chest.*

 

Maybe you're just weaker than me. You sound weaker!