shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

[Congrats, babby Norm, via rave magic and Thunders' sheer Distress at anyone not being fed you are now surrounded by a mountain of food. This is mostly food that could be seen on early 2000s television, so you may or may not recognize all of it, but it's there.]

 

There's more than one world!!! Do people order you around and not feed you here too?? [Distress bug!!!]

 

Thanks!

*he takes a cautious look about and settles on the most familiar-looking food he can find first to eat*

Nah. Not as much as they do in the other place, anyway. But nothing that happens here makes my life any better when I leave, and some people here are mean too. Like... that one guy who is also several other similar guys that everyone but Spikes Guy hates.

 

I TAKE MULTIPLE ISSUES WITH THIS STATEMENT. ONE, ARE WE EVEN ON A PLANET RIGHT NOW??? I'M PRETTY SURE WE'RE NOT, SINCE I DON'T THINK THIS IS PROSPIT (THOUGH I GUESS I WOULDN'T KNOW THAT MUCH ABOUT IT)! THIS IS MORE LIKE...A FUCKBUBBLE OF ETERNAL TORMENT.

TWO, IF SOMETHING IS BAD ENOUGH IT CAN ABSOLUTELY RUIN A WHOLE PLANET AND STILL ONLY BE ~ONE BAD THING.~ KIND OF LIKE HOW ONE PATCH OF MOLD ON YOUR DELICIOUS DINNER CAN RUIN THE WHOLE MEAL. OR, HELL, I DUNNO WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF ANALOGIES WOULD WORK HERE. ONE RUSTED-THROUGH CONNECTION CAN BREAK AN ENTIRE MACHINE? WHATEVER, I'M NOT GOING TO DANCE A VERBAL GODDAMN JIG TO EXPLAIN MYSELF, I'VE ALREADY PRATTLED ON LONG E-FUCKING-NOUGH.

 

[Fussgrooming the smol while he's eating would be rude! So Thunders kneads at the ground instead. Whatever it's made of, it goes squish under his claws in a very soothing way.] I don't think I've met any of those guys. But can you not leave where you are when you're awake? If your handlers don't even feed you you should eat them!!! Then Command will give you better handlers. Or you can just leave while there's no one to be the boss.

I eat mold!! But I understand what you're trying to say? And that is a reason to fix things!!! Or just move on to a different planet.

 

I can't. I'm attached to my lamp, magically. And I can't kill my masters while they are my masters, 'cause of the same kind of magic. And if I did, it wouldn't matter anyway 'cause someone else would replace them soon after. And I don't think there's a Command. Or, at least, if there is a Command, it's way too high up and weird for me to even recognize as one. And when there's no one to be boss, I'm just stuck in my lamp, unable to get out.

 

VILE!

AND, BUDDY, LET ME TELL YOU! IF I COULD HAVE NORMAL DREAMS AGAIN INSTEAD OF THIS SLAPSTICK SHITSHOW, I WOULD ALREADY BE GONE. IT WOULD JUST BE ME, PROBABLY A COUPLE OTHER MES, AND WHATEVER HORRENDOUS BUT PREDICTABLE HELL CIRCUS MY PAN COOKED UP FOR ME. (YES, HAR HAR, PAN COOK. I KNOW WHAT I SAID, EAT SHIT)

 

[Distressed chirping!!] Where are you?? We'll come steal you and make the magic stop being mean!!!! [He has no fucking clue what magic is, but clearly it Must Be Stopped.]

You can leave here if you want though???

 

... I dunno. Not in your universe, I think. Definitely not on your planet.

 

I'm not on a planet!!! But we will find your universe if we have to!!

 

... but, how, though?

 

OH, SURE, MAYBE YOU CAN. I, HOWEVER, AM UNIQUELY BAD AT EVERYTHING AND CAN'T LEAVE UNLESS I WAKE UP. IT'S FINE, THOUGH! IT'S NOT LIKE I SLEEP ENOUGH FOR IT TO REALLY MATTER.

 

So, for you, this place is like my lamp but with no masters involved?

 

I dunno. Stream and Wires are smart, they'll figure it out.

[Why is he surrounded by tiny distressed people?? Concerned clicky noises probably sound disgustingly pale and/or lususlike.] I hope you find ways to wake yourself up then!! And also that you're getting enough sleep, recharge is important...

 

Yeah, but... I get the impression that multiverse stuff is a whole new level of tricky. And I don't think anyone remembers this place when they're out of it.

 

[She is sitting on a keg of SOMETHING, looking like she's planning shit.]
Sleep Is For The Weak.

 

Glow does!! And I do if someone reminds me when I'm awake!! There are places where the universe is all twisty anyway, we can probably sneak through the Benzuli Expanse or something!!

 

YES! LIKE MY BROTHER SANS! HE HAS ONLY ONE HP AND HE SLEEPS FOR EIGHT HOURS! AT NIGHT! AND DURING THE DAY TOO! IT'S RIDICULOUS!

 

We are not going anywhere near the Benzuli Anomaly, do you want us all to die messily? And why is there a pile of organic food, this is the most nonsensical dream I've had in a while.

 

Really?

Cool.

I'm still not sure if it'll work, though. There is an older me here, after all, and I don't think he got saved by you guys.