shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

Well I´m from here. But I´ve traveled. Never run into talking cities though.

 

At least that isn't the bottom of a cliff, I suppose.

Though that's a cold comfort.

-suddenly there is uj cake. you do not get good uj in the order. it smells of sweet syrup and looks quite like basbousa or another similar earth dessert-

Would you like a cake? Or perhaps tea, though you already seem to have a cup of caf.

It's just a bit...shocking? You overhear it in cantinas and the like, but the Jedi temples? Hardly! You'd be sent to be lectured by a council member for an hour at best for such wordsmithing.

 

YEAH, NO NEED TO FEEL BAD. I ACCEPTED MY STATUS AS THE COMMUNITY CELLAR-GOBLIN SWEEPS AGO, IT IS SIMPLY A FACT OF LIFE. THIS METAPHORICAL, MUDDY HOLE IN THE GROUND IS MY DEAR HIVE AND I CAN NO LONGER SLEEP ANYWHERE ELSE

[karkat sniffs curiously at the cake and shrugs after a moment]

SURE, WHY NOT. I LIKE AWFUL SUGARY SHIT AS MUCH AS THE NEXT GUY!

 

hahaha
take me to the council im ready to receive punishment
my foul mouth can be put to better use serving the holy order

but seriously bro that seems lame as hell i cant be fuckin tamed
this linguistic ownage was a gift to me by troll jesus the sequel himself
who am i to squander it
lets all be liberated verbally and spout whatever innuendo strikes our fancy at the time
brain to mouth filter whats that sounds oppressive

 

I mean, I'm pretty sure his Vision did eventually remove the stick from Winglord Zephyrus' exhaust before he died, Vos never would've gone over to the Cons without his input, but! Sure, let's go with that! Winglord Starscream doesn't really have anything stuck, that's just Lord Thundercracker. [Snickering.]

I have no idea what you're even referencing anymore but I'm pretty sure that's called colonization, not appropriation.

 

I highly doubt it's a fact, but something tells me this isn't a subject to be argued with you. Certainly not like this.

Cakes are more fun than arguments anyway. It's called uj'alayi, uj cake in Basic. Made with fruits and nuts baked into it, then covered in a spiced syrup.

-holds out a plate with one of the things on it-

Spoiler: IT LOOKS LIKE THIS

It's exceptionally "lame". There's quite a lot of sitting down and meditating for infractions with the council. Not so with Master Knorth, but with the council? Definitely.

Now you and a friend of mine might get along. His name's Grimly, and he's a poet. An occasionally foul one who tries and fails to construct Rodian operas. I can't do it myself, I'm afraid. Though I know a few Mandalorian songs and works.

 

Well, yes. Products of their time and our universe and all that. To be fair, this is probably an improvement on some of their old schemes; at least they're not intentionally trying to one-up each other all the time this time through.

You have, I believe, run into two planets and a moon here before though! Primus is self-contradictory like that sometimes.

 

"Oh no, not quite, after I managed to break out of the restraints and retreated, I then went on to risk a lung infection sitting outside her window until she deigned to bid me inside and let me properly court her. I did in fact end up running quite the fever. She allowed me into her bed until I was healed. She is a most incredibly generous lady."

 

Hi Karkat!!! (Nepeta grins widely when she sees the fellow troll, raising a paw up in greeting.) Mew really haven't changed, hee hee. But it's good to see anofur troll over here!

 

yes im thrusting my throbbing organic flag into the quivering ground of the dream bubbles and colonizing them in the name of fucking
colonel sassacre and his old racist ass

its called sharing my culture for anyone who wants it im not TAKING OVER im making friends

boooooring

your friend sounds way cooler than your scifi cult im surprised they even let you spend time around him
hes a corrupting influence

oh my god
fucking magical
knocking on the door is for scrubs why do things like that when you can sit outside the window making eyes at your honey

 

Mi!! And I didn´t even notice!

 

[karkat looks like he's about to go on a self loathing tangent, but then wow hey delicious cake. he takes the offered plate and takes a bite]

WELL, IT'S NOT HALF BAD, BUT I'M NOT EXACTLY A GOURMET. I'D PROBABLY EAT A ROCK IF SOMEONE PUT ENOUGH SUGAR ON IT

[that said, he goes for another bite]

[karkat waves back and makes a show of rolling his eyes]

YES, WELL, I'M INCAPABLE OF SELF-REFLECTION AND INTERNAL GROWTH. BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR, OR YOU'RE LIABLE TO BUMP INTO A THOUSAND TROLLS APPEARING FROM THE DEPTHS OF SPITE AND INANITY. WHAT DO THEY WANT? YOUR ENDLESS ANNOYANCE! WHEN DO THEY WANT IT? YESTERDAY!!

 

"See, you're a smart lad, I knew you'd understand. I thought my hands would never get warm again. I maybe should have chosen better when it comes to the season to conduct courting in but as it has in fact worked out quite well for me I can't complain too much."
He looks incredibly smug.

 

[dave does his best impression of a starving orphan with his head still on karkat's lap. he makes a pitiful-and very grating-whining noise until karkat drops a piece of cake in his mouth]

ahahaha
well you know what you do with frosty fingers when you're looking to flirt
you shove them up the shirt of whoever youre hitting on
either they punch you in the face or they think youre being cute
foolproof plan

 

-grins-

That's what they like to say. He's proven far too useful for them to simply wave off entirely, however. A shapeshifter makes for a lovely contact.

Admittedly, I do need to talk with Grimly in private if I'd like to discuss anything save business. Master Knorth is somewhat strict about frivolous relations.

Happy to hear it. I sadly don't have many chances to have it. Jedi rarely deal with Mandalorians in anything save a hostile fashion.

 

WHY?

I MEAN, TROLLS WEREN'T EXACTLY THE KINDEST TO ALIENS WE CONQUERED, SO THAT'S WHY I'M NOT PARTICULARLY FAMILIAR WITH STUFF FROM CULTURES WE CRUSHED UNDER OUR HOT PINK HEEL, BUT.

A HOT TIP FROM ME TO YOU: NEVER EAT ANYTHING DAVE OFFERS AS A CULTURAL ~*EXCHANGE.*~ I'M NOT EVEN SURE HE CAN TASTE THE THINGS HE INFLICTS UPON HIS BODY, BUT HE IS UNIQUELY SKILLED AT FINDING THE MOST FOUL THING TO EAT AND MAKING IT SOMEHOW WORSE.

[he mutters something about stale cheetos used as breading and looks darkly into the middle distance. the memory, it haunts him]

 

I will...not that about the food. Though I wonder if it could possibly be more dangerous than street foods on some Outer Rim worlds. Anyway.

A largely nomadic race of warriors occasionally bent on conquering the galaxy and a group of peace keepers for the Republic who seek order? There's very few positive exchanges to be had between the two. Especially given past military conflicts. They view us as religious extremists and cowards, hellbent on controlling the galaxy. The Jedi Order views them as battle mad dogs who need to be opposed when they organize. Which makes for some rather fun conversations among others in the Order at times. Always delightful to have one's loyalties questioned because they happen to be Mandalorian. Or have been, rather. It's a cultural point that seems to miss many. Unless one lives Mandalorian culture fully, one can't be called Mandalorian. It's rather hard to live up to the martial standards of Mandalorian culture when part of a largely pacifistic monastic order. I can't even wear the armor, so I've failed step one.

 

OH, FUN. IF IT'S ANY CONDOLENCE THEY SOUND REMARKABLY SIMILAR TO WHAT MY RACE USED TO BE LIKE, ONLY OUR GOAL FOR COMPLETE CONTROL WAS NEVER OCCASIONAL AND IF YOU WEREN'T COOL WITH THAT YOU'D BETTER BE COOL WITH NOT BEING ALIVE.

ALTHOUGH IF I'M GOING TO BE PERFECTLY FUCKING FRANK--AND I ABSOLUTELY AM--I'M NOT ALL THAT RAZZED ABOUT THE RELIGIOUS FERVOR KEEPING THE GALAXY TOGETHER! OR WHATEVER YOUR PROPAGANDA CLAIMS. IT'S STILL VIOLENCE EVEN IF IT'S A HOLY TEXT YOU'RE BEATING THEM OVER THE HEAD WITH

 

oh shit ive never met a shapeshifter thats cool as fuck and i know a dude who can fart tornadoes

anyway master knorth sounds like one hell of a square why dont you just like
skedaddle off with your badass friend
roam the galaxy in search of hot babes and adventure

 

It is indeed still violence. I'm...uncertain how to reconcile the necessity of violence with the teachings of the Order. It seems rather hypocritical much of the time. Especially considering that Jedi Masters are not omniscient and entirely above personal bias. Some have made some questionable decisions. To put it exceedingly kindly. At the very least the Mandalorians are very honest. Generally speaking. Regardless, it's dangerous to have Force sensitives running about untrained and undisciplined.

That sounds like...a very interesting power. To say the least.

Also, I can't abandon Master Knorth. I've yet to gain independence from him via the rank of Master, and I am very grateful to him. Without his intervention and taking me on as his Padawan I would have had to leave the Order or work in the Jedi Corps. My position here is solely based on his good will. I owe it to him to complete my training. I can hardly just leave the Order as a whole either. I've a duty to uphold. Not just to others, but to myself as well.