shitposting rave 4: (almost) anything goes

"William used to work for me, but there is now a competing employer and a bit of a labour dispute. Sometimes he is a beautiful young man and sometimes they are a triangle. And lately they have been a quite attractive troll. But William is a demon."

 

Right, taken by the alien bitch queen. But what does that have to do with me, again?

 

"Mabel, who do you live with? Do you live with your uncle Stanford, and your brother? Is there nobody else in the house? Do you have a grandfather or another uncle named Stanley? An aunt or grandmother named Carla? No servants? No Aunt Valisseira, or Vasilisa, or Valeria? If there isn't a servant in the house, something else may be going on. I'd like to help you figure out what it is."

 

It's just me and Great-Uncle Stanford and Mason, obviously. Not everyone needs servants.

 

Ford smiles. "That's obvious to you, but not to me. I live with all of those people I mentioned, or...at least I did." The smile fades. He misses his brother and Carla. Where are they? "Does anyone come to visit your uncle to help with his work--maybe an old lover of his?"

 

-She looks annoyed.-

Great-Uncle Stanford doesn't like people.

 

Ford frowns. "Well, neither do I, but... some people are better than 'people'. So. Alex and Mason's parents died in a car accident when they were ten and they came to the Falls to live with Carla and Stan. What about your parents?" He is adding up columns of numbers in his head and the results are chillingly ugly. Ford doesn't have time to care about all the horrible things people do to each other, because if you try to help them, they just make you do horrible things, too. But nobody does that sort of thing to his family and gets away with it. Or to any child he has the power to protect; he can't fix the universe, but once in a while he can clean up a mess that's right in front of him. Sometimes it's even fun. People who do terrible things to their kids are sometimes clinically entertaining to watch when they find themselves facing a power as much bigger than they are as they are to their children.

 

We've always lived with Great-Uncle Stanford.

-She sips at her tea casually. This is just a dream. It's fine. She can relax. And besides- besides, it's not like anyone is saying anything bad about Great-Uncle Stanford. Mabel knows he loves them, truly, but it can be hard sometimes. That's all.-

...he says our parents didn't want us.

 

Lissa sits bolt upright in Ford's lap. She doesn't like this. She can feel herself puffing up, and she hates that, because it isn't Mabel's fault.

She's grateful when Ford puts his arm around her shoulder, carefully not touching her spine, and works his fingers into a pressure point or two, drumming the fingers of his other hand on his knee. He doesn't like this, either.

 

"What is it like to live with him?" Ford asks casually. "Do you go to school, or does he teach you? Do you have any friends that you visit?"

 

-She smirks.-

Look, schools couldn't handle us. Great-Uncle Stanford says public schools these days are full of terribly common people learning dreadfully dull things. It's much more interesting to learn from him!

 

Ford grins in spite of himself. "I'm sure that's true. We taught Jezebel at home because the kids were mean about her ears and I got tired of having to scare the bejesus out of them and their rotten parents. And also because elementary school teachers do not appreciate students who can climb walls and walk through them when they are upset." He sighs. "But what about friends?"

 

-Mabel shrugs, slightly uncomfortable.-

Who needs friends when I've got Mason? But that Pacifica isn't completely dull.

 

they are.

 

Alex chuckles. "Pacifica Lalonde lives to annoy the shit out of me," she says, with a sigh. "Fortunately, she's only in Gravity Falls during the summer."

 

"Is your uncle kind to you?" Ford asks after a long moment.

 

Pacifica Northwest is my dearest friend. We have sleepovers!

-Well, Mabel flies up to Pacifica's window and invites herself over, but that's what friends do, right?-

Yes! He loves us very much, you know. And I love him!

 

"My little sister's name is Grenda," Gwendolyn says, making a face.

 

Well obviously we're from very different places, because my Wendy wouldn't be caught dead looking so prissy. You pull it off well though, dear!

 

"Tell me about your magic lessons?" Ford suggests quietly.