shitposting rave 4: (almost) anything goes

*PHWEEEEEEEET.*

I w9uld appreciate it if y9u did n9t pu6licly refer t9 y9urself with slurs, 9r at the very least pr9vided a trigger warning s9 th9se listening were n9t metaph9rically slapped in the face with a vi9lent w9rd that has c9ntri6uted t9 sweeps 9f warm6l99d 9ppressi9n. While I understand the need t9 reclaim slurs f9r an emp9wered use, this d9es n9t change the fact that "p*ss6l99d" still is used as a slur and c9uld 9ffend 9r distress s9me9ne when used unchecked.

 

Hate The Sin Love The Sinner Or Something.
[She pokes him again]
The Coffees Extremely Good, Dogbreath Makes The Best Coffee.

[She stares him right in the eye]
Pissblooded, Third Rate Joke Buzzer, Battery Pan, Mustard Cullbait, Lowblood Zapper, Lususfodder-

 

Additi9nally, the c9ntinued t9uching 9f a l9udly n9nc9nsenting party is pr96lematic at 6est and can 6e la6eled as assault at w9rst. I w9uld like t9 p9litely ask y9u t9 cease t9uching Karkat, as it clearly distresses him and he has asked y9u t9 st9p multiple times. Please respect his right t9 69dily aut9n9my.

 

The second part wasn't scripture. Also, best coffee north of the Mives river.
(Oneira grins and offers him a mug.)

 

I Can Start Poking You Instead.

 

That's awfully tone-policing of you, isn't it.

 

Please refrain fr9m physical c9ntact with me.

 

[... She summons a long stick to poke him with]

 

I SAID D9N'T FUCKING T9UCH ME.

 

[he bites the offending hand. maturity what]

WELL, IT WAS CLOSE ENOUGH THAT IT TRICKED ME AND MY HORRIBLE CURSE.

THANKS, I GUESS, YOU WEIRD FANATIC

[he takes the mug]

...IF I DRINK THIS AM I FULFILLING ANY OF YOUR FUCKED-UP PROPHECIES? YOU HAVE TO TELL ME FIRST

 

(There is a strange glimmer in her eyes. She speaks in complete deadpan.)
Oh no, you got me. The Signless foretold that his descendant would accept the young olive coffee brewer's cup, but grow suspicious before drinking it. The prophecy has been fulfilled. All Hail.

 

WOW, LOOK AT THAT, THE HOLY MIDDLE FINGER APPEARS AGAIN. COULD IT BE A SIGN?

 

Not Touching You.

... You Do Know I Consider This A Blessing Right. I Hope You Bit Hard Enough To Scar. Leave A Holy Mark On Me.
[She is torn between looking grossed out at herself and winking. The resulting facial expression is.... weird...]

 

ST9P IT.

 

(Oneira places the palms of her hands together as if in prayer, closes her eyes, and bows)
You even brought the silver platter on which you served yourself up for that, what can I do but accept?

 

AUGH
WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET THE MEANING OF "DON'T TOUCH ME" THROUGH YOUR PAN? DID YOU STAY OUT DURING THE DAY OR SOMETHING? TOAST YOUR SKULL? I HAVE TRIED SIMPLY COMMUNICATING THE LEVEL OF DO NOT WANT, I HAVE TRIED VIOLENCE, WHAT OPTION IS LEFT TO ME, A MERE MORTAL WITH A HAND-ME-DOWN CULT?!

I HOPE THE SCAR FORMS IN MY SCOWLING IMAGE, FOREVER A REMINDER THAT NO I ACTUALLY DON'T LIKE BEING POKED OR PRODDED OR JABBED OR ANY OTHER NUMBER OF THINGS ONE COULD DO WITH AN ERRANT FROND AND NOT A WHOLE LOT OF GOOD SENSE

YOU'RE LUCKY I APPARENTLY SEEM TO ENJOY TORMENTING MYSELF INSTEAD OF JUST LEAVING LIKE A NORMAL PERSON. ARE YOU ALWAYS LIKE THIS OR ARE YOU JUST GETTING THE VAPORS FROM MY UNDERSTANDABLY AWE-INSPIRING PRESENCE?

..THAT WAS SARCASM. I AM JUST A VERY LOUD DUDE

 

Im n9t a "vwhat".

 

I Refuse.

[She holds her hand up in surrender, grinning]
Actually Yeah I Did Stay Out During The Day Like Once. Okay Maybe More Than Once.
I Can Be Mature About This Though. Sometimes.

Doki Doki.
[Said in a completely deadpan manner]

 

Ford sucks air through his teeth, looking horrified. "That guy?"

"Not all of yours are winners either." Ford's expression has soured considerably, though it's mostly due to the realisation that some alternate universe version of Kankri was the guy he got mistaken for, and while he does own too many red sweaters and he does have shackle burns on his wrists, he has never, ever, EVER worn pants like that and he never will.

"...you?" Ford's eyes go wide and then he just starts laughing, helplessly, and prays that Chroma won't bite him or something.

"Fuck, yes."

 

Ford buries his face in his hands. "This is too stupidly ironic for words. It's not just because she thinks I'm you, it's because she thinks you might be him?"