shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

[he doesn't grab a puppet, but he does summon a pillow and toss it karkatward]

no
i do what i want when i want and like you JUST SAID you fucking screechgoblin if it was a problem i would have already gone back and stopped myself so the fact that were even having this conversation proves you dont have to do anything
im not sure there even can be offshoot timelines in here but i dont think were in one anyways
i am the pimpmaster hustledaddy of self sacrifice and youre my latest conquest

whats your deal

 

Jame's quiet but listening with amusement, sipping a big glass of dark beer and relaxing for once.

 

-nope, THISISFINE.PNG-

-looks down, realizing she lit two cigs at the same time-

Spoiler: gif

-fuck-

-glares at Dave like this is his fault, then at the cigarettes, then does the completely irresponsible thing and offers him one-

Stupid bullshit reminds of someone.

 

[karkat is in full swing and flings himself to the floor when the pillow bounces off him, shrieking up a storm]

AAAAAAAAAFHDHDSGFJFDHDJ
HUSTLE MY HEAVING BONE BULGE, YOU UNBELIEVABLE MONUMENT OF IMPULSIVE STUPIDITY.

I AM NOT **FUCKING** HAPPY WITH THIS, AND NOT IN THE HA HA IT'S SO FUNNY WHEN KARKAT GETS GOING KIND OF WAY. WE CAN'T EVEN HAVE TWO SWEEPS OF NORMALCY WITHOUT YOU IMMEDIATELY IMPALING YOURSELF AS SOON AS SOMEONE HANDS YOU SOMETHING SHARP.

 

[holds up his hands in a placating gesture, does not snicker at x2 cigarettekind despite the temptation]

i dont smoke sorry
my condolences for knowing someone like us sounds like the fast track to an ulcer

[dave makes his way over to where karkat is still on the floor and, as promised, sits his ass directly on karkat's back. karkat does nothing to shove him off]

im not trying to make you upset you know that
i mean like on a basic sort of detached level throwing a pillow at you and watching you use that to acquaint yourself with the ground is funny but
i dont actually enjoy going oh wonderful i made karkat so anxious he had a floor tantrum
just dont fuckin offer yourself up as a tasty snack to the vore demons ok i like having you around and i dont want you making my trials by smooch worthless

if you can do that i can stop kissing the vore demons

[he paps karkat decisively. scandalous!]

 

Knew.

-decides 'fuckit' an rocks the two-handed chimney fire-

 

[karkat sighs and chews pensively on dave's cape]

SURE, IF IT'LL KEEP YOU FROM ESCALATING THIS BULLSHIT CYCLE. BUT REST ASSURED! WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A TALK ABOUT THIS AS SOON AS WE'RE SOMEWHERE WITHOUT A GAGGLE OF VOYEURISTIC OTHERWORLDLY CHUCKLEFUCKS WATCHING US LIKE WE'RE THE LATEST EPISODE OF DAYS OF OUR LIVES.

 

oh
well i guess thats not surprising considering we just had a fight over which one of us should die in an attempt to protect the other
sorry yo
...
id say we could try and keep the nonsense to a minimum but knowing us thats pretty much unavoidable
predestined horseshittery

haha ew

and yeah thats fine bro im not gonna put the goods on display any more than we already did with our mutual conniption

 

[Mor unkind snickering]

[Blinkblinkblink]
Thaaaaaaaaat is really not how it woooooorks. Terminating contracts on behalf of someone else is....

.... [The flowers on their head begin wilting miserably as they stare in helplessness]

[There they go, skull makeup fading a little, expression becoming more and more miserable by the second]

[There are big fat ghibli tears running down their face and they look... very tiny and young suddenly with the wilteed dying flowercrown and the suddenly bare face. They clumsily pull themselves together into a miserable ball.]
Sorryyyyyyyy I do-don't... I...
D-do I have t-to... I don't p-plan on e-e-eating a-anyone-
[... okay yeah they give up trying to talk and just. Wail miserably.]

 

[After a moment of confused blinking-- sure, eating humans is kind of gross, but she's never seen anyone cry over it-- Queezle stretches out into a sort of gelatinous catsnake and approaches. Somewhere not quite visible to humans, a few cautious tentacles reach out to pet the nearest bit of scaly hide. She's not going to risk getting eaten herself if this is just an act, but... sometimes contact can be comforting, even if it's not quite the same as mixing together.]

No, you don't have to if you don't want to. It just happens a lot and they're commoners so they're scared.

 

[They lean into the pets and continue wordlessly sobbing. They are... not dignified or pretty about the crying bit. In fact they look pretty gross all things considered.]

 

[Riiiight. She's just gonna. Curl up around the cute snake spirit. Shhh, only cuddles now.]

 

[They sniffle and whimper, cuddling in.]

 

[Massive snake demons are not the weirdest thing he's ever seen, but crying ones are certainly up there.]

I... did not realize I'd fallen asleep.

 

A-asleep?
[... at least they are trying to stiffle the ugly tears by now, apparently.]

 

That is the typical way one enters the Fade. There are others, but I would have remembered those, I think.

 

[They shrug awkwardly, still in moody ball]
Mortals remember v-very little.

 

Is it that we remember little, or is it that we're often not alive for the bits most spirits remember? I can't exactly remember things from before I'm born.

 

-Billy flops next to Lindi and commences pettin the snek-
Don't be a wuss, was two thousand years ago.

 

[Confused earflicking.] You aren't human. Aren't a spirit either, though. Do people from your place usually enter the... what'd you call it, Fade?