shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

Hi, Afterglow.

Sorry for causing you all this trouble...

 

Its A Spectacle To Watch, Thats For Sure

[She snickers]
No Thats Not It.

 

COULD YOU PLEASE DEMONSTRATE IT FOR ME? PLEASE! I WANT TO SEE!

 

[Gently:] You're not causing trouble. Even if I considered a logistics challenge "trouble," it's neither your fault that you're trapped in an untenable situation nor that my conjunx and I want to help you escape. Consider it a debt paid, if that helps-- someone once helped me escape a similar situation, albeit not across universal boundaries.

 

[She summons a relatively basic shed in an unoccupied corner. The shed explodes.]
Behold.

 

Huh. Okay. If you're sure.

 

THAT'S BUILDING-EXPLODING, NOT BUILDING-STEALING, SILLY!

 

IT WAS LESS THE WORRY AND MORE THE EXPLICIT "OOH BBY LET ME TAKE CARE OF YOU" VOCALIZATIONS YOU WERE INITIALLY SPOUTING. BUT SINCE YOU ASKED, LET'S TALK ABOUT ROMANCE!

TROLLS--A SPECIES OF WHICH I AM OBVIOUSLY A MEMBER--DO FOUR FLAVORS OF ROMANCE. OR AT LEAST, THAT'S OUR DEFAULT? I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU WORK, BUT HOW APPARENTLY MOST HUMANS CARE IMMENSELY ABOUT GENDER. TROLLS CARE IMMENSELY ABOUT HAVING PARTNERS IN ALL OF OUR QUADRANTS.

[he holds up four fingers and looks to have brightened somewhat]

THEY CAN BE DIVIDED IN GROUPS OF TWO. MATESPRITSHIP AND MOIRALLEGIANCE ARE FLUSHED, MEANING THEY INVOLVE PITY. AUSPISTICISM AND KISMESSITUDE ARE BLACK, MEANING THEY INVOLVE HATE. MATESPRITSHIP AND KISMESSITUDE ARE CONCUPISCENT, SO THOSE ARE THE ONES THAT ARE DIRECTLY INVOLVED IN REPRODUCTION. MOIRALLEGIANCE AND AUSPISTICISM ARE CONCILIATORY--THEY KEEP YOUR EMOTIONS REGULATED.

YOU WERE SENDING DISTINCT PALE OVERTURES, WHICH IS THE CONCILIATORY FLUSHED QUADRANT. YOU ALSO SOUNDED A LITTLE BIT LIKE A LUSUS, WHICH IS THE LARGE ANIMAL THAT RAISES TROLLS. IT WAS KIND OF GROSS, DON'T DO IT AGAIN.

IS IT EXPLOSIVES WHICH WILL SURELY KILL WHATEVER SPARE DREAMSELF THIS IS THAT I HAD LYING AROUND, FREEING ME AT LONG LAST?

 

I am quite sure, I promise.

 

Okay But Consider: You Dont Have The Building Anymore And I Took Control Of Its State In Your Stead, Without Your Consent. Took Possession Of It So To Speak.

 

Half Right. Explosives Are Involved.

 

...I'm a Scout. Bringing resources to make sure everyone's happy and safe is what I-- what I'm supposed to do. I don't know what a gender is? But if you want me to not make worried noises at you I can stop.

 

BUT U CREATED THAT SHED YOURSELF! MY SHED IS A DIFFERENT SHED AND I STILL OWN IT!

 

Okay. Make A Shed Then.

 

WHAT, IT'S HALF-FULL OF EXPLOSIVES OR SOMETHING? I GIVE UP, THERE IS NO WAY THIS CAN END WELL JUST GIVEN WHAT LITTLE I KNOW.

OH, JESUS. YOU'RE A *PROSTITUTE?* FINALLY SOMETHING MAKES SENSE, SORT OF.

YES, PLEASE, I OPT AS FAR OUT OF THE HOOKUP PILE AS IS POSSIBLE. I'M NOT INTERESTED.

 

I Wanted To See What Happens When You Mix Pulver Explosives And Champagne And Its Not Drinkable But You Can Set Glasses Of The Shit On Fire To Explode And Its Hilarious.

 

*a crudely drawn version of papyrus' shed appears*

*it looks like it was made in mspaint and compressed multiple times, leaving a lot of jpeg artifacts*

*it is also covered in the word ERROR in all caps*

 

[She snaps her fingers and it explodes]

 

No, that would be me, but by all means please keep making assumptions. You're not invited to the pile anyway.

 

[Fussgroom the husbando! At last, someone large and sturdy enough for him to pet without squishing.] He doesn't mean like that!