shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

[A very careful bunp!] I gotcha. No grabs here, I can just go grab someone who's actually up for it instead, no paint off my plating.

Huh. Goes to show what culture'll mess with, I guess.

 

Not it, I've got a bug to feed :P

 

*light laugh* It sure is.

 

dibs dibs dibs your corpse is mine
im gonna put it in a jar

yesssssss
go yoink yourself a supple young autobot and paint your scandal across the stars i believe in you

 

Durapror: "...A rainbow journey, you would call it? That does seem like a sensible way to put it. I suppose we all have our own personal Etrian Odysseys to go through. Or High Lagaardian Odysseys, in Kerlaugr's and Voluspa's cases, though it doesn't have the same ring to it. Thank you for your support, regardless."


Veroandi: "Hey Dura, does a rainbow journey have to do with rainbow colored sweets, or does it have to do with some other kind of sweet, colorful, and pretty, thing?"


Durapror: "...Y-yes, Veroandi. You could certainly say that it has to do with something very sweet, very colorful, and very pretty."


Veroandi: "Whoa, really?! That sounds awesome, you'll have to take me along on this rainbow journey sometime!"


Durapror: "...Y-yes. O-of course, 'Andi. There's no kind of journey I'd like to go on without my favorite medic.

Kormt: "Very well, Dave. I will not pry. I will simply offer a word of caution: I sense that something in the past has attempted to possess you—or exercise some kind of influence over you. I do not know if it was the fridge you spoke of, or if it was some other kind of entity. All I can say is that if you have ever felt that something that should not be capable of watching you has been watching you—If you have ever felt that something that should not be alive is alive—You would have been right. And if anyone close to you has ever been in any closer contact with this cursed entity, then I weep for your soul.

 

this is quite possibly one of the most saccharine things ive ever witnessed im going to have to go to the hospital for this extreme blood sugar imbalance

im pretty sure i know what youre talking about but thats not really like
an issue
anymore
i mean i guess it wasnt really an issue ever because what had to happen happened and im here and im fine so shrug

 

Veroandi: "A blood sugar imbalance? Don't worry, I'm a certified medic, and I have medication for that on hand."


Durapror: "V-Veroandi, n-no, he's n-not referring to—he doesn't m-mean...I am in quite the pickle, aren't I?"

Ormt: "'what had to happen happened'? I do not buy that at all! Destiny is only something that is set in stone if we allow it to be. You see, fate is determined by—GNRK!"

-Kormt bonks Ormt on the head lightly with her staff.-


Kormt: "Hush! I am sure that Dave is more familiar with the mechanics of destiny in his universe than you are. In fact, I would wager that no one else is more painfully aware."
Kormt: "I apologize, Dave. I fear I may have stepped on a sore spot. I am glad for you, that whatever it is you went through is now over with. Alas, at the same time, it brings me incredible sorrow that it was necessary for you to experience it to begin with.
Kormt: "..."
Kormt: "I must apologize again. I'm not very talented when it comes to dealings with others, and I know not how I might appropriately express my condolences. Would you perchance desire a hug, or do my words suffice?"

 

ahahahahahahahahahahahaha

bitch do not EVEN presume
do not open this can of worms its a prank can itll just hilariously explode in your face while i school you on mother fuckin timelines
i am time you windup fuck
you could have an army of clocks and not got more time than me

anyway no you didnt step on a sore spot im fine and im cool you dont have to hug me or anything
if i was that fucked up over it i wouldnt have said anything to you when it came up

 

Veroandi: "Uh oh, are you feeling delirious from the high blood sugar? Please—take some medication! You can trust me, I am a certified medic. I also have some water for you to drink."
-Veroandi holds out insulin and and water, urging Dave to take them."


Durapror: "Please help, Dave. I have no idea how I am supposed to dig my way out of this one."

Ormt: "How dare you! I know all about timelines, and about how they branch out like the branches and roots of a great Yggdrasil tree. I am more than my collection of antique clocks and sundials. Watch closely, if your eyes are able to keep up.
-Ormt enters a fighting stance with her katana, though without removing the sheath. She then slows down time for herself, and begins to repeatedly but harmlessly flash step around Dave and Kormt.-


Kormt: *sigh* "There she goes. Though she most certainly not familiar with the flow of time and destiny in your universe, she is quite knowledgeable about how it flows in ours. Though her expertise revolves more around this passive role, she has also unlocked the door to the creation of time for herself, to an extent. As you can plainly see. I am sorry she is being like this."

Kormt: "Even still, I cannot imagine that it was the most pleasant of subjects for you to think about, but I am glad you are not shaken over my having brought it up. And again, I am not very talented when it comes to dealing with others. Hugs are of no cause for discomfort or inconvenience to me, and my offer to give you one was not intended to carry any implication about your current mental state; I am no mind reader, as Uror is. I simply did not know what would be the appropriate gesture to politely convey my condolences in this situation. My apologies, am I making any sense?

 

lol get a shovel

is this a joke
i was flash stepping as a tiny tot this aint shit
good weapon choice though cant go wrong with a katana unless its a cheap piece of trash but then again all my swords are pretty garbage
except for the snoop dogg snow cone machete
dave tested mom approved the best way to cool yourself down when its three hundred degrees out
i mean its still a huge obnoxious junk weapon but its brought endless hours of childlike delight to me

im definitely showboating dude i dont actually care that much beyond like
clock memes

and yeah youre making sense but like i said im fine i dont need condolences or apology notes or whatever no offense but i dont know you and you dont know me and youre guessin at stuff thats pretty goddamn personal here
or it would be
if i cared at all
like im not some delicate maiden who has to be held tenderly lest she swoon at an unpleasant idea

ive seen myself die
the nebulous curse shit youre referring to is kind of small potatoes in the grand scheme of things

 

ur rite

thats perals job

 

thats so sweat holy fuck

@Pearl (the Crystal Gem) why didmt u think of this4 rose...its like u cant commit...

 

[he has no idea who pearl is, except maybe as a vague metaphor for his maidenhood and/or relationship status, but no matter!]

fill the jar with smelling salts so whenever they start feeling faint you can just pop the lid on that bad boy and give them a nice sniff of that cadaver water
smells like love
and formaldehyde
fucking refreshing as HELL is what it is bitches be lining up for blocks tryna get a vial of this ripe ass potion

the new rose water is some dank shit people say as they vye for a whiff
but no
this is a new form of foreplay its not meant for their eyes or noses
its private

 

literaly the only bporblem with this idea is the fact that rose is a lil human boy now

sorta????

idk wtf happend there tbh

perl pls explai

 

was rose not human befo--
ok nvm youre fucking purple stupid question stupid answer

clearly the solution is to steal some hair clippings in the night and grow a gf in the corpse jar like those fuckin capsules that explode into little foam shits in water
hair capsule recreates hot mom
the circle of life

 

no???? rose quart was a gem??????????????????????????????? why the fuk would u think she was human

also good ide thenks

 

the only roses ive ever met were human so consider it a personal weakness

now are you saying pearl was in love with an inert rock or is that like
WHY youre a grape gusher explosion on my eyes
asl
s=species
swing pickaxe twice if mineral pls

 

*Shrugging, Amethyst does what she must, pulling a pickaxe out of her gem and swinging it twice.*

were gems so basically were oru gemstoned but we have light bodies n we can shapeshif and stuff, no clue how all that works but i ant complainig

 

That'sssssss their own fault. Dealing with our kind is a danger. Or would you wrestle with a bear if you do not think you can win?

[Lazy nod.] I see. Then it is none of my business.

[They blink, absorbing this information. They are going to uncover this conspiracy.]