shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

[ah, the regret. it is nigh instantaneous]

NO, FUCK, I. IT'S FINE? AS LONG AS YOU'RE JUST FUCKING AROUND. "NO INNUENDO AROUND ME" WOULD BE A STUPID RULE AND I DON'T WANT TO SOUND LIKE THE STICK UP MY CHUTE IS CHAFING MORE THAN ONE WOULD ASSUME.

DAVE'S RIGHT, THERE'S NO POINT GIVING MYSELF STRESS ULCERS BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T USED TO HIS PARTICULAR FORM OF STUPIDITY. AND IT'S NOT LIKE I OWN HIM OR CONTROL WHAT HE DOES! SO. YES. I AM DONE HAVING MY WIGGLER FIT AND WILL HENCEFORTH RELEGATE MY HISTRIONICS TO THE APPROPRIATE PRIVATE CHAT INSTEAD OF YELLING AT A STRANGER FOR NOT MAGICALLY DISCERNING WHAT HE MEANT.

YELLING NATURALLY BEING RELATIVE, BECAUSE FUCK IF I'M SUDDENLY GOING TO DEVELOP AN "INDOOR VOICE." I'M PRETTY SURE THOSE ARE A MYTHICAL BEAST ONLY THE PURE OF HEART CAN GLIMPSE UNDER THE LIGHT OF A SINGLE MOON, IF IT DEEMS YOU PURE OF PUSHER. AND MY PUSHER OOZES SLUDGE IN MORE THAN ONE WAY

 

"The individual in question was not from your sort of hierarchy. And we had a rather irregular relationship. They were a partner in a series of experiments...at first."

 

Durapror (blushing): "...Well, yes. I admittedly feel a great toward of affection toward my friends. Aside from a few of us who have siblings, none of us have any family outside of the guild. We are all orphans. They are all my family, and I care deeply for them."
Durapror: "..."
Durapror: "..."
Durapror: "...You may or may not be correct in your second assumption."


Veroandi: "..?"


Uror: "D'aww! Our stoic protector cant hide how much of a big 'ol softie she is, eh?"

Uror: "Eh? Shouldn't the fridge be scarier when it had swords in it?"


Kormt: "In this case, I have a dreadful feeling that it might be better not to know what was in the fridge. In fact, I sense a curse at work. Stranger—may I call you Dave?"
Kormt: "Even as an experienced hexer, the magic at work is entirely foreign to me. But I sense the effects of a malevolent curse behind your words. Is there anyone in your world whose powers resemble those of a hexer, such as I? If so, did this person—or entity—ever make an attempt to possess you, or anyone close to you? Or is that a different curse at work?
Kormt: "I...I apologize if I am being overwhelming. My ilk are cursed folk. We are gifted with the ability to see into the abyss, as well as the ways by which we might exploit it, but it comes at a heavy cost."

 

D --> Human skin is not that similar to the skin of a lusus
D --> It is sweat that glistens in your pores when you perspire, not milk

 

"Blood is my element," Lissa says quietly. "But I would be a witch, I think, as you reckon it."

 

I mean, it was a valid offer? If he wants to take me for a spin I'm game, my 'junxes don't mind me playing around. But nah, I ain't gonna hound either'a you about it, we're cool.

 

ahahaha weve got a live one here boys
good luck on your rainbow journey i salute you

no you can only call me pimp daddy douchebag
yeah call me dave its my name thats what id prefer people call me (shock awe) as opposed to most other things unless theyre exceptionally hilarious and my standards are pretty goddamn high

the fridge i guess is cursed in a way
fridges
full of bad things
thats really all there is to say on the matter

ok what
are you saying your dad is not only a gross humanoid horse creature but ALSO sweats fucking milk

im gonna have to stop time and give myself an hour or seven to process this
no wonder youre so fucking weird i finally understand its like ive realized the totally obvious solution to the zelda puzzle ive been working on for two weeks
and now im left feeling both glad to learn and stupid for not realizing sooner

sick theres a whole bunch of you in here huh

karkat come bond with your bretheren

while i appreciate the offer and im sure youre a big (very big) strong guy whod certainly claim that fucking peral in the most salacious yet somehow tender of ways
im pretty much always yanking peoples chains when i say stuff like that

aunt viv has yanked me off the playground and trapped me in her frou frou mansion for the forseeable future

 

D --> You specifically compared your flesh to that of Aurthour's udders
D --> You have brought this misunderstanding upon yourself

 

Ford grins. "Isn't it just amazing how many things some people think are impossible turn out to be not particularly difficult when people communicate and pay attention to one another? It's one thing not to feel attraction outside one's own species, but when people assert that it can't be done safely, I start to wonder if they're safe partners for anyone."

After a moment he sighs. "Sorry, Karkat-- I'm sure you and Dave are fine. I've just heard some incredibly stupid things from people who just can't accept that if I find someone's mind and personality sexy, I can't be bothered to care what species they are."

 

are you saying his UDDERS sweat milk

a nipple is not a fucking pore and i certainly hope hes not made out of some meaty mesh through which his milk seeps

 

Awright, gotcha, off the table. [Lazy salute]

Eh, lack of imagination ain't the same as being unsafe. Xeno's not everyone's game, my species is just used to working around a bunch of different builds.

 

YES, BECAUSE DAVE AND I ARE CLEARLY THE SAME SPECIES AND I AM A RAMPAGING XENOPHOBE, OUT TO GET ALL THOSE NAUGHTY BASTARDS WHO DARE DO THINGS OUTSIDE OF THE NORM. BECAUSE THAT COULD NEEEEVER BE A GROUP I'M PART OF

ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND.

[he sounds exasperated but not particularly upset]

WHATEVER, IT'S FINE, WE'RE FINE, I'M FINE. I'M PRETTY SURE YOU DIDN'T ACTUALLY MEAN IT LIKE THAT, AND I WAS BEING A REAL PUS-OOZING CROTCHDEMON, SO

 

*wink wonk* How about inside the Norm, if you know what I mean?

 

Did he not literally just say he didn't want people flirting at him? Flirt at me if you gotta get it out but like. Dude. Boundaries.

 

IT WOULD BE AN HONOR TO PERSONALLY INTRODUCE MY SICKLE TO YOUR INSIDES, YES!

 

... oops. I guess that didn't register. Sorry. *sighs*

Sorry. I won't do it again.

 

I mean, maybe I've just got practice at listening through bluster for the actual slag being defended? Cause like-- [he gestures at the Decepticon badge on his chest--] emotional honesty what emotional honesty, no discussion of boundaries we die fighting over vague agreements like High Command, but. This whole mess started 'cause he thought I was for-real flirting, is the line really so easy to miss?

 

thanks man gimme some
[holds out his fist for a bunp. yes it is impractical, no he does not care. a man needs his bunps]

anyway yeah joking is fine or whatever because god knows if i wanted to keep myself from acting like a fuckin twelve year old who just realized he can swear without getting caught
well
itd be a herculean task

im just not up for ACTUAL grabs much to the despair of the screaming masses prostrate before me
someone flings their panties at me
i fling them back without a second glance

 

Yeah. I guess it is.

 

IT'S FINE, MAN. THE ALLURE OF OBNOXIOUS WORDPLAY IS SOMETHING I CAN RELATE TO, AS I'M SURE IS MORE THAN APPARENT.

PERSONALLY I'M MOST OFFENDED AT THE **UNBELIEVABLE** IMPLICATION THAT A SINGLE WORD THAT COMES OUT OF MY MOUTH IS ANYTHING LESS THAN A VITAL INFORMATION NUGGET IN MY SENTENCE-PUZZLE. WHO WOULD EVEN DARE SAY SOMETHING AS CLEARLY BASELESS AS THAT?? I'M GOING TO FALL OVER AND DIE FROM HOW HURTFUL THIS ACCUSATION IS

I WILL MY CORPSE TO WHOEVER WON'T EAT IT