shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

[Gleeful cackling]

 

"They attempted to break down the interstitium between their dimension and mine," says Ford. "Among other things. Trying to murder Lissa is another of their hobbies."

 

*sighs* Oh. Right. Bill shit. Of course.

 

Dude. What kinda partner do you think I am. I already said gore's not my thing.

Spoiler: nsfw

Insertion doesn't gotta be involved, I'm used to working around that anyway. I've got hands and a mouth, and plenty of ways to hear "over here" or "not doing anything for me".

 

[Headtilts]
The rules of negotiations are as they are. Everyone engages in the game in full understanding or pays the prize of ignorance. It is ancient and sacred and not paying your debts is the gravest sin of all.

 

That stuff may be a game to you guys, but it's not to humans. And not to me. We have to live in the world, after all, even though you don't.

 

No one has to summon. No one is forced to deal with our kind. But when you do, you accept that deals are deals, and negotiations may be lethal. It's a dance. Leaving an opening gets you eaten. Leaving an opening that lets us be corporate for longer means you had to be trying or incredibly incompetent.
Or... I guess a sentimental fool.
[They look a bit sad]

 

"It wasn't like that. That's a situation I know how to handle. This...wasn't." Ford sighs, shaking his head.

 

Durapror: "...I am the Head Captain of Guild Arnbjörg. I serve my comrades first, and my employers second—whoever they might be. Currently, Guild Arnbjörg is under the employ of the Grand Duchy of High Lagaard. I am unsure what manner of knight I would be considered. A knight of kinship, perhaps? Of bonds? Of blood? I do not know of what else you speak of. The only man I know of who died in a cocoon will not be returning to this world at all, let alone in some strange nightwear."


Uror: "If we're all getting fancy nightgowns, does mine come with a codpiece? It would surely make late nights at the inn full of so much more merriment!"


Dainn: "I'm gonna do us all a favor and veto this. I don't even care that I'm not the one with the authority to do so."


Uror: "Awww, you're no fun, Dainn!"

 

How so?
If someone is a dealbreaker we have to know. We will not suffer dishonor.

 

1) I DON'T CARE WHAT KIND OF PARTNER YOU ARE, WAS MY OBLIQUE REFERENCE NOT CLEAR

2) OVERBLOWN AND GROTESQUE IMAGERY IS HOW I OPERATE, I DID NOT AND DO NOT SINCERELY THINK YOU'D MURDER DAVE. DO I NEED TO MINCE MY WORDS INTO A MORE EASILY DIGESTIBLE FORM, OR ARE YOU CATCHING MY DRIFT? LET ME JUST PREP A SPEECH LAYING MY PERSONAL INFORMATION BARE, THAT I CAN COPYPASTA EVERY TIME SOMEONE TAKES DAVE'S RIDICULOUS HOOFBEASTSHIT AT FACE VALUE. I HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO WITH MY TIME!

 

Yeah, well, your kind is entirely capable of tricking humans. Making them do stuff they wouldn't do if they knew what was really going on. And that happens to smart humans, not just idiots.

 

Dude, you two are obviously friends, I'm just tryna cover my bases.

 

im swooning but calm down
all this posturing and youre gonna break something and you cant just off yourself and enjoy your new body hot off the presses
think of the consequences
i cant wait on you hand and foot while youre on bedrest for popping a rage hernia over something this stupid

 

D --> How do I block someone in here

 

CORRECT. ANYWAY, KEEP YOUR BASES AND THE COVERINGS YOU SLAP ON TOP--

--FFFFFFFFINE. OK. MY SHIT IS DECIDELY UNFLIPPED, AND HERE I GO PUTTING THE LID BACK ON MY TANTRUM JAR. BEHOLD! IT IS AS IF IT NEVER WAS

 

But have you considered: Patriarchal Fluids

 

D --> Why

 

[Hands up, palms up-- no weapons here, not fighting, look how nonthreatening this little (15-foot-tall) medic is.] Awright, stepping off, I hear ya loud an' clear.

 

you can be a knight of blood yeah i cant tell you if you ARE or not but karkats one and he loves getting misty eyed about how much he loves his friends
gay

anyway the codpiece is giving me terrible memories of ominous honks and a fridge without swords in it so im going to stop you right there before i do a couple backflips off the handle and land next to karkat in conniption village

hahahaha oh MAN equius my sweaty dude
you cant block me i am here in the flesh
flesh not terribly unlike the teat from which you obtain your guardians secretions