shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

Well I´m a catparson too, you see. A Mi.

 

STRIFE PROFICIENCY IS NEVER A BAD THING, I GUESS?? I MEAN I DID SPEND SIX SWEEPS ON ALTERNIA SO I KNOW THE GIST ABOUT "GET READY OR GET FUCKED" BUT ME AND ASCENSION TENDERLY EMBRACING WAS NEVER A THING I REALLY SERIOUSLY CONSIDERED, BEYOND MY BULLSHIT WISH-FULFILLMENT FANTASIES.

WE HAVE SOME PEOPLE LIKE THAT RUNNING AROUND HERE. BUT FUCK YEAH, ALIENS ARE WORTH IT FOR BEING ALLOWED TO PRATTLE INCESSANTLY TO ANYONE WHO'LL HOLD STILL LONG ENOUGH TO LISTEN! MY WINDHOLE IS ITCHING TO SPEW NONSENSE, I CAN BARELY HOLD IT IN

 

>@ Congrats on being an alien I guess, lovey?
>@ Shit that sounded kinda bitchy, but look, I seriously give no shits unless you start yammering on about proper nutrition too.
>@ Fucking bite me, weird aliens, stop insinuating Spidergoatdad is anything but the literal best parent ever.

>@ I mean I guess. It's not like I can't do the fighting hoofbeastmanure I just don't care for it outside of FLARP.
>@ And even then I liked the explore-y and deals-brokering parts more.

 

I'M FEELING MAGNANIMOUS, SO I'M GOING TO GENEROUSLY RESIST THE COMPULSION TO DUNK ON YOUR TASTE IN GAMES. WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO FIND AN INTERESTING CAVE AND CLIMB INSIDE, WITHOUT THE GAMING ABSTRACTIONS CLUTTERING UP THE ~*EXPERIENCE*~

 

Mis don´t need to eat so nutrition really isn´t my forte.

 

>@ Dude that's what I'm doing now, given I don't really have access to a FLARPing comm right now. I was young and stupid. Now I'm still young but a little less stupid :P
>@ Another part was having an excuse to make cool as shit functional and impressive body armor without getting judged as a weird nerd.
>@ But living with aliens has another plus point: Nobody can tell it's not cutting edge Alternian fashion :P

>@ Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh congrats? I guess?
>@ Man that's gotta be kinda weird.
>@ ... No offense.

 

I imagine having to eat instead of doing it for fun would be weird. Inconvenient too. You said you´re from Alternia? What´s it like?

 

>@ Murderous mostly!
>@ Stressful.
>@ Nice caves though.

 

's called a quip. But good ta know tha' yarr sense a humor is alreedy gone. My condolences.

(Oneira unceremoniously shoves GS off her bar counter)
Hoy, get yarr grubby feet off me barr!

 

Aww, shame, I would´ve liked to see it.

-quickly removes @A Mi from the counter-

 

HAVE YOU *SEEN* THE WAY OUR GLORIOUS EMPRESS DRESSED? BODYSUITS, BODY ARMOR, ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO SQUEEZE YOURSELF INTO LIKE A FLESHY GODDAMN PIPING BAG. IT MIGHT AS WELL *BE* ALTERNIAN FASHION.

AND AT ANY RATE, WHO GIVES A SOLITARY FUCK HOW YOU DRESS? FASHION, AS A CONCEPT, IS A LOAD OF MANURE SOMEONE DUMPED GLITTER ON AND CALLED ART.

 

[OFFENDED SHRIEKYELL]
>@ HEY! give a guy a warning will ya, lovey?
>@ Fuck, I can't get blood on the yarn until I wanna actually dye it, if you don't respect me, at least respect my business.

[He's still in a fussy heap on the floor]
>@ Can't recommend it for aliens all things cosidered. Kinda not too good for the health.

 

>@ Oh man, you sad, sad guy. Everythign that contains glitter is immediately art.
>@ That's like the rules of the universe.
[He throws a rain of glitter into the air with the laziest, most listless wristflick ever]

 

[karkat scoots back even further. he will not be glitterbombed on this day no sir]
I GUESS MY TASTES MUST BE A LITTLE BIT MORE REFINED AND AVANT-GARDE!

AND AT THE RISK OF SOUNDING LIKE WIGGLER'S FIRST BLOG...THE RULES OF THE UNIVERSE ARE PRETTY MUCH THE BOTTOM OF THE MANURE PILE, ANYWAY. HAVE YOU EVER BEHELD A TURD SO SADISTIC?

 

>@ Idk man, have you ever tried to clean up literal goat poop stuck to the literal ceiling because your wall-walking lusus is throwing a tantrum? That's pretty damn sadistic.

 

I THINK LUSUS-ANTICS ARE OUTSIDE THE REALM OF SADISM PURELY BECAUSE IF YOU START THINKING "OH, CRABDAD IS DOING THIS ON PURPOSE TO CAUSE ME TORMENT" THEN YOU'D JUST LOSE YOUR FUCKING MIND THE THIRD TIME HE DRAGS HOME A ROTTING CORPSE AND LOOKS AT YOU LIKE HE EXPECTS YOU TO CHOW DOWN

 

>@ And that's why you don't let dad go hunting on his own pal. Though hey I'm sure you had reasons. And maybe it wasn't rotting it was some fancy ass dry aged shit :P
>@ Aliens are suuuuper weird about food, did you know? I mean I'm grateful.
>@ Means I can kick the grubloaf bullshit out and still eat actual people food.

 

Hoy, tha's my line! Tha hearrt of a barr is the barr, which ya just disrespected!

...Ya'd get along with me matesprit.

Nah, tha's why ya live where 's so cold stuff doesn't rot, and hunt with yarr lusus.

 

(Huskiemom puts her front paws on the shelfy part below the counter proper, and perks up at the mention of lusii.)
Woof!

 

[karkat's expression is singularly unimpressed. he widens his eyes and gestures to them]
NO, I JUST REALLY HATE GOING OUTSIDE AND REALLY LOVE WEEK-OLD CARRION.

YEAH, I KNOW. IT'S WEIRD AS SHIT BUT FUCK IF I'M GOING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT. OH, NO, YOU PALE-HAIRED FREAKS, STOP REMOVING THE LOOMING THREAT OF STARVATION LEST THE CHANGE PERMANENTLY SCARS MY FRAGILE PSYCHE AND LEAVES ME A SHUDDERING WRECK

I'LL LOCK MYSELF IN THE THERMAL HULL, I SWEAR TO GOD

YES, WELL, IF YOU APPLY A LITTLE LOGIC TO THE REALIZATION THAT I'M NOT WEARING CONTACTS, I'M SURE YOU CAN PUZZLE OUT THE MYSTERY OF KARKAT VANTAS: ETERNAL SHUT-IN