shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

NO FUCKING CLUE, DUDE, I WASN'T LISTENING TO YOUR WHOLE THING. I'M KIND OF A ONE-TRACK SHITHEAD!

[the gas mask is gone, and his expression is a mixture of offended and horrified]

I'M, LIKE, AN ADULT? I KNOW HOW MUCH SLEEP I DON'T NEED, THANK YOU VERY FUCKING MUCH, AND I'M PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF SITTING IN THE CORNER AND SULKING UNTIL I EVENTUALLY WAKE UP. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO REASON TO SPOIL MY NIGHTLY THREE JUST BECAUSE SOME WEIRDO WAS PRESSING MY NUMEROUS AND UNAVOIDABLE TANTRUM BUTTONS.

CORRECT.

[looks suspiciously at the keg and says nothing. fuck no, not opening that can of dirt noodles]

 

No! But he was hungry and he's trapped and his handlers don't even feed him!!! Please please please Glow?? Maybe not the Expanse if you're scared of it but there's gotta be some way we can help him!!

You said there was another guy who was actually a bunch of different guys, though? Maybe there's a bunch of different yous and we save you but didn't know about the older other-you!!

 

Yeah. Yeah. That could be possible. But if that Benzuli thing sounds dangerous and well... I don't think I'm worth taking that kinda risk for.

 

Who The Fuck Are You And Why Should I Care.

[She mimes double pistols at him, face completely blank. Daring him to say something.]

 

I'm not scared of it, our chances of surviving an encounter with that place are just slim to none. I'm all for jailbreaks, just not futile attempts at such that end halfway through because we all get ourselves killed in transit. We can see what there is to be found about interuniversal travel now that Shockwave's gone and fragged everything again when we wake up, how does that sound?

 

PAPYRUS UCHIHA! WHERE IS MY BROTHER SANS? TELL ME OR U WILL GO TO THE SHED OF JAIL!

 

But--!

...kay. It'll be the one good thing he ever did if there is, but.

...hey, what's your name anyway? Uh, floaty little teal guy?

 

[he narrows his eyes and looks to be physically holding in a comment about it. age sure hasn't made it easier to keep his mouth shut, but it has made him more determined not to fall for shit like this. sort of. three, two...]

OKAY, FUCK ME I GUESS. CURIOSITY KILLED THE MEOWBEAST AND SATISFACTION BEAT IT OVER THE HEAD WITH A BLUNT INSTRUMENT AND ALL THAT! PRAY TELL, WHAT *DO* YOU HAVE IN THERE?

 

Okay!! I just-- you don't sound very happy?

 

Gesundheit.
Are You Sure You Want To Put Me In Any Building You Want To Keep?

 

It's okay, it's okay, you really don't have to do this for me!

And I'm Norm. Norm the Genie.

 

WHY WOULDN'T I WANT TO PUT U IN A BUILDING I WANT TO KEEP? DO U STEAL BUILDINGS?

 

[She grins. Ohhhh how smug she is]
You Get A Clue And Three Guesses.
It Fizzes. In The Beginning.

 

Norm! Okay! I'm Thunderwing!! And I don't have to but I really want to, you said you can't get out yourself and no one should be stuck somewhere they can't even get food!!!!

 

..... Thats One Way To Put It Yes.

 

... well, I guess. But I don't think Pink Guy there wants to help you and it sounds like you need him for this.

 

WOWIE! I'VE NEVER MET AN EDIFICE THIEF BEFORE!

 

NO SHIT. TRULY YOU ARE THE WISEST DETECTIVE OF YOUR AGE. UNHAPPY IS MY DEFAULT SETTING, BUT I'LL BE LESS MAD ONCE YOU STOP FLIRTING WITH ME IN THE WORST, MOST LUSUS-LIKE MANNER POSSIBLE.

[he flips her off]

IF IT'S CLOWN ELIXIR I'M NEVER SPEAKING TO YOU AGAIN. THAT IS A LIE, I'VE JUST PROVEN I'M PHYSICALLY INCAPABLE OF NOT RUNNING MY TRAP AT ANYONE WHO STANDS STILL FOR MORE THAN FIVE CONSECUTIVE SECONDS, BUT EVERY CONVERSATION WE HAVE WILL BE TINGED WITH THE DARK AND FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU BROUGHT JUGGALO JUICE IN HERE

 

If it's too dangerous for us to make an attempt, I'm certainly not going to let him charge headlong into certain death. But I'm weak to Thunderwing's pleading, and personally opposed to forced servitude besides. If it's at all possible to safely free you-- and I mean safe for you and for us, I have no idea how your magic or the lamp's works-- I'm willing to give it a try.

And my name is Afterglow.

 

Flirting??? Is being worried about someone flirting where you're from???? I wasn't trying to flirt, I'm bad at that.