shitposting rave 4: (almost) anything goes

"It's the pet thing," says Mabel. She sighs. "Not that Ma'Vali doesn't eat any cute animals, because she eats bunnies all the time, but..." Mabel shrugs. "I've just resigned myself to not having a rabbit."

 

I am okay with that. Just... well, I'm basing my assessment on my past experience with being bothered by people kissing other people.

And well... a genie can dream, can't he?

 

There you go, then.

 

"She wouldn't eat your pet?"

 

[disdainful sniff] He's kind of a bore, really.

 

"No, of course not. But if I had a bunny, he or she couldn't be friends with any of the other bunnies around our house. Because they don't come near here much. Because we have traps. And thylacines." Mabel shrugs.

 

Mabel laughs. "I think you like him. Just not that way. Like if you could be pitch and still be platonic."

 

Norm.

Yeah.

 

What does pitch have to do with anything?

 

Ah. My apologies, then. Pets aren't... terribly common where I live, and tend to have ethics issues when they do crop up. [She snorts a little, ears tilting back.] Not that I'd expect any better of Nova's descendants, but...

...But, well, you don't need that history lesson, do you? In any case, truly sorry if I've contributed to your upset at all-- my first instinct is to document rather than to pass judgement. I've a bit of a soft spot for organic zoology.

 

I SEE WE ARE TALKING ROMANCE! I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE TWO FURRIES, BUT I CAN ELUCIDATE PITCH FOR YOU.

 

Mabel laughs. "Pitch is when someone annoys you SO MUCH that you just want to kiss them all over THEIR STUPID FACE."

 

I'm hurt, really. After all we've been through together, Mistoffelees, after all of it. After every one of your performances I've been to, the most you can describe my particularly unique form of annoyance as is "kind of a bore"?

 

Norm! I'm sure I'll remember it eventually, but until then I have to apologise once more. I'm better with faces than names.

 

Just please don't call me "Worm." That's all I ask.

 

it really, really isnt.

 

You went to one because there was free food.

And, unique as it may be, you must admit it's somewhat predictable! If I want you to leave something alone I offer it to you, if I want to distract you with something else I tell you that I'll be angry if you touch it. Formulaic, really.

 

DID YOU LEARN THAT AT DUMMY SCHOOL, WHICH IS FOR DUMMIES? IF MY KISMESIS TOLD ME THEY WANTED TO KISS ALL OVER MY STUPID FACE, I WOULD PROMPTLY EMPTY MY BILESACK ALL OVER THEIRS AND THEN DROP THEM LIKE A HOT TUBER TO THE COLD, LONELY PAVEMENT OF SINGLETOWN BELOW.

I SEE IF I'M GOING TO EXPLAIN HATE TO YOU PEOPLE I'LL HAVE TO START AT THE VERY BASICS.

 

First of all, please inform your caterer that the fish was clearly yesterday's half-spoiled catch from the market on the pier.

Second of all, I think you'll find my independent spirit can't be tamed, much like those wild whiskers of yours.

 

aint that either.

can vwe make a blanket rule that grubs and aliens arent allowved to explain kismesissitude.