shitposting rave 4: (almost) anything goes

do u want the angsty ass villain backstory or the 'bc im gay lol' backstory

 

AH, REGRET MY OLD FRIEND, I KNEW YOU'D SHOW UP SOONER OR LATER.

TM FUCKING I, LADY! ANYWAY, IF YOU WANT LEGITIMATE DATING ADVICE, YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT GUY. FIRSTLY: STOP DATING THE BEFORANS, YOU'RE ALL TRASH FIRES ANYWAY AND IT CLEARLY ISN'T WORKING OUT. OR AT LEAST NOT JUST THE ONES FROM YOUR BUBBLES, ALL YOU'RE DOING IS MAKING A DISGUSTING SOUP OF JEALOUSY AND ANGST, FUELED BY THE FIRES OF IMPOTENT FEEDBACK LOOPS BECAUSE YOU ALL KEEP DOING THE THING.

GO DATE ANOTHER PORRIM OR SOMETHING FOR FUCK'S SAKE, ANYTHING WOULD BE BETTER THAN AN ETERNITY OF PAILING THE SAME ELEVEN PEOPLE

 

wait no

even the angsty ass villain backstory boils down to 'bc im gay lol' just with extra Trauma^TM

 

Can I just curl up and po+nder what life even means instead?

...

...

Wo+w. That's

Well, it's no+t like I haven't co+me to+ that co+nclusio+n at least o+nce befo+re. Yo+u're certainly blunt abo+ut it tho+ugh.

As far as dating ano+ther Po+rrim go+es, I tried that o+nce. Only o+nce. Never again, no+t even as a pitch thing. The o+nly thing mo+re detestable than the apparent o+cean o+f o+ther Cro+nus so+urce po+ints is myself. And no+t in a fun way.

 

ive decided it means avoiding breakups with teenagers i Literally Created

sort of

its complicated aND HES LOOKING AT ME BEEN NICE GOTTA SKIDOOSH

 

*Sniffle.*

 

I feel bo+th perplexed and co+ncerned. Do+ yo+u like want a drink o+r

So+mething. Maybe a snack.

#What do+ we even do+ no+w #Is there even a pro+blem

 

BLUNTNESS COMES FROM YEARS OF WATCHING ME AND MY FRIENDS DO THE EXACT SAME SHIT, OVER AND OVER, AND THE DISTANCE TO GO 'OH MY GOD, I'M A GODDAMN MORON'. SORRY, THOUGH, I GUESS? NEXT TIME I WILL WRAP THE TRUTH IN A FINE GOSSAMER BOW OF NICETIES BEFORE DROPPING IT, BOMB-LIKE, INTO YOUR VICINITY. GIVEN THAT YOU'VE APPARENTLY ALREADY TRIED IT.

ANYWAY, I CAN RELATE. THERE'S ONLY ONE PERSON I'VE EVER HATED ON A SCALE EVEN *REMOTELY* CLOSE TO HOW MUCH I HATE ME, AND HE'S GOT MY BLOOD

 

No+, no+. I like the bluntness, ho+nestly. It's refreshing to+ no+t have to+ pull thro+ugh twenty layers o+f jargo+n and do+ublespeak, yo+u kno+w? Or cat gifs.

So+ many cat gifs.

That aside, yo+u've go+t a furio+us hatred fo+r yo+ur o+ther selves to+o+? Ho+pe yo+u haven't had the same damn fo+o+l idea to+ try and date yo+urself like I did. She just bugs and fusses and meddles so+ much. We all do+. It's maddening and go+es no+where. Urgh.

 

HA! HA HA.

WE DON'T TALK ABOUT MY INTERACTIONS WITH MYSELF.

 

See. That's a go+o+d po+licy. Tho+ugh mine tends to+ be "Be cagey abo+ut it until yo+u feel like divulging, resulting in a to+rrent 'Can yo+u even believe the so+rt o+f perso+n I am, I mean REALLY'".

Yet, there I go+. Keeping with my fussing after peo+ple. It's just what I do+. I give it abo+ut ten seco+nds befo+re I ask if yo+u've had anything to eat to+night.

 

FUSSING IS PROBABLY JUST A MARYAM THING. I MEAN, SAMPLE SIZE OF TWO AND ALL BUT TALKING AND TALKING AND TALKING IS DEFINITELY A VANTAS THING. I'M DOING IT RIGHT NOW!

 

Nilima Mis'rath, no special titles for me. I'm just a dancer and desert guide on Ai-Talas.

 

Heh.

That it seems to+ be. Even o+n Alternia Kankri co+uld talk up a sto+rm, fro+m what I saw. He was better at it there, tho+ugh. As tho+ugh he actually understo+o+d ho+w to+ get thro+ugh to+ peo+ple. Eno+ugh so+ that he co+uld start a mo+vement. One that last well past his death. I certainly fussed a lo+t there to+o+, and I actually DID so+mething.

Or she did. I didn't. I just sat there and watched ano+ther me live. And die. But the po+int is she acco+mplished so+mething.

Wo+w that go+t a bit depressing didn't it? So+rry abo+ut that.

 

Lissa sighs. "Tempted isn't a title, really--just an explanation. My family name was Beijada, but now it isn't really, because I was tempted away. So my family name is Pines, but I'm not the matriarch, that would really have to be Carla!" She smiles. "Try the fish. It's spicy, but very good."

 

"Intersectionality, dude. Do you even know what it is?" Gwendolyn sighs, shaking her head. "There are many different kinds of privilege and oppression and they all suck, and based on who you are and where you come from you get assigned a specific combination. You can't just say there's only one kind that matters!"

"I actually haven't met another me yet. But I hear she's basically a lumberjack, which is kind of cool, because I used to sneak out and do stuff like that. The Northwests aren't supposed to, you know."

"That's intersectionality," says Gwendolyn. "And also, you seem pretty lively to me. We thought Aunt Lissa was dead, but it turns out she was just stuck in a liminal space."

"That seems like kind of a weird sort of power imbalance--you probably shouldn't date people who depend on you for their existence. I hope it all works out for you!"

 

A wo+rd that isn't in his vo+cabulary. Except when it is. Alo+ng with abo+ut 69000000 mo+re.

And, no+. I'm pretty dead. Amazingly so+. I'm a gho+st. Yet even with that and the who+le being undead prio+r to+ undeath thing I'm no+t as dead as I co+uld be. Had I go+ne go+dtier that wo+uld have been ano+ther death. There's also+ the who+le "Co+uld be lasered into+ no+n-existence" issue that had been lo+o+ming abo+ve me.

Or still is?

Time things are weird. I've lo+st track o+f where I am o+r when o+r even why, ho+nestly.

 

YEAH, WELL, LOOK WHAT IT GOT HIM. A PUBLIC EXECUTION AND A LEGACY MAINTAINED BY RELIGIOUS WACKADOODLES WITH THEIR CULT, NO THANKS.

"DEPRESSING" IS SORT OF A PERPETUAL STATE OF BEING FOR ME. I OOZE DEPRESSING FROM EVERY PORE OF MY CURSED MEAT HUSK. DEPRESSING IS THE SLIME WITHIN WHICH I WALLOW, THE VERY POLLUTED AIR THAT I BREATHE. SOME MAY TELL YOU THAT I MEAN "ANGRY" INSTEAD. THEY ARE UNFORTUNATELY WRONG

 

Least it was mo+re than what we managed. Which was a lo+t o+f ado+lescent drama and refusing to+ do+ things. My excuse was "Ho+w dare yo+u make me Maid o+f Space, game". No+t a go+o+d o+ne in retro+spect, but there yo+u go+. Yo+u learn lesso+ns the hard way, and have to+ figure o+ut ho+w do+ a do+ o+ver while having a whirlwind ro+mance with a Serket.

And I can see why peo+ple wo+uld say angry? Yo+u're mo+re than a little excitable. Lo+ud to+o+. That's no+t a bad thing, tho+ugh. I find it a bit hard that they do+n't catch o+n to+ the depressing bit, tho+ugh.

Yo+u seem like yo+u need so+meo+ne to+ really hash things o+ut with. Maybe give yo+u an anno+yingly po+sitive pep talk. That so+rt o+f deal. I'm mo+re than up to+ it if yo+u ever need it. I'm the queen o+f sickeningly po+sitive pep talks and so+ft, plush thro+w pillo+ws arranged in piles.

 

Wow. How About You Suck My Fucking Bulge. Your Holyness.